


...for without you i am lost...

by Merlioske



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Doing His Best, Arthur Pendragon Returns (Merlin), Deaths most likely off-screen tho..?, Druids, Future Fic, Hurt Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magical Anchors is a Thing, Merlin in pain, Merlioske-friendly, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Slow Burn, Soulbonds, Soulmates, The Council of Magic, magic is known, soulbonding, temporary insanity, well... author will /try/ for slow burn at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-02-22 13:15:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 70,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22516705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlioske/pseuds/Merlioske
Summary: What if… Throughout the centuries, the magic in Merlin grew? Like, every sorcerer/witch and so on has a limit for growth yeah? Some level that they reach and that’s it. No more power for you. But Merlin /doesn’t/ since he’s not /with/ magic but instead /is/ magic. So. Like. It grew with him and he learned more and more but he’s all alone right? Has no Anchor. So he’s doing all he can, spreading the knowledge, educating people on and about magic and for a while it works. Magic is accepted, taught, even revered all over the world. The world prospers. Peace and harmony grows. Yeah, sure, there’s badies from time to time but in general all is well yeah?But… All this power that keeps on growing inside. What if it… Starts corrupting him? Like. Unintentionally, bit by bit. He doesn’t even notice that some of his decisions sHOuLd seem… Wrong, maybe..? But.. Power grows and grows and morality blurs for him. After all, he’s all alone. He has no one there for him. He’s always there for the EntiRe PoPulaTion of the WoRLd, but HE’S alone.So what if… Arthur returns because Albion’s greatest need is to be saved… From Merlin..?
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 343
Kudos: 343





	1. The Time has Come...

**Author's Note:**

> so i can /still/ not believe this, but i have a Beta o.o the most magnificent darling, Pelydryn has decided that this was worth her while and i am still crying about this i cannot even ..... dream come true, good gods. (Also if you bother to read this then most definitely go read her works them be Works of Art and them need readin', all the readin' o.o)
> 
> so, sorry for the bit of a mess, but the first three chapters are getting re-uploaded cuz they got fixed (!!!!!!!!!) and then onward we go~~~

“It has to be done. You know we’ve no other choice anymore. The Council’s plan won’t work. And he trusts you. Well… as much as he’s still capable of trust. He’ll allow you close enough for it to work. Don’t look at me like that. You know I’m right. We have to do this. And we have to do this fast. Please. You know I’m right. There’s no other way. I wish there was. By the Goddess do I wish…”

~x~

Two cloaked figures hurried through the forest bathed in absolute darkness. It was quiet there too. Too quiet. No wind rushing through the leaves, no night critters skittering about. There was nothing. The air, what little there was, however, felt heavy. Felt charged. It was like walking through a marsh made out of taffy. The two figures exchanged a glance and quickened their pace. There wasn’t much time. The forest was… monitored. It was only a matter of when, not if, they’d get caught. And it was paramount they didn’t get caught _quite_ yet.

Seconds, minutes, even if it had felt more like years, later, they came out into a clearing. Full moon shone brightly overhead, lighting over the peaceful waters of the Lake. In the distance, the Isle loomed, surrounded in perpetual waves of fog. Two hooded figures hurried to the still waters and knelt on the shore, dropping their hoods simultaneously.

“Lady of the Lake, we beg an audience. Lady of the Lake, please heed our call.” 

A breathless moment passed in silence. Nothing happened. The younger woman glanced at her companion quickly, tucking a wavy strand of her black hair behind her ear nervously.

“Nothing’s happening. Why isn’t anything happening?” Gwyn muttered anxiously, making the older woman huff.

“Patience Gwyneth, one does not simply rush the Blessed Lady.” 

Gwyneth blushed, chastised. Her eyes roamed their surroundings, never staying still, always watchful, always on the lookout for a threat.

“I know. I know, but, Tana, we’re running out of time and…”

Before she could finish, a gentle wind rose up, causing slow ripples to appear through the waters of the Lake. A breath later, She stood, well, more like, floated, before them. Gwyneth gasped.

“My Lady.” Tana bowed her head. “You know why we’ve come.” 

She nodded.

“You know what we need. What the world needs. My Lady… it is time. We need him. Albion needs him.” Her voice trembled. “The World needs him.” She looked straight into the Lady of the Lake’s eyes as she finished, “The World needs its King back.” 

Gwyneth was wringing her hands. The Lady was silent. Tana took a deep breath, opened her mouth. Closed it again. Opened it again. “Please… we… we can’t do this without…”

There was no wind this time. The waters simply parted. Gwyneth gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. Tana beamed, her relief palpable. 

He rose from the depths, his armor shining, his blood red cape billowing behind him, his sword gripped firmly in his hand. Between one blink and the next, he stood before the two kneeling women, Lady just behind him, still in the Lake.

“It was not meant to happen like this, Once and Future King. It was not meant to…” The Lady sighed, her face betraying the absolute anguish she was feeling. “I can only shield you from him this once. Once the shield is lifted, it can never be lowered again. Remember that.” 

With that, she turned and began sinking back beneath her Lake. Just as she was about to disappear, she stopped. She didn’t turn back, but the three on shore heard her just as well as if she had been before them. 

“Save him, please.” And then the waters were still once again, the Lake seemingly undisturbed.

For another moment all was still. And then - then it wasn’t.

~x~

Thunder roared overhead. In the still quietness of the night, it sounded especially harsh, grating, upon their ears. The two women rose to their feet slowly, twin looks of trepidation on their faces.

“If… if we hurry, then maybe…” Gwyneth started, but Tana shook her head morosely.

“We’d never make it. He’s coming. Stay strong, Gwyn. Remember the plan.” 

There were tears in the younger woman’s eyes, but she held them at bay, nodding at her companion. Tana tossed a quick look over her shoulder and gulped.

“Whatever you do, do _not_ make a sound, Your Majesty. Do not. Please.” 

Seeing the desperation in her eyes, the man nodded. The pure relief that filled her whole expression then nearly knocked him back. Before any more words could be exchanged, however, their time ran out.

He came riding the lightning. One moment the clearing before them was empty, the next, in a bright flash of light, _He_ stood before them. Gwyneth trembled. Tana clenched her jaw, both of them frozen in place. The man, the _King_ behind them stood still, his expression clouded, whether in shock or something else.

“Well well well… what DO we have here…” The manic grin split His face as he took a step towards them. “Two little druids? At _my_ lake? Tsk tsk tsk.”

He waved a finger at them. “Naughty naughty~” His head snapped to the side as he scowled. “Hush you! I know they’re in the wrong, why would I need _you_ telling me that?!” He cackled then, spinning in place, seemingly lost in a conversation only he could hear. “Well, obviously! Naughty children must be punished. Otherwise they just won’t.learn.will.they.” With that he turned back to them, the manic grin back on his face, his eyes glowing copper in the darkness.

“M-my Lord.” Gwyneth tried, but quickly grabbed at her throat, her face growing pale as she struggled to draw breath.

“Did I say you could speak?” He hissed, one hand raised in the air, squeezing her throat shut despite the distance. “Naughty naughty…” 

He crooked a finger towards himself and Gwyneth sailed through the air, hanging limply in the air before him. “I should destroy the both of you. Trespassing? Here? These are _my_ lands. This is _my_ lake. This is where _my King_ is resting. Yet you DARE TO COME HERE AND DISTURB HIS PEACE?!!!!!” 

His words bellowed over the Lake, causing ripples in the water, causing the waves of fog around the Isle to swirl. 

“I should annihilate you both. Yes, yes I should. But then… then how would others learn? Hmmmm, yes, that would be most inconvenient. You must always leave someone alive to tell the story. That's how others learn and stay stay stay away.” 

He hummed, nodding firmly, and then smiled serenely, his eyes darting between the two of them. “So, who shall be the one to tell the story, mmm?” 

His hand lowered and with it, Gwyneth collapsed to the ground gasping for air. 

“Well? Bet _ray_ each other. Come on now, you’re human, it’s what humans _do._ Betray each other. The one who does it first, lives!” He finished joyously, giggling and clapping his hands. “Oh yes yes I know, isn’t it a wonderful idea. I can’t wait to see what they do too!”

“Kill me, my Lord,” Tana said, taking a shuddering breath and stepping forwards.

His eyes gleamed as he watched her approach.

“Ohoho?” Eyes snapping to Gwyneth, who was still on her knees before him, he crouched down and lifted her chin with one finger. “Well? Aren’t you going to ask me to spare her too? I had forgotten what a silly self-sacrificing bunch you druids are.” 

Gwyneth opened her mouth to speak, but Tana was faster.

“No, please, my Lord, please, spare her. She’s… she’s my Anchor.” 

His eyes widened, intrigued. “Is she now… and are you, hers in turn?” 

Gwyneth’s flinch told him all he needed to know. “That’s a no then. I wonder though… how much truth is there in the whole ‘one cannot survive without one’s Anchor’ thing. Shall we test it out, hmmm?” 

Tana’s heart-wrenching scream made Him scowl. “No, my Lord, NO!” She flung herself before him, trying to shield Gwyneth with her body.

“Tsk, you’re disturbing _my King’s_ rest. Wretched druid.” He harrumphed, and Tana clutched her throat, tried to draw breath, and instead began coughing up blood. “There. Quiet. Much better.” He looked back at the younger girl and blinked. For a moment, it seemed like the madness in his eyes receded. “You look so much like her.” He hummed, gently twirling a dark curl around one finger. “Like my Queen. Like _His_ Queen. Oh, how he loved her. Loved her. Loved her so much… I wonder…hmmm.” 

He stood, raised her body from the ground with a wave of his hand and then locked his eyes with hers, looking deep. Deeper still, straight into her soul. 

Gwyneth gasped, shivers wracking her whole body, and then stilled. She let go. Let go, and so she saw what he saw, all the way back, generation through generation he looked. Further and further away, right until he found it. Her roots. 

The manic grin returned. “Gwen.” He breathed out the name and Gwyneth’s body collapsed onto itself.

Tana, meanwhile, practically _felt_ the King behind her flinch. Between her coughs she sent a silent prayer that he wouldn’t move. 

A moment later, He released Gwyneth again and spun in a circle, hands akimbo, what should have probably been a happy smile on his face. “Oh yes yes yes do you see it too??? It’s her, she comes from my Queen! No no no, she can’t die, obviously not! But lessons must be learned, yes they do, yes they dooo…” With that he stopped spinning and turned back to Tana, nodding towards her graciously. “I grant your request.” 

And, saying nothing more, he raised his hand and Tana… disintegrated into thin air, her parting scream echoing through the clearing. 

Gwyneth’s wail could barely be heard through His joyous laughter. “Poof and gone, poof and gone, did you see it? She sparkled as she went!” His laughter continued for a couple more minutes, interspersed with a comment here and there to whomever it was he was talking to. When he was finally done, he crouched before Gwyneth again and all traces of a smile were gone from his face. “Have you learned your lesson?” 

The girl nodded frantically and He hummed. “Are you going to come back here. Ever. Again?” She shook her head so violently she got whiplash. “That’s a good little druid. Now then. Run along, and know that if I _ever_ so much as sense you anywhere near here, I will _not_ be quite this generous.”

Gwyneth nodded again, her sight still blurred by her tears, and struggled to her feet. With the tiniest of motions, she crooked a finger for the King to follow her and stumbled into the trees. A breath later, she heard the soft clanging of chainmail as he followed.

_He_ was left standing there, motionless, gazing off into the Lake.

Just before he reached the tree line, the Once and Future King turned around, to steal one last look at… _Him_.

“Hello, Arthur.”

He froze. The pain in that voice nearly forced him to his knees. But _He_ wasn’t looking back, _he_ was still gazing into the Lake. As the King watched, _He_ seemed to fold down into himself, sliding down onto the ground, all motion seemingly torn from _his_ limbs. “Yes, yes I know I should go…but… may I stay here, just a while? Just for a little while, yeah..?”

The King flinched as a shaking hand grabbed his wrist and pulled. With one last look to the motionless figure by the Lake, he turned and followed the druid girl into the trees. Away from the Lake. And away from… just away.

~x~

He didn’t know how much time had passed as they trudged, silent, side by side, through the dense, quiet woods. And they _were_ quiet. Preternaturally so. He looked around as they walked. He knew these woods. Yet he also didn’t. It was a jarring feeling. Finally, the forest thinned and then ended and they were in a… he didn’t know what to call it. The scenery was _not_ familiar as were the… big.. metal… he blinked. What on earth _were_ those things. The druid girl walked straight up to one, and the thing’s eyes blinked light for a moment and then she was…opening its side. He was confused and, not that he’d ever admit such a thing, ever, a bit scared.

“Your Majesty.” Her voice was subdued, but to his surprise and grudging respect, it did not tremble. “Please, come, get in. We’ve quite a long ride before us.” After making sure he was seated and _buckled in_ , the druid girl got into the metal contraption herself and then they were moving. Far faster than any horse and… he tried, honestly, he did, not to panic, but, from the expression on her face, he failed quite miserably. With a pained sigh, she stopped the…the thing and turned to face him. “Forgive me, Your Majesty I…losing Tana was harder than…even though I knew the plan and we _were_ prepared for… well…”

“Take a moment.” He said putting his hand on hers, trying for comfort as the girl was shaking again. 

She nodded and took a shuddering breath. “Right. Thank you. I… I have something for you.” She reached over and pulled out what looked like a ball of glass, or maybe it was crystal? It fit comfortably in the palm of her hand. “This contains the history of the world from the time you’ve been… gone.” 

He blinked at her. Then blinked at the ball. And then opened his hand so that she could hand it over. “It may become a bit… overwhelming.” 

He gave her a crooked grin. “I believe I am already quite overwhelmed. How much worse could it get?”

~x~

As it turned out, quite a lot worse. By the time he had gotten caught up with the happenings of the world, the day was breaking, his stomach was turning, his head felt like it was splitting in two and they had reached their destination.

He staggered out of the car, _car_ what an invention, mmm? And followed the druid girl into her home – a modern, one storied house with a garden (of course, what kind of a druid wouldn’t have a garden?). Once inside, the King hesitated. The new knowledge was still… jumbled about in his head, making concentrating on even the easiest of tasks, such as walking a straight line, rather difficult. 

The druid seemed to notice and helped him to a seat in a spacious living area. “You need time to process, Your Majesty, please, rest a while.” 

Humming his consent, the King made himself more comfortable on the sofa and promptly lost himself to sleep, armor and all still on.

Gwyneth took a deep breath, allowed herself five minutes of breaking down time, then wiped her tears and strengthened the wards on her home. Then did it again. And then one more time, just in case. After that was done, she collapsed into an armchair in front of the sofa and fell into the sleep of truly exhausted. The last thing she saw before her eyes closed was the King, the last hope for the world, sleeping peacefully on her flower printed sofa.

~x~

At first, Gwyneth wasn’t sure what had called her up from her sleep. She blinked her tired eyes and looked around blearily. The King hadn’t moved, still soundly asleep on the sofa, gentle snores punctuating every other exhale. The girl yawned, stretched and turned around, about to go make herself a cuppa, since she was awake anyway. Instead, she collapsed on the floor with a startled yelp. _He_ was there, sitting on her other armchair, watching her with calm eyes.

“My…my L-lord.” She gasped out, trying her best not to faint. She had tripled her wards. Tripled. And yet.

“I’m sorry.” It was barely above a whisper, but in the near deathly silence of her home, she heard him perfectly. “I am so sorry, my sweet darling child.” She could only stare, hope blooming against all of her wishes in her breast. He sounded like himself again. He sounded like her Teacher again. 

“You…” He took a deep inhale, “You really _do_ look like her, you know. Like Gwen. Like my Queen. She was…magnificent.” He let out a low chuckle. “Even before she was the Queen. She was kind and generous and patient. She was my first friend when I arrived in Camelot. I loved her so, for being there for me. For being my rock.” 

He gave her a small smile. It was warm and yet so incredibly, indescribably sad. “It was impossible not to, after all. You could not meet her and not love her. She was the perfect Queen. Perfect Queen for the perfect King.” 

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. She couldn’t hear the King’s snores anymore either, but she paid it no mind. 

“They were absolutely glorious together, you know? He was so happy with her. So happy.” He seemed to drift for a moment, but pulled himself back, shaking his head visibly. His lips thinned then and he stood. “I know what the Council is planning.” 

At her sharp inhale, he gave her a wry look, waved a hand and there were books on her coffee table all of a sudden, stack upon stack of books. “Read these. Learn what you can, as quickly as you can. Shield your home. Shield those you love. Do not follow the Council, Gwyn. They’ll fail. They’re no match for me. No one is. Learn the books. They…they should help keep you safe.” 

A shiver wracked his whole frame and he staggered, grabbing the back of an armchair to steady himself. “I can feel it coming. The good days are growing fewer and farther in between. Soon, I won’t be able to stop it any longer.”

“My Lord…”

He gave her another small smile. “I am so so sorry, Gwyn… I wish they’d succeed. By the Goddess do I wish _anyone_ would. Oh Gwyn. Did you know I’ve been praying for death? For so long. I’ve prayed and I begged and I threatened.” He sighed. “I…” He shook his head then. “Doesn’t matter. Just. Stay safe, Gwyn. And try to forgive me, if you can.” And with that, between one blink and the next, he was gone.

It took her awhile to be able to move. When she did, she jumped with a yelp yet again – the King was watching her.

“Your Majesty… how long have you been awake?”

“Long enough.” The King blinked slowly, his eyes looking at her, looking through her too. “He’s right, you know… you do look like her.” There was an almost wishful smile in his voice. Shaking the melancholy off, the King sat up straighter and there was focus in his gaze then. “Now, tell me everything.” 

She nodded. “Of course, whatever you wish to know. But, and I apologize, Your Majesty…”

“Arthur.” 

She blinked. 

"Arthur. Shorter than Your Majesty. Saves time."

“Ar-arthur. Right, yes, okay. Um. Right, yes, I…answers. Those I can do, but first, however, coffee.” 

It was his turn to blink. And then the Once and Future King sent her a grin so blinding Gwyneth needed a Moment.

“Morning drink! The Crystal History thing told me about that! Lead the way, please.”

After the both of them were sat comfortably in the kitchen, Arthur a good deal lighter ('You are _not_ dragging all that chainmail around my home, for Goddess’s sake!'), each with a cup in their hands, Gwyneth nodded for him to begin with his questions.

“So, this is delicious, by the way, I _will_ want more. Now. From what I understood, after I was...gone, Gwen revoked the ban, correct?” At Gwyneth’s nod, he hummed and continued. “And Merlin was her…Court Sorcerer?”

“Yes. That was where he began. Twenty something years he spent on her council. After that however, with the Queen’s permission, he created the First Magic Council and left Camelot. He spent the following years traveling. Spreading awareness, learning and teaching… because of him, magic has a place in the world today. It’s flourishing, and with it, so is the world.”

“But?” At her questioning eyebrow, he shrugged. “There’s a but. I got all that history from the ball thing. What I did not, however, get was what exactly happened to Merlin. Because something did. Obviously. The person I saw yesterday… that…that was _not_ Merlin.”

Gwyneth refilled their cups, sat back down and spent some time just sitting there, looking into her cup, gathering her thoughts. 

Arthur sat silently, sipping his coffee, giving her time. Finally, she raised her head again and looked him straight in the eye.

“You know the legend, correct?”

“The Emrys one?” At her nod he nodded too. “Merlin was supposed to be this all-powerful Emrys and I…”

“The Once and Future King. Yes. You two were, well, _are_ two sides of the same coin.” 

Arthur rolled his eyes and then straightened under the strength of her glare; it was easy to see how she was descended from _his_ Gwen.

“Tis not a laughing matter. The legend was…correct. You two were supposed to be inseparable. You… you balanced each other out. You kept each other in line, kept each other safe and…sane.” She took a deep breath and bit her lip. “There has to be a balance. Always. The stronger the magical being, the stronger their balancing piece must be. For a long, long time no one knew of the Anchors. People simply knew that sometimes, some individuals worked better together than they did apart. No one knew why up until the High Priestess Maryana did a ritual with her second in command and it sort of…blew up in her face spectacularly. The ritual she tried for failed, but she did learn how a link between two people, two compatible people, could help balance out the magical power within. This compatibility, you see, must be soul deep. Such connections are rare and therefore extremely valuable. The thing is, not everyone needs an Anchor. There are magic users who are perfectly okay on their own. Anchors only become necessary when a certain… level of power is reached.” 

Arthur blinked. “So only the strong need this... Anchor?” 

Gwyneth nodded. “Yes. The stronger the magic, the stronger balancing piece is needed. But you see this wasn’t an issue either – while there are strong magic users throughout the world, they are few and far in between; not to mention, they all usually find their Anchors relatively easily – that kind of power draws equal power in turn.”

“Not Merlin, though.” 

It wasn’t a question. The druid still flinched. “No… he’s…unique. While some magic users are born _with_ magic and some learn it through years and years of vigorous studying, Emrys was… _is_ magic itself. Thus he has no limits. His power is growing still. It always grew and continues to grow and will continue to grow. Exponentially. But…” 

She shook her head, wringing her hands and raised her eyes, full of despair and sorrow, to look him in the eye. “But he was alone. _Still is_ alone. That much power, untethered, unanchored, unbalanced, it… began changing him. Began… corrupting him.” It shudders out of her and Arthur feels his insides freeze. “Over the centuries it… it drove him mad. Bit by bit, one little thing after the other… You saw what he has become. He… he talks to it, I’m assuming, and he kills without a thought, and he rips through the fabric of space and time itself… and if this continues, he’ll destroy not only himself, but everyone else too.” 

Arthur opened his mouth, but her next words froze the air inside his lungs. “That’s why… that’s why you have to stop him. You’re the only one who can. The only one who can save us all. The only one who can kill him.”


	2. Method or Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tehfanglyfish - this is me, praying i manage to not disappoint you with this too badly... *is afret* (i also may or may not have purposefully not looked at the clock as i finished this up just so i could post it for you today x"D rip my whole entire sleep x""""""D)

“I dropped by for a visit today.”

_Oh? And how **is** the Princess? Still doing the sleeping beauty routine I’d imagine?_

“As you well know. Yes. He is still resting.”

_Hmmmmm… maybe it’s time you stopped with these pointless visits, mmm? Wouldn’t you rather stay here? With me?_

“Oh shut it, Gwaine. I know you miss our King too.”

_Oh but I have you, gorgeous. What use is the Princess to me when I’ve you to play with~_

~x~

Arthur’s shuddering breathing was the only indication he was still alive, he was so still. Gwyneth worried her lip between her teeth as she waited for the King to finish processing what she’d told him. Their coffee had gone well and cold by the time he finally moved. He shook his head vehemently before even opening his mouth. The eyes he raised to her were swirling with barely contained furry.

“No” was all he managed to choke out, before standing up and promptly storming right out of her house.

Gwyneth stayed at the table, her cup firmly clutched in her hand, and counted in her head. She gave him till the count of three thousand before standing and following him outside. The King was standing in a patch of wild flowers, his gaze locked onto one particular bloom. It was tiny, barely visible through the other greenery. It was shockingly blue.

“Your Maj… Arthur?” She kept her distance, but her soft voice carried in the peace and quiet of her garden.

“You know. Ever since the first time I saw him… there was something about him that was…special. I… he amazed me. With his insolence, insubordination, his _utter_ incompetence… he… he was just so.bad. at being a manservant.”

Gwyneth’s eyebrows jumped at that _Manservant?_ while Arthur, still entirely preoccupied with watching the bloom sway gently in the breeze, noticed not her confusion. 

“Yet somehow. When I needed him, when I doubted… when I feared, and stopped believing in myself, he…” He inhaled deeply. “He was always there. With a wise sounding word or a silly joke, or a shoulder to lean on, and most importantly. Always, _always_ with this unshakable Faith in me. He believed in me, even when I did nothing to deserve it. Even when I did not believe in myself or, in anything, really. There he was. With a smile and this…belief.” 

He turned to face her then and his expression broke her heart. “He never lost his faith in me, Gwyneth, the least I can do is to not lose mine in him. Even if you did. Even if the whole damn world did. I will _not_ lose my faith in Merlin. And I most certainly will _not_ kill him. He’s mine to protect, just as Camelot was, like Albion was, like, apparently, the world is. He’s mine. And I will not let him down.”

After getting back inside and finishing their coffee (“This is ridiculously delicious even when it’s cold, Gwyn, it’s mind boggling I swear!”) they sat down to strategize. It was obvious to Gwyneth now that there was no easy path for them to follow. It seemed her Teacher had omitted quite a few details in his retellings of the Golden age and the Golden reign of the Golden King. Well, at least he hadn’t exaggerated the golden part, but she digressed. 

So there they sat, on her flower-patterned sofa and there they hatched plan after plan after plan. Most of her ideas were shot down almost immediately, most of his ideas were… let down a bit more gently (he _was_ the King and after all, one did not simply shoot down the King’s ideas). With each roadblock, Arthur was becoming more and more agitated. Soon enough, he was pacing her living room, gesturing with his arms wildly as she sat there and tried to not begin screaming in frustration.

“…if I could just TALK to him, I know, I _know_ I could…”

“No! We’ve talked about this already, if the shield on you is dropped that’s it, it’s not coming back up again! And you’ve _seen_ him, there’s really no talking to him and…”

“But he was _normal_ when he came here! I heard him, I saw him, he was my… he was himself.” The look he gave her was pleading. 

Gwyneth sighed and shook her head, getting up to pace a bit herself. “Yes and no. He was… it was a good day. So he managed to fight the Darkness back. But you _saw_ how much that took out of him. And you heard him yourself, good days are getting fewer and farther in between. What’ll you do if you get there and it’s a bad day? What if he doesn’t recognize you or, heavens forbid, attacks you in a bout of madness?” 

She gulped and closed her eyes, unwilling to see his reaction at what she had to say next. “What if he kills you?” It was barely a whisper, but a loud scoff she got in response confirmed he had heard her.

“Merlin would never hurt me.” 

The conviction in his tone made her want to scream. “But that’s just it! He’s not _Merlin_ anymore, have you not listened to a word I’ve said, by the Goddess!” What a blastedly frustrating man, she thought angrily, throwing her hands up when Arthur just stood there, arms crossed, eyes shooting angry sparks at her. Such a stubborn…ugh! She was about to begin yet another (completely hopeless) spiel, but the anger in the King’s eyes was slowly turning to… curiosity? Gwyneth closed her mouth and waited.

“Speaking of shields and what not. You’ve been telling me how powerful he’s become, yes?” At her careful nod, he hummed. “How come he didn’t see me, or sense me through the blasted thing if he’s this all-powerful mighty being?” 

The druid blinked. “Oh, that. Avalonian magics,” she said matter of factly and shrugged at Arthur’s incredulous look before explaining. “The Sidhe may not be all that powerful anymore, considering...”

“Considering what?” 

She flinched so bad Arthur stepped up to her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

“Come on, tell me, I can take it.” He gave her a smile, which Gwyneth did her best to return. From the worried look he gave her, she figured she did not quite succeed.

“They used to be much stronger, way back when. And they used to live in our realm too, in quite the large numbers, in fact… but. Well. Um… when the Darkness began taking hold, Emrys…” She sighed, took a deep breath and soldiered on. “He went to the Lake, summoned the Sidhe Court and demanded they return you. Obviously, they did not comply. So… enraged and in pain, for at that point, he knew… Oh Arthur, he knew what was happening to him and he despaired for he could not stop it and they denied him and were…well, Sidhe were Sidhe and… he gave them an ultimatum. Either they return you to him then and there or… or he destroys them.”

“He what.” Arthur, who had stood up again, probably on his way to more coffee, collapsed back into the armchair, his legs failing at holding him up. 

Gwyneth looked at him miserably, then pulled herself together, nodded firmly, and went to her bar. Pouring them both a glassful of something amber in color and death in percentages, she walked back, handed him his glass, sat down and took a fortifying gulp. After shuddering through the burn, she continued the story.

“The Sidhe straight up laughed in his face. ‘The Abomination, Doomed to always walk the Line, Neither Here nor There for Now and Always.’.” At Arthur’s thunderous expression she gave an ‘I feel you’ grimace, motioned for him to drink and did so herself. “They mocked him. They laughed. They told him he’d never see you again any way, so he might as well just give up then.”

“Merlin never really knew what giving up was…”

“Yeah so…well. He destroyed them then. Obliterated the Court then and there. When the rest tried to flee, he kept the Gates of Avalon open with his _bare hands_ , and Arthur? I cannot stress how insane that is. You’re caught up with nuclear power in history yes?” At the King’s nod she gulped down another swallow, and mulled over her phrasing for a moment. “Doing that was like… holding a nuclear reactor’s core in the palms of his hands.” 

She saw his eyes widening and pushed on. “He told them, there would be no safe place for their kind anywhere, ever again, if they did not give you back. The Sidhe blasted him with all they had. _All_ the Sidhe. One collective blast of raw, unfiltered magical energy. The closest equivalent I could give you would probably be… The energetic value that’s stored inside our Sun? Yeah, I think that’s about it. So, they managed to move him just enough to be able to slam the Gates shut. They sealed them then. Never to be opened again. It was too risky, see? If they’d open the Gates, he’d feel it and then he could get in. They sacrificed all of the Sidhe now stuck on our side, just so they could keep him out of Avalon.”

Arthur took a deep gulp of his drink, not feeling anything as he drank. “Sacrificing…?”

“Mhm. They could survive on this side, provided they were _allowed_ to… but, after the Gates closed…Emrys did not take that denial well. That, and the deep-frying of his ass as well, I’d imagine.”

The King snorted, but even that sound came out sort of hollow. 

“The Sidhe were all over the world you know. In all the continents. In all the oceans. Scattered about in clans and families…most of them, away from humans, not interfering, just going about their lives. Peacefully. Or, as peacefully as the Sidhe were capable of, at least. It took him a while, granted, but, in just over a few decades… he killed them all, Arthur. There’s not one Sidhe alive in our realm today.”

“Yet he still could not see me. How?” he asked with numb lips, numb eyes watching as Gwyneth shrugged.

“My best guess would be Lady of the Lake. She’s... I’m not quite sure, exactly. She’s sorta _of_ Avalonian magics, but not quite… It was weird, being in her presence. I’m not … I don’t…” She shrugged again with a huff. “I don’t know _how_ she did it, I’m just glad she did. It gives us an advantage.” 

Arthur knocked back the rest of his drink and nodded. “Indeed it does. If he can’t see me, it means I can observe him with no interruptions. Good.”

“Yup. That it... wait. What now?” Arthur gave her a grin. It was strained and looked like it hurt to keep on his face, but there it was, nonetheless. It was trying that counted, wasn’t it?

“I’m going to go see Merlin.” 

Gwyneth didn’t even bother with a glass this time, and took a swig straight from the bottle.

~x~

“I saw our Queen the other day. Well, almost her. The girl bears an absolutely uncanny resemblance though… and a moderately large part of her soul as well… I think if she remembered… she’d miss you, old friend.”

_You think so? I wish I could see her too… I do miss her too…so much…_

“I miss you too. You _were_ one of my best friends, after all. You know that, right, Lancelot...?”

~x~

“This is…handy.” Arthur watched Merlin pace and flail his arms around wildly as he laughed at something the windowsill had apparently told him.

Gwyneth snorted. “Hardly. It gives you no sound and can only be used- oh shit, move!” She shoved Arthur away from the mirror, waving her hand over it frantically.

“What’d you do that for?!”

“He was turning this way,” she hissed, and Arthur threw his hands up.

“Well that’s just lovely isn’t it! How do I figure out how to save him, if you don’t tell me where he is, so that I can go and see him for myself, _and_ you won’t even let me use that mirror-thingamajig?”

Gwyneth had just about had it with his royal stubbornness. “Ugh! It’s dangerous! Too dangerous. I swear it’s like you never listen to me when I talk!”

“Well maybe if you talked more sense I would!”

“You’re impossible!”

“And you’re a mother hen!”

By the time they had both run out of insults, they were both panting and glaring daggers at each other. It was obviously time for a break. And break meant coffee, which meant kitchen. Which was exactly the direction Arthur (Very Dignifiedly) stormed off to. He was getting rather good at the whole coffee making thing, Gwyneth had to hand it to him. At that point, he had coffee duty most of the day, except for the very first cup. She was still making those, for he would simply refuse to get out of bed if there wasn’t a steaming cup on the bedside table waiting for him. How the King had managed to get up in the olden days she had no clue. When she gathered enough courage to ask, she was treated to a sour expression and a grumble about ‘good for nothing, slave-driving servants that delighted in pulling their monarchs out of beds and that’s treason I swear!’ But, on top of making an absolutely mean cup of coffee, his royal highness was also, _finally_ washing his dishes after each meal, so she called progress. One step at a time, one step at a time…

When they weren’t trying to claw each other’s eyes out with the planning of plans and failing at them spectacularly, however, the druid and the King found they could actually enjoy one another’s company. Arthur was ridiculously fascinated by the world around him. And Gwyneth was rather delighted at being a teacher, after spending most of her life as a student, even if it had been as the student of _The Emrys._

Take this afternoon for example - they were sitting out on the porch, enjoying the warm summer’s air, and sipping exquisitely made lattes, courtesy of Arthur, when he hummed thoughtfully and waved at Gwyneth, asking for attention. The druid put down the book she was reading, one of the ones _He_ had left her after his visit (most of them filled to the brim with spells and rituals for protection, and, as she was beyond pleased to find, most of _those_ created by _Him_ himself; the margins filled in with his neat handwriting, explaining minute shifts in the rituals caused by substitution of different herbs and crystals. The books were absolutely fascinating, even if quite a lot of what was written sort of flew over her head still, but, considering her studies were as incomplete as they were, she figured she should be glad she could understand even as much as she did), and raised an eyebrow at the King.

“Say, Gwyn… that crystal thingy.” At her eyebrow rising higher, Arthur rolled his eyes. “The one you gave me that first night? The ball?” At her ‘oh that yes continue’ look, Arthur hesitated just for a second before continuing. “Can it only show history?” 

Gwyneth blinked, clearly having not expected the question. “That one – yes.”

“So there are more.”

“Well, yes. Emrys created them for any and all subjects that could possibly intrigue you.” Arthur blinked and she gave him a small smile. “You look surprised.”

“Of course I’m surprised. You just said that not only did Merlin create these impossible-to-even-comprehend contraptions that store massive amounts of knowledge, he did that -- for _me._ ” 

Gwyneth straight up laughed at that. “Well duh. Who else would he have bothered for? And, to finish answering your question, I could only get that one because I’m the Acolyte in charge of the History Upkeep. Emrys wanted you to have any information about any subject that you could wish for at your fingertips. So he worked for… oh, I don’t know he was pretty vague about exact dates, but I estimate a century and a half at the _least_ in perfecting that particular spell. But the amounts of knowledge couldn’t be contained all in one orb, so he made several, each for a different subject and then, throughout the ages, as the numbers of our Order grew, he charged different Acolytes with upkeep and updating of each Orb. So, I could get that one, but not the others… sorry about that. He wanted you to have no disadvantages as you braved this world that’s so different from the one you left behind.”

“He was taking care of me even while he was falling apart himself. Foolish… so foolish, that sorcerer of mine…” Arthur didn’t seem to notice he’d spoken aloud and was too deep in thought already, so Gwyneth just left him to it and returned to her book for the moment.

A week they spent drafting one plan after another. A week they spent debating every possible outcome of every possible situation. They had contingencies for their contingencies. Still, there was virtually no progress. For, for there to _be_ progress, Gwyneth had to actually let Arthur out of her sight. Which she refused to do. Categorically. Something had to give, and soon, otherwise…well. Arthur Pendragon wasn’t known for the infinity of his patience after all.

~x~

“I can’t do this anymore.”

_Yes, you can._

“You’ve too much faith in me, Knight Captain.”

_Nonsense. I’ve just the right amount. You can do this, Merlin, and you will. He’ll need you when he comes back. He always did. He always will._

“…”

~x~

Gwyneth got out of the shower, wrapped her fluffy comfort towel around herself, and frowned. There were no clothes in the bathroom. Well, there were her old ones but no new, clean ones and that just wouldn’t do. Figuring it was late and her house guest was most likely asleep already, the druid just shrugged and left the bathroom, her towel clutched tightly around her. She walked, idly rubbing another towel over her hair, when all of a sudden, there was a very firm, very human shaped wall, colliding and promptly tumbling down with her in the middle of the dark corridor.

“Ouch. The hell, Arthur…” the girl whined, trying to rub her bruised elbow, which was a rather hard maneuver to achieve with a whole King on top of her.

“Oh by the… I’m so sorry, Gwyn, I was… preoccupied I suppose, wasn’t watching where I was going. Here, let me help you u-- what are you wearing?!”

If she hadn’t been in quite the amount of pain she was currently in, the indignant squeak would have made her giggle. Now, however, throbbing elbow trumped a flustered King. “I left my clothes in my room, would you just help me up already?” With another huff, he did as asked and then escorted her to her door, hand helpfully on her good elbow.

“There you go. I… apologize again.” 

She waved him off before turning with a smile. “No harm done. Goodnight, Arthur, I’ll see you in the morning.” 

With an acknowledging hum, he turned to leave. Gwyn, however, was left wondering what exactly the look the King was sporting as he left meant.

~x~

‘You’re staring you know.” Her soft voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Am I… that was not my intention, I meant no offense, please, forgive me.” 

She giggled and snapped another book closed. “Do I look that much like her then? Your Queen?”

“You truly do. It’s rather disconcerting, actually. It’s not just in the looks either you know.”

“Oh?” Gwyneth took a moment to collect herself, inhaled deeply, and stood up.

“Yes. It’s… your mannerisms, and how you act with me sometimes, I… Gwyn? What are you doing?” His voice rose a little in mild panic -- which, honestly, who could blame him, considering the Once and Future King was now in possession of a lapful of druid.

“Do you desire me then? If I look and act so much like her.” Arthur’s eyes went really, really wide. Gwyneth bit her lip, raising her arms and wrapping them slowly around his neck. “Do you want me? Because if you do… you can have--“ 

He gently took hold of her arms and removed them from around his neck. Taking her wrists in hand, the King placed soft kisses to the knuckles of both her hands and then let them go. His eyes were kind. Gwyneth felt mortification set in. Before she could open her mouth to apologize, however, Arthur inhaled deeply and spoke.

“While I am flattered, truly, my lady, I am, I am also, however…” Here he let out a little chuckle. “I’ve never had the need to speak of this before. You see, Guinevere and I… we… we did love each other. Quite a lot at that too… but. Well. Our love was never… I mean, we never… I mean that is to say…” 

With every word, Gwyneth’s eyes widened too until it wasn’t enough and her jaw dropped open as well. “Oh by the Goddess! I am SO sorry, Arthur, I… oh my … I’m an idiot!” She tried to jump up, but firm arms around her waist had her squeaking and tumbling right back down into his lap. 

His laughter, however, dispelled most of the awkwardness still remaining. “No, you’re not. And there’s really nothing to apologize for. I’m the one that’s been staring, apparently. Which, I am sorry for. I just… you remind me of her and I miss her. It must have been confusing. But it’s not like I don’t see you too, you know. I know we’ve only known each other a little while, but… you’re a precious friend, Gwyn. I hope you realize that.” 

She relaxed in his arms then, returning his hug with a huff. “You’re a precious friend too, _Your Majesty_ ~” This time, the grins matched.

~x~

“So I’ve been thinking” was what Arthur opened with the next morning, after having inhaled his first cup of coffee, and having promptly made another one to sip at, at his leisure.

“I’m all ears, Your Majesty.” That granted her a weary grin. Gwyneth felt inexplicably pleased at that.

“This Council of yours. The one that’s planning things against Merlin?” Gwyneth did _not_ like where this was going already. “I need to see them.” 

The Druid’s jaw dropped. “Say what now.” 

The King shrugged, all nonchalant-like. Gwyneth didn’t buy it for a second.

“It’s apparent that we’re not making any progress on our own and, from what you’ve told me, and from what _Merlin’s_ hinted at while he was here, I gather this Council has more people with ideas that are also doomed to fail. Unless someone does something different. I say, let’s pool resources, yeah?” 

Her eyes narrowing, she took a step closer to him, where he was leaning on a counter, all picture of innocence and relaxation, and poked him on the chest. Hard. “You are plotting something. I don’t like it.”

“Ah, but that’s the beauty of it.” He gave her a feral grin, rubbing his chest absentmindedly. “You don’t have to like it. You just have to obey it. I am, after all, your King.” He finished with a wink and Gwyneth literally had nothing to refute that with.

~x~

“You’ve always been such a good listener, Perce. But I always enjoyed our shared silences the most. It’s been a while since I’ve had enough quiet to enjoy a silence, you know? Oh, how I wish for just a moment of quiet lately… how I wish for so many things, lately… so many things…”

~x~

“…just stating for the record, but I absolutely hate this plan.” 

Arthur rolled his eyes and buckled in his seatbelt. Another painstakingly slow and fruitless week later, the Council was convening and Gwyneth had gotten wind of it thus the, albeit extremely reluctant, excursion.

“So you’ve said. Repeatedly. For the record, however, this is not The Plan. This is us, going to meet some people. So that The Plan could maybe begin to take shape.” 

Gwyneth started her car with a huff. “I still hate it. I’m allowed to bloody hate it okay?” 

That earned her a chuckle and a fond shake of a blond head. “Just drive, Miss Daisy.”

She threw her hands up in mock exasperation. “You catch me in the garden one time, _one,_ and now I’m a flower forever, that it?”

Arthur smirked as he shrugged. “Hey, if the shoe fits…”

Gwyneth scowled at the new nickname, accepted it as fact and then did as bid.

It took them the better part of the day to get to where they were going. As they were driving, Gwyneth explained that the Council never convened at the same place twice – both for security and because that way, everyone would be equally inconvenienced while going to the Meetings, as druids tended to live all over the place, some in larger, some in smaller settlements. Others, like her, lived alone. Or, then again, with their Anchors. Arthur still had questions about those and Gwyneth was more than willing to educate him – it passed the time.

“So how come Tana wasn’t _your_ Anchor?” he asked after a pit-stop at McDonalds.

“I didn’t need her to be yet,” Gwyneth said with a shrug and a slurp of her milkshake. 

Arthur wrinkled his nose at the sound but quickly refocused on what she was saying. “Meaning?”

“Meaning I’m not strong enough yet to _need_ an Anchor. I was probably never going to be either.” 

Arthur made a thoughtful sounding hum. “So… not both partners have to be of equal magical strength and abilities for the Anchoring to work then?” 

Gwyneth shook her head and poked her GPS, frowning at it for a minute before taking a turn. “No, it’s not the magic that needs to be of equal measure, it’s the souls that have to be compatible. It’s…um… it’s going to sound cheesy as hell, but Anchors are like…um…soulmates, in a manner of speaking. It’s like, when you find your Anchor, you find a part of yourself that’s been missing. Or something.” She shrugged again. “At least that’s how Tana described it to me. I mean, of course, being on the same level magic-wise helps, but...”

“But … to you, it didn’t feel like that?” He asked, seeming to ignore the last part of her statement completely. 

Gwyneth tossed him a quick look, but Arthur wasn’t looking at her, his gaze firmly out the window. “No, I mean… we had only done a one-sided Bonding Ritual. When she found me I was still a child; you can’t complete a full Bonding until you reach maturity and well… after I did… we never had the chance. I did love her. She was… after my parents… she raised me. She’ll always have a place in my heart.” She bit down her smile then. “Now to answer the question you actually wanted to ask, yes, the Bond can be completed even if one bonded is not magical whatsoever. As long as both parties are willing and consent is clearly stated, the Bonding Ritual can take place.” 

He did not respond to her comment, but even in the darkening of day, the rising dusk left just enough light for her to notice pale roses bloom across the King’s cheeks.

~x~

_You always were rather useless don’t you think? You failed, after all. You failed, you couldn’t save him, he died, and **I** won. And I will always win. Don’t you see? You’ll always fail him. Because you’re useless. Now, just like you were back then. You’re nothing, Emrys. Nothing._

~x~

“Here we are.”

“Doesn’t look like much, does it.” 

Gwyneth shrugged, slammed the car door, and led the King towards the two-storied house. “Inconspicuous is good, Arthur, the less attention it draws the better. Especially considering…” 

He snorted. “You seriously think…” But Gwyneth never did learn what she was supposed to think, as a loud crash coming from somewhere within the house had them pause their banter and sprint inside instead.

“Just in time I see.” 

Gwyneth couldn’t fathom how he was so calm. Just. How? Her brain was bouncing between complete meltdown and absolute hysteria, while he just jogged beside her, cool as a cucumber. In fact, even in jeans and a jersey, the blond beside her managed to look regal. The utter bastard. Her ponderings came to a halt as they burst into the, what was supposed to be, Meeting Room, only to find it in utter disarray.

Chaos was what met them – tables were turned over, chairs laid shattered to pieces all over the place; there were people bleeding, and screeching their heads off, and running around like headless chickens. And in the midst of it all, there He was. Standing there, looking, for all intents and purposes like a disappointed parent whose children had been caught doing mischief.

“Drop the shield.” Arthur hissed, his eyes not moving from the man in the middle of the room. 

Gwyneth, having absolutely given up on speech, just shook her head. 

“Gwyn, now, before…”

“I told you not to be here, my lady.” It was spoken softly, so softly, but Arthur heard. Heard every word. Just as he saw the exact moment the last ember of light in his sorcerer’s eyes shuttered and winked out. A second later, all hell broke loose.

~x~

_Oh, young warlock… What have you done? Come now, old friend, it’s not too late. You can still… stop this. Please, Merlin. Stop._

~x~

A wave of a hand and three people got a very intimate introduction to the nearest wall, crumpling into a friendly pile on the floor. Only low groans coming from their corner let the others know they still breathed. Considering the situation, the question was how long that might last, however.

“You have to do it now. While he’s distracted. Come _on_!” Gwyneth hissed frantically, while Arthur watched, slack-jawed, as his former manservant, one of the kindest, gentlest souls he’s ever known, rained pain and terror around him.

“Naughty naughty children~ Silly plots and silly plotting and silly silly oh so silly ideas~ You~ Can’t~ Touch~ Me~” He sing-songed as he twirled round and round, with each circle making more and more people crumble to their knees and moan in pain. They couldn’t leave either; it seemed the King had truly come at the right time, for now? All of the exits were sealed shut by something that glimmered, and shone, and did _not_ look like it’d be a good idea to touch.

“Come on, Arthur, time’s running out…. You have to.” Gwyneth was sobbing, choking on her tears and horror. “You have to kill him.” And, with their luck being what it was, that was when _He_ stopped with his twirls and seemed to finally remember she was there.

“Ah, my little druid~ There you are. Come give us a hug, mmm?” For some reason, he didn’t just pull her to him, he actually started walking towards her himself, arms open in a mocking invitation.

“Drop the shield.”

“No.”

“No~? But all I want is a hug~” There was a pout on his lips that had Arthur’s hand clenching at his sword handle.

“Drop the fucking shield, Gwyn.” There were only a few steps between them now, _He_ was close enough to… They could both see _His_ arms glimmering, same as the exits, dimmer, but still there. 

Tears were streaming down her face as she turned to face the King. “I can’t. He’ll kill you too.”

“Who are you talking to, little druid?” There was…genuine confusion in his tone, and Arthur bit down a curse; they _so_ did not have time to argue. Just then, a loud groan came from the other side of the room, making three pairs of eyes snap over.

“You…must…be…stopped.” The oldest looking druid wheezed. He was held up from both sides by two women, who looked like they could be twins. There were four more right behind them. A moment later, they all started chanting. 

“Oh no… no no no that won’t work…” Gwyneth whimpered, sounding beyond terrified. 

_He_ raised an eyebrow and sneered. “Pathetic.”

“What are they doing? Come on, Daisy, talk to me.” Arthur grabbed her elbow and shook her when it became clear she was in some kind of a shock. With a curse forced out through gritted teeth, he forcefully turned her to him and slapped her cheek.

“Ouch!” 

Arthur spared a quick glance at _Him_ , but it seemed the group of barely breathing, still chanting druids were holding his attention for the moment.

“What. Are. They. Doing?”

“They’re trying to…um… contain him, I guess?” She took a shuddering breath, shook her head and seemed to force herself into refocusing. “Except it won’t work, he’s too powerful for any prison they may erect, and this spell is too damn pricey, it’ll kill them all, the imbeciles! We have to stop them!”

“ _Now_ will you drop the shield?” At her scathing look, he grinned and winked. It seemed it was finally…

“BoooOooring. Enough of this, now,” _He_ sang through a yawn, turned to Gwyneth and laughed, a little crazed. “I’ll be right back for you, little druid, don’t go anywhere~” And then he raised his hand, blinked, and clenched his hand into a fist. The druids clutched at their throats simultaneously, heaving for breath, blood spilling from their eyes and noses.

“Gwyn.” Arthur breathed and then _breathed_ ; it felt like a screen had been lifted from his eyes. Everything felt realer, looked brighter, smelled…well, smelled like death and blood and brimstone, to be fair, but that wasn’t his focus right then. It felt like he could finally _see_ the other man. His manservant. His secret sorcerer. His Merlin.

“Choke and die choke and die, choke and bleed and--“

“Merlin.” 

He froze. Mid-word, mid-hand-waved spell, mid-breath. He knew that voice. He _knew_ that voice. He’d been waiting to hear it for over a millennia now. It was the voice of his master. His friend. His King. It was the only voice, the _only_ voice that the Darkness never used. Never dared to. Which meant…which meant he had finally lost it for good. Because anything else wasn’t…. possible. Was it? He forced his body to move. Forced himself to turn. 

“Merlin. You have to stop. Stop now. It’s enough.” 

It washed over him like the first warm rain of summer. Like the first breath of air after almost drowning. It washed over him like the clang of swords and sunshine and the whinny of his favorite mare in the fields of Camel- 

“Come back to me, Merlin. Come back.” 

He blinked. Hair spun from gold and starlight. Eyes of twirling ocean waves. Gaze that pierced deeper than any sword, any spell. It couldn’t be. But even without his armor. Without his cloak. It was. His arm dropped, the spell dissipating, the druids finally able to greedily gulp down air into their tortured lugs. He took one step. Then another. Reached, his hand trembling, fear locking up _his_ lungs. The hand that gripped his was warm and calloused and strong and _there_.

“Ar…thur…” The last thing he saw was blue, blue, blue. The last thing he felt, before darkness swallowed him up were strong arms, wrapping around him, keeping him from falling, keeping him safe. The last thing he heard was “I’m here, Merlin. I’m not letting go.”


	3. Ashes to Salvation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was supposed to be three chapters o.o  
> and ... then it sorta ran away from me o.o  
> ...whoops?  
> so sorry, but this isn't quite the end yet.  
> hOwEvEr. i /did/ manage to not end this chapter with a cliffie! *proud pterodactyl noises*  
> i hope you enjoy ~~

It was dark, where he was. Dark and quiet. He saw nothing, and heard nothing, and, most importantly, he felt nothing. It was peaceful. He did not want to leave.

When the first sounds came back, he felt like wincing. Someone was arguing. Loudly.

“…will not have this..”

“…insanity, you cannot…”

“…your King!”

“…allowed to leave!” 

He didn’t care to hear more, so he drifted away again. He felt better in the quiet.

Then he felt like he was floating on water in the middle of an ocean. It felt…mildly nauseating, to be honest, but it was still dark and peaceful and thus, he stayed.

When the floaty feeling passed, there was a soft breeze, gently carding through his hair like fingers. He liked that. He wanted that feeling to _stay_. He thought he frowned when the fingers left.

~x~

Arthur closed the door quietly behind him and turned to face Gwyneth. “How long do you think he might stay like that?” 

The druid sighed, shrugged, and then motioned for the King to follow her. Once they were further away from the rooms, she turned to face him. “I’ve honestly no idea, Arthur. I’ve no idea _why_ he’s still unconscious even. The best I can gather, he’s in shock. His brain couldn’t handle what it was seeing and thus, shut down to process without external interruptions.”

“He saw me and fainted like a damsel, is what you’re telling me.”

She smacked his arm. “This is not a laughing matter! Just because he’s unconscious, doesn’t mean the Darkness isn’t spreading within him.” 

All humor left the King’s eyes and he nodded, expression severe. “Right you are, Daisy. On that note, off you pop, I’ll be dealing with him from now on.” 

Gwyneth’s jaw dropped right open. “Come again?”

“You can’t stay here, obviously, at least for now.” He huffed crossing his arms across his chest and giving her a _look_. “You said it yourself, not to mention your Council kept yapping it too – he’s unstable. The less people there are in his nearest vicinity when he wakes, the better. After all, we’ve no clue which one of him will wake up. And even if… if he wakes at all.”

“He will. Of course he will. He wouldn’t disobey a direct order of yours, would he?” The laughter that tore out of him sounded wet, but Gwyneth, bless her, pretended not to notice.

“He never could obey my orders.”

~x~

Someone was speaking again. It wasn’t loud, wasn’t _inside_ him, and it was soothing, so he stayed to listen. Just for a minute.

“It looks like home. This place. I didn’t notice when we were getting you to bed, but I took a look around as I saw Gwyn out. This is… the Citadel. Except, it’s not, is it? I asked Gwyn. She said this was a…replica, most likely.”

A chuckle sounded. He liked the sound of that laugh. 

“I’d say… even the stones beneath my feet feel familiar. Not to mention, you know, these rooms. _My_ rooms. Where you’re currently sprawled all over _my_ bed. The insolence, I swear. Only you, Merlin.” 

The voice went a little shaky then, and he felt like frowning again; that voice had no right to sound so sad, that was… not okay. “Enough, however, do you hear? Enough with the lazing about. Up you get, we’ve work to do. Come on, Merlin, wake-y wake-y. Up and at ‘em. Rise and shine. Let’s… let’s have you, lazy daisy.” 

Okay yeah no, that wobbly tone had to go. Filled with determination, he surged up. And up and _up_ and then he was blinking his eyes open and- 

“ _Mer_ lin.”

Ah, there it was. Much better… He blinked again and rose up on an elbow. His vision was still blurry a bit so he squinted. The mirage came into clarity, and then he was not amused.

“Get out.” 

The blond imposter blinked. “Say what.” 

With a groan and too much effort needed, he raised himself and sat up against the headboard. “Get out. How _dare_ you use that face. You’ve no right… and no decency left do you. Not him. Anyone _but_ him, I’ve _told_ you…” 

The imposter pouted. He wanted to smack that pout off of his face. Together _with_ said face.

“I see I didn’t luck out and get the sane you, huh…? But enough’s enough, truly, Merlin. Come back to me. Now. That’s an order.” 

He snorted, surprised himself with the sound and then proceeded to laugh. “Oh man…that actually _did_ sound like him. And that expression. Hah… spot on, I’ll grant you. But you’re right, _Your Majesty_ ,” he hissed through gritted teeth and raised a hand with a sneer. “Enough. Is. Enough.” And with that, he blasted the hallucination to dust.

~x~

He had never felt more grateful for his father’s insistence that he needed to train and train and then train some more. Throughout his life, he had trained so much and so hard, he sometimes ended up dreaming of drills… and that was, most likely, the only reason why he managed to react fast enough and quickly enough to duck the pure lightning bolt that crackled at his sorcerer’s fingertips and then shot straight at his face. Sprawled by the side of the bed, Arthur shook his head, trying to reorient himself.

A head with a dark mop of hair stuck over the edge of the bed then, big blue eyes, marred by dark bruises under them, on a too pale face frowning down at him.

“Still here? Damn it all. Oh well, let’s try again shall we?”

“ _Mer_ lin! Stop this instant! I…” Arthur’s eyes widened and then he scrambled away from the bed and the hand that was, barely a second ago, practically shoved into his face. Getting across the room, Arthur turned, opening his mouth to try to talk to him again, and promptly fell to the ground again as a second bolt of lightning made friendly with the wall just behind where Arthur’s head was a breath ago. “Son of a…” He huffed, and reached for the tabletop blindly, eyes not leaving the bed and the sorcerer that lay there, with his hand still raised and his frown deepening.

“Strange. Hm, anyway, it doesn’t matter, does it. Third time’s the charm, yeah?”

“Merlin… I swear if you don’t-“ Then a third lightning bolt was flying through the air, aimed at his heart. Arthur cursed, grabbed for the hilt blindly, and then swung his sword with no more than a quick prayer to whoever might be listening. His sword cut the bolt smoothly in half, the energy fizzling and dissipating at the contact. Arthur blinked. “Huh. Imagine that…” He looked at his sword with newfound admiration.

“Impossible.” It was breathed out so quietly it could barely be heard, but hear it he did. “There’s only one sword in existence that could do that.” 

Arthur turned to the bed with a scowl and a scoff. “You’d know, considering you made it for me.” He strolled to the bed and promptly deposited the sword on the other man’s knees. “Excalibur. Forged in dragon’s breath. By your request, if memory serves. Believe me now?” 

The sorcerer’s breath hitched; his hand trembled as he reached for the blade. A choked sob escaped him as he ran his fingers over the runes carved on the blade. Gentle fingers raised his chin, blue blue _blue_ met his teary gaze. 

“I’m here, you idiot. I’m here and I’m real and you _have_ to stop trying to kill me now.”

“Arthur.” It was a gasp and a wheeze and then Excalibur was very rudely clattering to the floor and Arthur had an armful of a sobbing sorcerer.

“Yes well, right…” Arthur wrapped his arms around the trembling form awkwardly. Now that the worst part of their reunion seemed to be over with, he was suddenly… feeling rather wrong-footed. Never one too comfortable with actual comforting of others, Arthur flailed inwardly and forced himself to remember the Exercises for Inner Strength that he’d been taught as a youngster. While the King was attempting not to fall into a panic, Merlin’s seemed to finally be receding. The trembling stopped first. Then the heaving sobs. Then, with one last shuddering inhale, his iron grip on Arthur’s back relaxed a tiniest bit. 

“Okay?”Arthur asked softly and, feeling the fluffy hair brush against his neck as the other man nodded, pulled away gently. Not too far, just enough to be able to see his sorcerer’s face. Even red-eyed and puffy from crying, those were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. How in seven hells was that fair? His hand rose without a conscious thought, fingers brushing the underside of said eye with a barely there touch, wiping the tears, still silently streaming down his cheeks.

“Is this… please tell me… I won’t be able to stand it if…” 

Arthur huffed, rolled his eyes, and forced his jaw to relax enough for him to be able to pull up a smirk on his face. “Still a bumbling buffoon aren’t you, _Mer_ lin? Yes, this is real, yes I promise, I’m back. For good. I’m not leaving you again.” 

A fresh wave of tears flooded down and this time, Arthur flailed outwardly too. “Would you stop that? You know I’m not good…with… I mean… just… stop this crying already, honestly, such a girl, you are…” 

That made Merlin snort and finally, finally it didn’t feel like he was breaking his face when he smiled looking at his sorcerer.

“Leave it to you to return after more than a millennium yet still stay as emotionally constipated as ever. Honestly, _sire_ , feeling things is not a disease, you know. It’s scientifically proven and all that.”

“Haha, Merlin, very funny. And it’s not like _I_ would know, considering I haven’t gotten my hands on your Science orb thingy or whatever.” 

Merlin’s eyes widened comically at that. “How… how do you know about that.” He barely managed to breathe out, his face losing any color it had managed to regain since his last bout of crying in an instant. “Oh gods… this isn’t real after all, is it. Real Arthur wouldn’t know about my Orbs of Knowledge. Only my Darkness does. Oh gods… oh gods…”

“What no, Merlin, hold on a minute…” Arthur frowned, but Merlin wasn’t listening anymore, he was rocking in place, tearing at his hair and muttering angrily to himself and snapping at the pillow beside him. 

“Merlin, _Mer_ lin, oh hells…” Arthur grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him until his head snapped backwards and back again, making his teeth clack. “Merlin, breathe! I need you to breathe and listen to me. _Listen,_ blast you!” 

When his sorcerer kept on shaking his head and muttering at himself angrily, Arthur slapped a hand over his mouth and forced their eyes to meet. “Gwyneth. Remember her? She said she’s a student of yours. An…um… an Acolyte, am I saying that right?” At a cautious nod, he puffed out a sigh of relief and continued. “She’s the one that got me here. She gave me the Orb of History?” And why did that sound like a question, damn it, but it got him another cautious nod, and so he considered it a win. 

“Yeah, she said she couldn’t get the others because they weren’t hers to get. She’s the one that got me up to speed on well… as much as she could, really. She’s the one that got us back here too, by the way.”

A trembling (less though and Arthur counted that as another win, fight him for it) hand gripped his wrist and pulled his hand away from Merlin’s mouth. “The night at the Lake?” 

Merlin croaked, after licking his lips and Arthur slapped himself mentally for following the movement with his eyes.

“Yes.”

“You… you were there?”

“Yes.” A pained moan sounded at his admission and it took Arthur a moment to realize why. “Hey, hey now. No. Do not go there, it wasn’t your fault, okay, are you listening to me, Merlin? It was _not_ your fault. Say it with me. Not ...“

“…my fault. Oh, by the gods, of course it was my fault, you dollophead. I… I killed that druid. Oh, Arthur, I killed so many…”

“Please, as if I haven’t killed scores of people as well.” The King spoke over him, his voice light. “Who hasn’t? It happens. It’s also in the past. Ergo, you can neither change it nor undo it, thus, it matters not. What matters is what you do from now on.”

“Gwyneth.. she… she’s got Gwen’s soul in her. And I killed the person, the _one_ person that was meant to be her Anchor one day. Oh… oh what have I…”

“Oh enough,” Arthur muttered and smacked him over the back of the head with a good amount of strength. It was sudden and sharp enough to absolutely shock Merlin into silence, leaving him gaping and clutching at his head, eyes wide and incredulous and finally, finally fixed solely on Arthur.

“You… you hit me.” And then he was beaming, his smile lighting up the whole damn room. “You hit me and it _hurt_.”

“Yes. Amazing, isn’t it. And if you don’t start listening to me I’m going to do it again. Isn’t that something to look forward to?”

“Ugh, once a bully, ey?” 

Arthur could have hugged him. His sorcerer was beginning to sound like himself again. “Shut up, _Mer_ lin.” 

Merlin’s grin widened further, disproving Arthur’s wondering if that was possible. 

“Now then, since we have finally ascertained that I am, in fact, alive and real and here, on to more pressing matters.”

“No. Not yet, please.” His sorcerer asked softly, a wondrous look on his face. “Just… let me look at you a moment.” 

Arthur rolled his eyes at that but stayed perfectly still, watching Merlin just sit there and …watch him. It wasn’t all that bad either. At least until his stomach up and growled loud enough to be heard all the way outside. Arthur flushed and Merlin snorted and for a moment, just one, tiny moment in time, they were back. Back in Camelot, where it was just any other morning before Arthur was due in the courtyard for training with his Knights and Merlin, his sweet, annoying Merlin, due to run ragged after him and _their_ Knights, keeping them hydrated, harping at them to be careful, by the goddess’ would they _mind_ not making his job harder just the _once_ … Arthur cleared his throat, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly, and Merlin blinked himself back, making a half-hearted attempt to get out of the bed.

“Um… Food? Food, I think. Um… could you, maybe, stand, I can’t get out otherwise… unless you’re going to get us the food, which, frankly, is too scary a concept to even consider if I’m being honest with you so…” 

Arthur couldn’t help the fond smile even as he stood, and offered his sorcerer a hand to help him up. “Babbling again, Merlin.” 

It was Merlin’s turn to flush as he accepted the hand, and stumbled to his feet. “Right well, you know me, I do that. What was… oh, yes, food, follow me if you would.” At Arthur’s raised eyebrow his face turned hard. “I’m not leaving you alone in here, and while I _could_ just conjure something for us from here, food cooked by hand tastes a bit better I find. So, you know, off we go.” _Because if I leave you here, you might just disappear on me. Again_ didn’t have to be said, but was so heavily implied Arthur could almost feel the words physically against his skin. He nodded and followed Merlin out of the bedroom and down the corridor into the kitchen.

“This looks … different,” Arthur remarked, looking around the modern kitchen curiously. His comment was met with a snort.

“Yeah well. While I can appreciate the aesthetic of the original, which, by the way, _is_ reconstructed as well and is in its original place as well, I prefer to do my cooking in something more… current centuresque,” Merlin told him with a grin and opened his frankly obscenely large fridge only to proceed to get damn near his whole entire self inside the bloody thing in his search of ingredients. 

Tossing a mildly disturbed glance at Merlin, Arthur continued looking around, and let out a loud whoop of triumph when he saw the gleaming appliance on a counter by the sink. “What what?!” Merlin yelped in alarm, stumbling away from the fridge, his arms full of… everything. 

Arthur turned to him with a grin. “You have a coffee maker! Top of the class too! Oh, _Mer_ lin this is brilliant.” And with that, he turned from the gaping sorcerer, strode to the machine, and proceeded to make them both coffee, while Merlin just stood there, gaping like a goldfish.

“What is even going on now...” Merlin muttered disbelievingly as he observed Arthur putter about his kitchen, confidently pulling ingredients and mugs and pressing button after button on the infernal machine he only bothered to get after his Acolytes nagged and whined for one in the first place.

“Do you have any, ah, there we go, splendid.” Arthur hummed, liberating a bottle of milk from Merlin’s arms and turning back to his creations. Then he opened the bottle, took a whiff and promptly gasped. “What the bloody hells is this?”

Merlin, still absolutely flabbergasted, could only shrug sheepishly. “Um…”

“Because it looks like milk and it’s in a milk’s bottle but it is not, certainly, milk. So I ask you, _Mer_ lin, what the hells is this?” 

His King’s eyes were sparkling in indignation and there was a confused frown marring his forehead and he was all… shiny. 

Merlin couldn’t deal with this. No way. Nope. He just. He took a deep breath and carefully arranged all the ingredients on the countertop before turning back to Arthur, who was still holding the bottle as far away from himself as his arm would allow and waiting for an explanation.

“It’s rice milk. I can get you cow’s milk if you want.” 

The frown didn’t dissipate. “Why on earth would you have fake milk instead of actual milk?” 

It was such a domestic query, Merlin let out a half-hysterical laugh. “I’m vegan,” he said with a smile tugging a corner of his mouth up as he turned to brace himself on the counter with a hip and crossed his arms, his entire focus on Arthur and their conversation. 

His King blinked at him. “You’re…vegan.” At his sorcerer’s nod, he blinked again, a scowl replacing his frown. “And that’s why you don’t have milk.” 

Merlin was biting his lip in an effort not to laugh. He nodded again. Arthur pouted. Merlin barely managed to stop himself from clutching at his chest at the expression. Unfair. Bloody unfair. Instead of letting himself swoon at the personified unfairness that was his King, he chose to elaborate, and get his mind off of...other… things.

“I don’t consume anything that used to be alive. I… I’m magic, and the Earth’s magic and every living thing is magic too. And I… I can feel them all. More so now than when I was younger. The connection between me and every living being on Earth is like…” He waved a hand in the air, trying to come up with sufficient words. “Like trees and roots, yeah? We’re connected. It feels like eating a part of myself to consume… well. Yeah.” At Arthur’s gobsmacked expression Merlin felt his cheeks heating. “What?” 

Arthur shook his head, a small smile on his face. “Nothing. Rice milk it is then.” And he turned back to his coffee making without any further complaints.

~x~

After he had managed to awe Merlin with his coffee making skills properly, and his sorcerer had whipped them up some food, they found themselves wandering the corridors of the Citadel and just…talking. Talking about everything and nothing and somehow, both managing to avoid touching anything even mildly important. For instance, Merlin didn’t quite have the heart to tell Arthur that after so many centuries he actually preferred tea to coffee. Arthur, meanwhile, would have rather swallowed his own tongue than admit that he had actually found the food Merlin had made bloody delicious.

“… the absolute _worst_ nag, I swear. If he wasn’t such a brilliant painter I would have turned him into a frog.” 

That startled a laugh out of Arthur. “A frog, Merlin, really? He couldn’t have been _that_ bad, surely…” 

Merlin’s expression, however, told him he was, in fact, that bad. “You’ll see. He’s in the Orb of Arts I think. Well, his painting career is, at least. His character was… well. Hold on though… hmm… No, I don’t think I’ve put it in one of my Orbs meant for you. So, I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it.”

“Ohoho? Does that mean there are orbs _not_ meant for me then?” 

At that, Merlin’s usually pale face colored again. “I mean… I… after I created the Orbs, it just… they just were so much more convenient than a written journal, you know? So, I sorta kept a personal record too. With my own thoughts and perceptions on certain things and people.” 

Arthur couldn’t bite down his glee. “Oh wonderful. I can’t wait to get my hands on those.” 

His sorcerer just snorted and rolled his eyes. “Which part of ‘personal’ flew over your head, sire?”

“Aw, are you keeping secrets from me again, then, _Mer_ lin?” Arthur clutched at his chest mockingly. “I’m wounded!”

“Ugh, stop it, you prat! They’re just some random personal observations, is all. Nothing of interest to you, I can assure you.”

“But if they’re just some random observations, what harm can they do?” Before Merlin could answer, however, there was a knock on the door. With a quick exchange of glances, both men turned and in minutes, were standing in the foyer.

“Who is it?” Merlin asked, motioning for Arthur to stand behind him.

His King glared and very exaggeratedly took a step to stand beside him.

“Ar…Arthur?” Merlin frowned, but Arthur grinned and threw the door open before Merlin could so much as blink.

“Daisy! You’re here.” His smile dimmed then and he closed the door a little, effectively shielding Merlin from her sight. “Why are you here?” She looked flighty and flinched at him when his tone cooled.

“Just… you know. Seeing how you were. How are… things?” 

Arthur heard a snort behind him and then Merlin’s breath was washing over his ear.

“Making sure I haven’t eaten you for breakfast on the Council’s behest more like…” 

Arthur repressed the shudder that threatened to run down his spine at the rush of hot air and refocused on the druid outside. “Things are wonderful. In fact, I’m glad you’re here. Would you like to come in?” He felt his sorcerer tense at his back and took his hand in his, hidden by his own back and the door. 

Merlin exhaled and seemed to relax infinitesimally. 

Gwyneth shook her head, her face paling even more. “No no no. There’s no need, truly. I was just… you know…”

“Are you sure? We’ve just put some coffee on. We’d be glad if you joined us.” 

Gwyneth swallowed audibly. “Us?” 

Arthur looked over his shoulder, saw Merlin give the smallest nod in existence and gave him a proud smile. “Yeah. Say hi.” And he opened the door fully, to let her in. He did not let go of Merlin’s hand.

~x~

It took awhile for Gwyneth to stop flinching when Merlin so much as breathed in her direction, but three cups of Arthur’s coffee later and she was sitting out on the patio, a small uncertain smile on her face, as the King regaled her with tales of one of their many adventures, Merlin sitting quietly at his side.

It didn’t escape her notice that he hadn’t so much as uttered a single word for as long as she’d been there. Now that the terror and fear of imminent death wasn’t clouding her judgement quite as fiercely, Gwyneth was sneaking glances at her Teacher and what she saw… broke her heart. It seemed that with every laugh Arthur managed to pull out of her, he was shrinking more and more; his face ghostly pale, his hands around his cup shaking. Before she could do something, _anything,_ it turned out she wasn’t the only one that was keeping an eye on him.

“…isn’t that right, Merlin?” The sorcerer flinched so bad his coffee sloshed out of his cup. Without so much as a wave, the coffee froze mid-spill and then flew right back, the only hint it was he who was responsible the lightning quick flash of gold in his eyes. 

Gwyneth was biting her lip, while the King frowned. Then he gently put his own cup down and slowly, oh so slowly, reached for his sorcerer’s hands. “Hey, where did you go?” His voice was so soft and warm Gwyneth did a double take. And then actually looked at him looking at Merlin. And oh, _oh_. So many things were beginning to make so much more sense now. 

”Come back to me, yeah?” His hands gentle on the sorcerer’s, Arthur liberated the cup and placed it on the table beside his own. Then he took his hands again and gave them a squeeze. “Earth to Lord Emrys?” That finally managed to coerce a snort out of him. Which would have been fine, except… then Merlin raised his head and looked straight into her eyes and Gwyneth couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, air locked in her lungs, echoes of Tana’s screams filling her ears.

“I’m so sorry, little druid. _So_ sorry…” he whispered and Gwyneth choked on a sob. His face crumpled and he opened his mouth to speak again, but she didn’t care. It was _him_. She knew those eyes. She’d seen those eyes for years. As she learned and failed, she’d seen them laugh, and crinkle, and shine brightly with fierce pride at her progress. She _knew_ those eyes. Gwyneth flung herself into his arms, sobs wracking her frame, and he wrapped her in a hug, muttering apologies and soothings into her hair.

As Gwyneth continued to cry, Merlin tossed a lost look at Arthur over her head, asking for help. Arthur’s hand found the back of his neck, squeezing gently, and the grounding touch finally managed to start chipping away at the black hole of pain and hurt that was his heart. This was far from over, but maybe… just maybe, with his King by his side, and his most loyal and beloved student right there as well, he could allow himself to begin to hope that one day, things could be okay again.


	4. Needs Must

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have updated the first three chapters a bit, so for those that don't want to go back, a little info - Daisy is a nickname Arty came up with for Gwyneth - she loves to garden and apparently, the sight of her elbows deep in a garden full of daisies seemed too cute for Arty and he couldn't help calling her that; also, I think she reminds him of his Queen so much the poor boy was a tad desperate to separate the two a bit more? It must be painful for him me thinks. so that's a thing that happened and is there now. Just to avoid confusion :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are /finally/ ...  
> sorry it took me for-bloody-ever to get this far, but there we go, another chapter o.o  
> i will try my bestest to not take another forever with the next one :"""D

“It’s late. I should probably…get going?” Why did that sound like a question? Gwyneth winced internally and bit her lip nervously. After spending the day with the Once and Future King and his Sorcerer, she… she didn’t want to leave. Not to mention, she sort of _was_ there on Council’s insistence. Sensing her hesitation, the two men exchanged a quick glance that seemed to contain an entire conversation within it. After another moment of barely awkward silence, two smiling faces turned towards her. (Granted, Merlin’s smile was far more subdued, but the point was, it _was there_. Gwyneth could not have been more glad for it too.)

“Why don’t you stay here?” Arthur blurted out, surprising all three of them equally with his declaration-ish question.

The young woman blinked, completely floored by the unexpected offer. “Wha…”

“There’s plenty of space and it’s such a long ride. Stay. We’d be all the more glad for it, right, Merlin?”

The sorcerer nodded, giving her a one-shouldered shrug. “Plus it’ll be easier to report to the Council from here.”

Gwyneth flinched and Arthur scowled.

“ _Mer_ lin.” His clearly exasperated and defensive _for her_ tone did nothing to ease the druid’s mind.

“Teacher, I…”

“Bah, Gwyn, pay this paranoid old lump no mind, honestly…” Arthur said with a grin and a roll of his eyes. “Now come, let’s choose you a room, yes?” He turned to walk down a corridor, but Gwyneth rushed to catch up to him quickly and caught his sleeve with light fingers.

“Arthur, wait, I…”

There was a rumble outside and, suddenly, the day was swallowed by the darkness of the darkest of nights. The temperature in the hallway dropped too; the air they were breathing out coming out in white puffs. Gwyneth shuddered in the plummeting temperature and then froze completely at the sound of _His_ voice.

“Naughty naughty~ No touching of _Our King_ , yes, little druid, mmm?”

Slowly, oh so slowly, Arthur turned around. “Gwyneth, get behind me. Do _not_ speak,” he muttered, barely moving his lips, and she dared not even nod as she inched behind his back. Gwyneth couldn’t stop her trembling however. That voice… the voice she heard that night, at the Lake… and then just days ago, at the Council… She screwed her eyes closed and willed herself to breathe as silently as possible.

“Our King, O~u~r, naughty druid, touching what’s Ours. Naughty needs to be punished, yes yes yes it does, doesn’t it? Mmmm, yes I agree~” _He_ was waging his finger cheerfully as he hummed and nodded to the potted plant on the windowsill. 

The plant looked like it was long dead, Arthur noted in an absentminded sort of way. Which was strange. He could have sworn that when they went by this corridor before it had been blooming. Refocusing, Arthur shook himself mentally and fixed his gaze on his sorcerer.

“Merlin?” Arthur had now positioned himself squarely in front of Gwyneth, shielding her with his body. “Merlin, come back to me.” He kept his voice level, not wanting to antagonize _It._ He refused to even consider whatever _that_ was as his Merlin.

“Hmm hmm hmm, but **she** ,” _It_ spat furiously, eyes narrowing, “ **she** touched _Our King._ She’s been naughty and naughty needs punishing, otherwise they don’t leaaaaarn. Don’t you seeeee?”

In an instant, _It_ was before Arthur, raising a pale hand with pale fingers and running them gently over Arthur’s jaw. “No one gets to touch _Our King_ but us. And it’s not like _he_ will punish her properly. Oh no no no, now that _Our King_ has returned…”

 _It_ had an almost forlorn look on _Its_ face and Arthur was struck by the realization that he was right – this, whatever this was, was _not_ his Merlin. And, and this was even more striking, if he was understanding the ramblings correctly, Merlin was fighting its influence.

Arthur barely managed to contain his grin.

“Come come come ooooon~ let us punish the naughty little druid, pretty please, mmm? She’ll never touch _Our King_ after we’re done with her oh no she won’t~”

Arthur could feel Gwyneth shaking behind him, and somehow instinctively knew that if there was ever a time to emulate his father, that time was now.

“M… Emrys.” His tone felt icy even to his own ears – emulation, successful. Still, he couldn’t call _It_ by his sorcerer’s name. Just. No. But, it seemed, it didn’t exactly matter what _It_ was called, as long as he was the one doing the calling.

“Yes, Your Majesty? Do you see, do you hear, _Our King_ is addressing us, us, oh glorious glorious day~” _It_ spun in circles before Arthur and Gwyn, arms spread wide, the crazed smile on _Its_ face.

“I’m your king, am I not.” It was not a question.

 _It_ stopped, chastised by Arthur’s tone, and nodded, eyes wide. “Of c--”

“Did I say you could speak?” _Its_ mouth slammed shut, and if Arthur had any doubts remaining about who he was dealing with, that one action promptly kicked them out the window. “That means, you are my subject. And what is the role, the **job** of my subjects?” After a few moments, he blinked, and then nodded graciously. “You may speak.”

“To serve you, Your Majesty. To fulfill Your every need and desire. To please you in any and every way you choose.” _It_ answered immediately, and Arthur repressed a shudder. That… that was just wrong. Yet, somewhere, in the depths of his mind, Arthur had to admit that those words, had they come from Merlin, well… He shook himself out from his musings, feeling ashamed of himself. Here he was, practically daydreaming while right in front of him, his sorcerer suffered, suppressed under all… that, whatever _it_ was. Focus, goddamn you. The King admonished himself and took a steadying breath before addressing _It_ again.

“It would never please me to see you harming my friends.” Before _It_ could protest, he continued in the same icy tone. “You ‘punishing’ Dai-- Gwyneth is something I would consider harming a friend, in case you were wondering. So. No punishing her, you hear me? In fact… no punishing _anyone_ without my explicit permission and supervision.” He fixed his most potent Uther’s Killer Glare on the one before him and watched, in mild horror, as _It_ bowed. _Bowed_ before him.

“Yes, Your Majesty. Whatever pleases you.”

Arthur nodded. “Good. Now, what would please me most, is having Merlin back. Right now.” He held his breath, fearing that maybe he pushed too hard, but with another bow, the darkness seemed to release the day, the temperature rose back up and the rumbling outside ceased. Between one blink and the next, his sorcerer was back.

“Arthur?” He sounded so…small. So lost. It broke Arthur’s heart. Before he could answer, however, Merlin swayed and went down. If not for his, yes highly superior, thank you very much, Merlin, reflexes, he would have splat down straight into the cobble stones. Thankfully, Arthur reached him in time and managed to soften his sorcerer’s fall. Now sat on the ground, with him in his arms, the King ran a gentle hand through his sorcerer’s dark locks, but Merlin’s eyes remained closed.

“Merlin?” He asked softly, not really expecting an answer. When none came, he sighed, got to his feet, never letting go of the man in his arms and turned to Gwyneth, who was still frozen a few steps away.

“Is it over?” she whispered when he nudged her with his shoulder lightly, and opened her eyes.

“Yes, at least for now. He’s out like a light again, though, so I think that’s our cue to get to bed.” He offered her a tentative smile and was immensely relieved when she returned it.

“I should…”

“Gwyn.” She was biting her lip again and he sighed. “I know this is… hard. Trust me, I know. But I think you should stay.”

“That’s crazy. You’re insane. Do you think _I’m_ insane. After what just happened, how dare you ask me that.” She tossed it all at him without a change of inflection in an utterly composed and emotionless voice. At his lack of reaction due to shock, the young druid rolled her eyes. “Just show me where I can get some shut eye, yeah?”

“Follow us.” Arthur started down a corridor, a beyond pleased smile on his face.

“What’s with the smug look?” Gwyn asked and the King chuckled.

“If this were Camelot, I’d think of Knighting you.”

“Just shut up and give a room, Your Majesty.”

“Right away, m’lady.” And if there were crimson roses blooming on her cheeks, neither one mentioned it.

“We’re down that hallway, up the stairs and to the right.”

Gwyneth didn’t bother hiding her relief, and Arthur smirked. “Yeah, I figured you’d prefer some distance. It’d do us all some good I think.” He hesitated a moment then. “Actually, until we have a better grasp on the… um, triggers, shall we say, I think some distance should be kept at all times, yes?”

Gwyneth snorted, completely un-ladylike. “Gee, ya think? Yeah, no offense, Arthur, but I’m not getting anywhere near you as far as I’m concerned.”

The King hummed thoughtfully and nodded. “From what I can tell, only you touching me was… bad; you could touch him just fine without that… that _Thing_ emerging, so, at least… you know… there’s that.”

The Druid sighed. “Yeah… there’s that.”

After a couple of awkward silent moments, Arthur huffed. “Well, goodnight then, we’ll see you in the morning, yes?” At her nod, he nodded back and turned to leave. Just as he reached the door, however, he stopped. “Listen, Daisy… if you still have doubts about what happened--”

“Wasn’t his fault. I know, Arthur. I’ll just be more careful tomorrow. Tell him not to fret when he wakes, yeah?”

The smile he tossed to her over his shoulder was brighter than the sun. 

~x~

“By the gods, but you’re lighter than a feather… This is all because of that no meat nonsense of yours, you know. I see I’ll have to feed you up again. The things I do for you, _Mer_ lin,” the King mumbled under his breath as he placed his sorcerer on the bed gently and then puttered about, fluffing the pillows and taking his shoes off and tucking him in. Only after making sure he was as comfortable as he was going to get did Arthur take a breath and realize he had tucked Merlin right back into _his own_ bed.

“Well.” The King hummed, feeling rather conflicted. On the one hand, it wasn’t like he was going to move Merlin again, and on the other, it wasn’t like he couldn’t just… sleep elsewhere. Then again, leaving him alone was not exactly an option either. “What a conundrum…” He huffed and then shook his head; it wasn’t like this would be the first time they ever slept together. During the hunts and quests, the nights growing cold, it made sense to sleep all huddled together for warmth. 

You’ve never shared a bed though, have you? Not _this_ bed especially, his traitorous mind whispered, and Arthur resolutely refused to blush. It just made sense, yes, yes it did. So… what was stopping him, exactly? With another huff, he turned to go to the closet to change out of his clothes at least, but before he could take one step, quick as a viper, a hand wrapped around his wrist. Keeping him in place.

“Don’t leave me.”

Arthur turned and blinked at the deep blue eyes, glistening with despair. “I’m not going anywhere. I was just going to undre...”

The grip tightened and, oh hells… Now there were actual tears running from those eyes and how could they possibly be _that_ blue…

“Please.”

Making a split-second decision, Arthur kicked his shoes off, unzipped his hoodie and gave Merlin a crooked grin. “Move over. Also, I can’t take this off if you don’t let go.”

His sorcerer did not return the smile, but he did move over, and even lifted a corner of the blanket so that Arthur could slide right in beside him. He did not release his sleeve, however, and so the King had no choice but to lie down in more layers than he’d have preferred.

“Seriously, Merlin, I’m going to cook in all these clothes, let me, please…” Before he could finish, a golden glow flashed in his sorcerer’s eyes and the King was suddenly feeling much cooler. A look to check confirmed his sudden lack of layers – all that were left were his pants. Arthur was not amused. Merlin had still not released his grip, now on bare skin.

“Ugh, fine, you’re such a girl, _Mer_ lin.” Arthur huffed, laid down and then raised his arm with an expectant eyebrow. It took him a second, but then Merlin’s eyes widened and he was snuggling in, his head on Arthur’s chest, ear right above his heart, his arm around his King’s waist, and he even managed to entwine their legs together.

Arthur sufficiently octopussed, Merlin let out a satisfied little sigh and was promptly out, leaving his King rather speechless. Finally, Arthur chuckled, shook his head and wrapped his arm around his sorcerer’s shoulders. “Truly, Merlin, only you…”

The morning would come with many difficulties and many apologies and much pain, he knew, but that was for morning. For now, the Once and Future King pulled his sorcerer closer to his side and slept.

~x~

When morning came, Arthur woke disoriented, but, surprisingly, incredibly well rested. Merlin woke right after and, well, froze like a deer in headlights. Neither one said a word about their… sleeping situation. Now they were getting dressed on the opposite sides of a changing screen, and Merlin finally broke the silence. Arthur was glad; it had been rather stifling.

“It’s getting worse.”

“What is?”

“The… ugh, the Darkness. At least, that’s what I’m calling it.”

Arthur hummed non-committedly and slipped into his sneakers. The word _sneakers_ never failed to amuse him. When Gwyneth had first presented him with a pair, Arthur had cackled for a solid five minutes straight and then proceeded to tell her how Merlin could’ve used them to easier _sneak_ about, what with all of his _sneaky_ magical missions and what not. Now, however, was not the time.

“Worse how?”

He heard Merlin plop on a chair by the desk and deemed it safe to emerge from behind the screen. He was correct – finding Merlin dressed and sort of even with his hair combed (not that any amount of combing that mess ever had any real effect, but A for effort), Arthur joined him at the table, giving the conversation his full attention.

Merlin was twirling a golden ball of light between his fingers. It seemed like an absentminded habit used to soothe himself. Arthur couldn’t help but be mesmerized.

“That time at the council. I…” He shuddered, eyes fixed on the ball, which peeved Arthur – he was used to eye to eye conversations and Merlin not meeting his eyes? Well, that just won’t do, now will it.

“Merlin. Look at me.”

Blue snapped to blue. Merlin blinked. The golden ball fizzled and dissipated. Arthur mourned its loss for a second before refocusing _again_.

“It was worse, this time. I was this close to losing myself completely. It felt like I was a mere passenger in my own body. No will left, no control. All I could do was watch.” Another violent shudder shook his frame, and Arthur’s hand moved to cover one of his sorcerer’s without so much as a conscious thought.

“You came back, though. You took back control.”

Merlin gave him a wry, weary mockery of his usual grin, making his King frown. “No, Arthur, I didn’t. _You_ called me back. _You_ pulled for me and pushed it away.” He sighed, any semblance of life leaving his tone then. “Soon enough, however, there won’t be enough of _me_ for you to pull back. I can feel it, slithering under my skin. It’s like… poison. This… corruption. Except worse, because it’s actually alive.”

Arthur did a double take. “Run that by me one more time?”

“It’s alive. It’s… it’s like a part of me, but it isn’t _me._ It’s like… I was whole once, yeah?” His gaze slid off Arthur’s face and focused on the windowsill where an array of potted plants were bathing in the morning sun. “And then I failed and didn’t save you and you died and I… well, I shattered. A piece of me split off, I guess. But it didn’t split off completely, so it’s still there, but not…really? And I couldn’t glue it back on. I couldn’t fix it. It was a… it was like this wound that I couldn’t treat, so it got infected, and festered, and then began to rot.”

Monotone. No inflection. No emotion. No nothing. It felt like he was reading a really boring crop report and not, instead, recounting how his soul was dying. Arthur tried to swallow. There was a knot the size of Camelot stuck in his throat.

“I fought it, at first.” He scoffed. “I fought it for centuries. And it worked. For a while. And then there were… well, there were distractions, let’s leave it at that, yeah? And those helped, for a bit. And then the Order grew and I began taking on students and teaching them and…” He shook his head ruefully. “But they were all mortal and mortal lives are so fleeting. One blink and they’re gone. And suddenly you’re realising that the person before you is the grand-child of the student you were teaching what felt like _yesterday_. After a while, taking on students began doing more harm that good, and so I stopped doing that as well.”

“Until Gwyn?”

Merlin gave a weak chuckle. “Not quite. There was another one, before her. I made a promise, however, and I had to keep it. So when Gwyneth was born, I… I went to her family and I stayed in her orbit and when she was old enough, yes, I began teaching her. Bright, so bright she is…. Just like Gwen. And just as kind.”

“Speaking of…”

A cheerful knock on the door interrupted them, and the way Merlin down near _tore_ his hand away from Arthur’s made the King blink.

“Enter,” he called with a confused frown. Merlin was resolutely burning a hole in the table with his eyes.

“Morning, boys. Am I gonna catch fire upon stepping through?” Gwyneth’s amused tone made Arthur chuckle. Merlin’s face, on the other hand, crumbled.

“Gwyneth, I…”

Before he could utter one more word, however, he had a finger pressed to his lips and was blinking owlishly at the beyond brave woman that now stood before him.

“No. We are not doing this whole apologies shtick again, okay, Teacher? Wasn’t your fault, I don’t blame you, I _will_ try not to do anything to… get into that situation again, _and_ if you wanna make it up to me, I would absolutely nuke some of your apple pancakes, okay?”

Arthur watched Merlin’s eyes crinkle at the corners when he grinned and nodded and felt his heart easing, at least a little. Gwyn staying was the right thing to do, and that right there just reassured him.

“Splendid, I’m starving, also, Daisy, how dare you enter our bedroom _without_ my coffee? Honestly, woman, that’s just… well… Rude!” The King huffed all flare and pomp and was not disappointed by the dual eye-rolls he received in response.

“Once a Prat, always a Prat, ey, _sire_?” Merlin shook his head, standing, and waved his hand in a mock bow. “Up you get then, into the kitchen the both of you. You, make your damn coal water, and you, my lady, you can help me with making actual food, yes? Splendid. Also, _someone_ needs to explain this whole ‘Daisy’ thing to me, yes? Good.” And without waiting for any sort of a response from either one of them, he turned on a heel and led the way. Arthur winked at Gwyn and followed, loudly declaring that why yes, food, and the hells do you mean, coal water, _Mer_ lin.

Gwyneth let out a quiet sigh – so far so good. Here was to hoping the eggshell-like peace would continue…

“How’s the grass water, then?” Arthur tossed out in between gobbles of the pancakes, which, _again_ tasted absolutely delicious and what the hells, really, Merlin had learned how to cook. Who would have thunk…?

“Lovely, thank you” came a snorted answer and Arthur’s lips twitched upwards.

“You two… are simply ridiculous, you know that?” Gwyneth asked licking her fork clean of syrup. Two identically incredulous looks met her statement and she could feel a giggle coming up.

“We are no such thing! Well, at least one of us isn’t, isn’t that right, _Mer_ lin?”

Merlin rolled his eyes in response and stood to refill his cup with more tea. If he topped Arthur’s coffee cup off without being asked, well, that was just... What it was. “Speaking of ridiculous. I’ve been meaning to ask.” The tone of his voice made both Arthur and Gwyneth focus instantly.

“Yeah? What about, Teacher?” She was worrying her lower lip in between her teeth nervously, and Arthur’s knuckles whitened around his cup.

“The Council.” Merlin’s eyes were resolutely on his tea. “I… I know, um, I _remember_ that there were members left alive at the moment of my, um, passing out. So, how did…”

“We get from there to here?” Arthur finished for him when it was obvious his sorcerer was struggling for words, which, again, new. The Merlin he knew was never at a loss of what to say. In fact, it was a miracle he _ever_ shut up at all. At Merlin’s nod, he tossed an amused glance Gwyneth, and at _her_ nod, shrugged before answering. “Nothing to it, actually. You collapsed, they tried to kill you, I stopped them, grabbed you and off we went. Easy as pie.”

Merlin’s jaw dropped and Gwyneth guffawed.

“Easy. _Easy_???”

“I take it there was a bit more to it than that?” Merlin asked in morbid curiosity.

Gwyneth tossed Arthur a _look_. “You could say that…”

“Or you could not,” Arthur hissed tossing her a _look_ right back. His gaze then returned to Merlin. “Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal and I would much prefer if we did not bother with said topic anymore.” His tone let the other two know exactly how well any reopening of that conversation would go.

 _If you want him, you’ll have to go through me. Oh and Excalibur. Like your chances? Try then._ Merlin blinked, an echo of Arthur’s cutting words ringing in his ears. From the look Arthur was sending his way, Merlin assumed something of that echo had shown on his face.

“You threatened them,” he gasped out, and Arthur scrunched his nose up.

“Nothing of the sort. I simply had them reevaluate the situation like rational human beings.” The King huffed, crossing his arms in a defensive posture.

Merlin couldn’t help the besotted smile that rose to his lips. Thankfully for him, Arthur was too embarrassed, while pretending to be less than caring, to notice.

Gwyneth rolled her eyes. _Men_ was all the young druid had to think on the matter.

~x~

“Say, you were the one that created those Orb thingies, yes?”

“He asked, apropos of absolutely nothing,” Merlin commented peacefully, making Gwyneth snort and then consequently sneeze from where she was elbows deep in a bed of flowers she was weeding.

Arthur rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee. It was a lovely day, and the three of them had decided to enjoy the sun and the clean outside air. For the two men, that meant relaxing out on the armchair on the porch (which hadn’t been there before Arthur had mentioned he’d like to enjoy the breeze like ‘a civilized person, _Mer_ lin, is that too much to ask?’), and Gwyneth, well, the druid did love her flowers.

“Beautiful deflection, Teacher,” she teased and Merlin chuckled, while Arthur frowned.

“ _Mer_ lin…”

One look at the, now pouting, King and Merlin rolled his eyes with a huff. “Oh bloody well fine. Yes, yes I created the blasted things, what about them?”

“How many are there?”

“Urm… I’m… erm… not sure…?” Merlin said sheepishly and Arthur gaped.

“What.”

“Well, it has been a while since I’ve checked on them and um… okay, you know what, hold on a sec.”

Arthur watched his sorcerer go all blank faced, and then his eyes glowed gold and Arthur couldn’t hold the sharp inhale back, his gaze glued to the magic manifesting right before him. A second or a year later, Arthur really couldn’t tell, or care, to be honest, a scroll appeared in Merlin’s hands.

“Ah, there we go,” the sorcerer muttered and opened the parchment up, scrunching his nose at how old and brittle it was. “Really _has_ been a while ey… So, this here’s the list of all the different… urm… things I got those Orbs on. So, here we have the Five Major Disciplines and urm… they’re subclasses I guess… and—“

Arthur rolled his eyes and made grabby hands at the parchment. “Give it here. You suck at explaining things as usual.”

Merlin handed the list over and crossed his arms with a glare. He then watched, with no little amount of satisfaction, how reactions flashed over his King’s face at what he saw – disbelief, surprise, amazement, finally, awe.

“You… you’ve been thorough, huh… there’s what… forty-eight of them here…?” Arthur muttered subdued and Merlin preened.

“Only the best, for the High King of Albion, _sire_.” There was teasing in his voice, but the smile softened it up and Arthur couldn’t find it in himself to reprimand his sorcerer. “So, what would you like to start with? Humanities? Formal, natural, or social Sciences? Or are you diving head first into the working man’s world and wanna learn all about what you can be when you grow up?”

Arthur, strangely enough, didn’t take the bait. “History of Anchors, if you would, Merlin. And after that, let’s just go one by one down the list, yes?”

Merlin froze for a solid moment and then gave Arthur a _look_ that the King couldn’t even begin to decipher.

“Right then…” His eyes blazed gold again, and Merlin just _reached_ into… well, nothing. And then there was an Orb sitting on his open palm. Before Arthur could so much as blink in response, however, a shrill alarm bleared over the garden, making Gwyneth jump halfway to the sky in fright and Merlin go ‘huh’.

“Um… what…”

“TEACHER!” Gwyneth positively shrieked, bolting over to them, her face trying to make up its mind about going paler than snow or more vivid than an overgrown tomato. All in all it was quite a sight.

“What?” Merlin blinked at her, cool as you please, and the druid groaned before scowling at him and placing her hands on her hips in the best intimidation move she managed. Arthur had to admit, he was mildly impressed.

“You cannot bloody steal the Orbs all willy-nilly!”

“I didn’t steal it, little druid, it’s _mine_ , if you’d be kind enough to recall.” Merlin scoffed, rolling his eyes and simply refusing to apologize for the apparent mess he’d just caused.

“Oh by the goddess… I swear I oughta…” Gwyneth huffed, whipping her phone out of her pocket and speed-dialing. “Ah, yes, hello, I need to speak to the High Acolyte of the… yes. Yes. Quite correct. No, no, there’s no need for a world-wide search. No, there was no theft. Yes, the Teacher um… took it. No no, it’s only for a short while. I…” She glanced at Merlin, who mouthed at her and she let out a tiny breath of relief, “He has decided that the Orbs need to be inspected. Yes, personally. Yes, obviously. No no, there’s no need for an official escort. Yes, I will inform you with every exchange. Yes. Yes. Yes. … … y e s. Okay. Thank you. Goodb—“ She blinked at her phone. “The bugger hung up on me.”

Merlin snorted.

“You’re welcome, by the way. I fixed the mess you’ve just… never mind. Anyway.” She turned to Arthur then. “Please, let me know every time you ask for another one, yea? I—“

“Yes, I heard. You’re in charge of the Babysitting of the Orbs while they’re with me.” Arthur smirked, and Gwyneth rolled her eyes. “Speaking of...why’d you lie? Why didn’t you just tell them he grabbed it for me?”

“Please. Do you _want_ a mass-hysteria because of the knowledge that the King of Albion has returned? People would freak, think it’s the end of days.” 

Merlin scoffed. “They wouldn’t be too wrong.”

The other two heartily ignored him.

“Right. Ergo, inspection. And you’re responsible.” Arthur grinned and Gwyneth made a face at him.

“Exactly. So, no breaking of them and no.juggling.”

Arthur guffawed at that. “Oh, you’ve reminded me of simply the _best_ banquet. Do you remember, Merlin?”

“Oh no. No you don’t.” The sorcerer leaped to his feet, pulling his King after him. “That is _not_ a story you’re going to be telling. Off you pop, stuff to learn, time’s a wastin’. Bye for now, Gwyn, we’ll see you for supper, do think of what you’d like and let me know, okay yes, off we go!” With that, he dragged the laughing King inside, leaving Gwyneth standing on the porch alone, knees still muddy and phone hanging limply in her hand.

“Stuff to learn indeed,” the young druid muttered and readily decided she’d been procrastinating enough – if the King was learning, so should she. Flowers can wait; her Teachers grimoires, however, should not. With determination renewed and a few hours to kill until supper, Gwyneth ran for a quick shower and then floored her car back home. She had books to haul; after all, one can never be too prepared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, i just wanna say the biggest THANK YOU, to the wonderful Pelydryn, who's been beta'ing this work for me. thank you from the bottom of my soul, you incredible being, you're making my dream come true here.  
> all the love, darling <33333333


	5. Open Eyes Wide Shut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another one o.o
> 
> another gigantic thank you to Pelydryn for her beyond amazing beta skills! this wouldn't be here without you, dear, all the hugs!<333

By the time supper time rolled around, Gwyneth had to make five calls to the High Acolyte in charge of the Orbs. Arthur was an absolute sponge for knowledge, which made Merlin in turns either absurdly proud or beyond tickled by all the questions his King was firing off almost as soon as he was done with each of the new Orbs.

“How come there’s no extensive research done on the mental states of those Anchored, _Mer_ lin? And what about the length of the meeting-to-bonding time?”

“Why would people _still_ fight over their religious beliefs, have they learnt _nothing_ from their own damn history, well, _Mer_ lin?”

“It costs _how bloody much_ to study things now?”

“What do you mean basic healthcare and basic survival needs are not granted out to everyone free of charge?”

“People’s skin color… is an actual issue. Are you… are you kidding me?”

And on and on it went. Suppertime came and went, Arthur not letting up for a minute, following after Merlin as his sorcerer puttered around the kitchen whipping up their sustenance. The only time he stopped with the questions was when he was playing with Merlin’s coffee maker – the action requiring his whole concentration, as ‘It’s an art form, the perfect cup, not like you’d understand, _Mer_ lin’.

Merlin would only shake his head with fond exasperation and hum a quiet ‘yes, _sire_ , of course, _sire_ , right you are, _sire_ ’.

When Gwyneth slammed through the door, looking all bedraggled, her arms full of books, the two men were in the middle of a heated debate about agriculture of all things.

“…but that’s exactly what I’m saying, _Mer_ lin. If they’d only—“

“You’re not hearing me, _sire_ , oh, hullo there, little druid, there’s no way—“

“You’re the one that’s not hearing me, ah, Daisy, you’re back, welcome; what’s more, they… Hold on, what’s with the boxes?” Arthur jumped topics mid-sentence and Merlin, a little woozy from the whiplash of his King’s chaotic thought process, followed his gaze to where Gwyneth was staggering inside again, a huge box precariously in her arms.

With a quick wave of his hand, Merlin sent the box to the table in the sitting room and offered a wheezing Gwyneth a cup of cold tea.

“T-thank you, Teacher,” the young druid gasped and downed the tea. “Good goddess, but that smells absolutely delicious! Pleeeease tell me I get to eat whatever that is?”

With a chuckle, Merlin went back to the stove and, after a quick stir, nodded back to her. “You do. I give it, say, ten more minutes and we can dig in.”

“Gwyyyyn, what’s with the box?” Arthur whined, and Gwyneth blinked at him.

“Pay him no mind. I think his mind is… high, on all the information it’s consumed today,” Merlin told her, rolling his eyes at his scowling King, and then poked Arthur in his side with the clean end of his spatula. “Set the table, Majesty?”

With a very unflattering grumble, Arthur went to the cabinet to grab the plates.“I’m still waiting on the explanation for that box, Miss Daisy.”

Merlin shrugged, amused smile tugging at his lips, and Gwyneth finally came to from her mild shock at how… domestic, the two men were.

“Right, well… Since I’m… um… going to be lodging here, temporarily, I decided to bring over the books I’ve been studying. To, you know, continue with my studies.”

“Books?” Merlin gave her an inquiring look.

“Ah, the ones Merlin had left at yours?” Arthur placed three plates on the table and then went scouring for utensils.

“I… left? When was this?”

His sorcerer was looking so adorably confused Arthur felt something flutter in his stomach. He put in a valiant effort in believing that it was just hunger. For food. He was hungry for food. Only food. Arthur contemplated stabbing himself with a fork he had found for a solid second before forcing himself to refocus yet again.

“You dropped by after the night at the Lake.” He looked straight into his sorcerer’s eyes, willing him to remember what they had said about that night.

“I… Right… But why… oh, little druid, why would you drive all the way back for them?”

“What do you mean why? I want to continue my studies! And well… I was hoping, maybe… if you felt up to it, you could… maybe… teach me again sometime,” Gwyneth mumbled under her breath, wringing her hands together, and Arthur bit down a grin – she was so much like their Gwen, _so_ much. It still hurt a little, sometimes.

“That’s not what I meant, sweet girl,” Merlin sighed and shook his head with a slight frown. “Why didn’t you just say you wanted them? I could’ve saved you the trip.”

“Oh.” Gwyneth blinked owlishly. “I… I didn’t even think about that.”

Arthur guffawed, and Merlin poked him in his side again.

“Anyway, I should probably bring it to the room. I mean, I’ll be staying here a while, right? So…”

“Actually. Daisy, about that…”

Gwyneth, who had stood up and was half-way into the hallway already, turned back.

“Hm?”

“Why don’t you just… move in? There’s all this space here and we’ve quite a lot of work to do, so it’d be more convenient if you stayed close by. Not to mention, it’d be easier for Merlin here to give you lessons. What do you say?” Arthur gave her his winning smile, and the druid blinked.

Merlin, meanwhile, scoffed. “You do realize this isn’t, technically, _your_ castle, right, _sire_?”

Arthur rolled his eyes, crossed his arms and pretended he wasn’t pouting. A moment was all it took for Merlin’s lips to twitch, however, and there was no way Arthur didn’t notice.

“Why you little--! It’s not like you mind, you idiot.” He turned back to Gwyneth and nodded confidently. “Take the West Wing. There are plenty of rooms there; choose whichever pleases you most. We can make Merlin get all the stuff you need after supper.”

The young woman gaped.

“I… but… I mean…”

“No.”

Gwyneth’s mouth snapped shut and Arthur’s eyebrow rose in question.

“East Wing has more sunlight. And there’s a terrace garden on the ground floor,” Merlin said, and tried not to swoon at the dual beaming smiles that were directed his way.

~x~

It took a bit of heated whispering between Arthur and Gwyneth while Merlin was busy flitting one pot to the next for the young druid to calm down enough to listen to the King.

“What if it happens while we’re there though?” Gwyneth hissed, wringing her hands worriedly. “What if Darkness comes and we’re out there and you’re _here_? What will I do?”

Arthur had to admit, her worrying wasn’t without merit, but, on the other hand, they had to start somewhere. “I don’t think it should be an issue. He’s been so much better after that night? And I only caught him talking to the cactus once! I think he’s improving. And, Daisy, we have to at least try, no?”

Gwyneth bit her lip, thought for a moment and then nodded tensely. “You’re right. And, I guess… I could always just… Teleport right back here screeching my head off for you to fix things if worst came to worst.”

Arthur chuckled. “Atta girl.”

~x~

And that was how, true to Arthur’s word, right after supper, with no more than a subtle prod from his King and a huff of his own, Merlin cracked his knuckles, winked at said King, wrapped an arm around Gwyneth’s waist and… promptly winked straight out of existence before Arthur’s very eyes, Gwyneth’s indignant squeaking echoing in his ears. After giving himself a solid minute of mindless panicking, Arthur washed the dishes from their supper (which had been delicious again and how was that fair, truly?), and, after making himself a cup of evening -- ‘It’s _weaker_ , _Mer_ lin, ergo the _evening_ in the name?’ -- coffee, sat himself down in the terrace of what was meant to be Gwyneth’s new rooms to wait for their return.

A couple of hours later, Arthur was woken from his not-so-peaceful dozing by a loud thump. Jumping to his feet and blinking away the blood-red behind his eyelids, he was ready to do some major ass-kicking; however, his violent plots were quickly dissolved by the bickering of familiar voices.

“… too damn many, I assure you.”

“There’s no such thing as too many, little druid, _I_ assure _you_. Honestly, I had thought I did a better job raising you a proper lady. Where’d all the lessons go, hmmm…?”

“Merlin? Gwyn?” Arthur stuck his head inside the rooms and felt his jaw drop. Where the rooms were clear before, only carrying furniture, they now looked like a violent explosion of _things_ had occurred. There were things _everywhere_ , covering the bed, the floor, and the desk and … Arthur blinked. “Did you… just up and teleport her whole home here, _Mer_ lin?”

“Nah. Only the essentials.” His sorcerer smirked, and Gwyn scoffed.

“Only, he says. Only! It’ll take me hours to sort this mess out!”

“We’ll just get out of your hair then,” Arthur tossed, speed walking to Merlin, grabbing his arm and promptly pulling him outside. “I’ve more Orbs to go through, and I’m afraid I need Merlin for that, ta, Daisy!”

“Hey -- !” Gwyneth’s indignant sputtering was overpowered by the laughter of two men that sprinted down the corridor.

~x~

“Thanks for the save there, _sire_.” Merlin grinned from where he was sprawled on the soft and fuzzy rug before the fireplace in their chambers.

Arthur chuckled. “Yeah well, had I left you there I wouldn’t see you till morning, and I really do want to go through at least one more Orb tonight.”

That had Merlin laughing and shaking his head. “You do realize you need Gwyn to make a call for that?”

“Oh.” Arthur gaped. “I… I honestly didn’t think about that.”

Merlin’s laughter grew louder until there were tears in his eyes.

“I… I am _not_ braving her rooms again tonight. If you’re that desperate for another Orb, _you_ go ask her yourself.” At Arthur’s scowl, Merlin burst into giggles again. “Yeah, didn’t think so.”

“Ugh, fine. In that case… what do you propose we do for the rest of the evening.”

The gleam in Merlin’s eyes made Arthur swallow.

“Well, then, _sire_ , I might have an idea or two…”

~x~

It was dark. Dark and cold and dreary. He looked around. He saw nothing. There was something in the Darkness with him though. He could feel it. Slithering against his skin. Searching for a way in. _You can’t avoid me forever. You can’t resist me forever. I’m almost there already._

Merlin woke up drenched in sweat, panting like he had just finished a marathon run. With a shaking hand, he felt beside him, heaving a breath of relief when his fingers found sleep-heated skin. With a little grumble, his King turned, tossing an arm around his waist and snuggling into his side. Merlin forced himself into slowing down his breathing and relaxing his tense muscles. He was fine. He was still fine. Question was, for how long…

~x~

Morning found Gwyneth raising her eyebrows at the large dark circles under the eyes of the two men that stumbled into the kitchen.

“Rough night, lads?”

Merlin just grunted something unintelligible as he made a beeline to the teapot; and Arthur wasn’t any better, making grabby hands at the coffee cup Gwyneth had kept under a warming charm for him. Taking the steaming cup, Arthur tossed her a bleary-eyed nod of gratitude and took a deep swallow.

“Merlin introduced me to poker,” he breathed after successfully consuming most of the beverage.

Gwyneth snorted. “Oh my.”

“Indeed.”

“So, who won?”

A duet of grunts was the only answer she managed to pry out of the two dead-on-their-feet men, however. Shrugging, Gwyneth decided to give them a moment with their respective drinks to rejoin the land of the living before continuing with her interrogation.

~x~

During the next couple of days, Gwyneth came to a few realizations. One, she had missed her Teacher and his lessons dearly –- it was truly a treat to be able to have that in her life again.

Two, after that first incident of the Darkness coming out, there had been no reappearances. At first, she thought it was because she had kept her hands strictly to herself; however, just yesterday, she had managed to finally perfect a charm she’d been struggling with and Arthur had enveloped her in a celebratory hug right in front of her Teacher. There was a second there where she thought she was about to go splash, but all her Teacher did was beam and congratulate her. Gwyneth was confused. Was them touching no longer a trigger?

Gwyneth tested her theory out by giving into the urge to smack Arthur on the arm when his pestering about yet another Orb got annoying.

“Go annoy Teacher, why don’t you, I’m _trying_ to study here.”

“But, Daisy…” Arthur had pouted, and Gwyneth had held her breath – Merlin was sitting right there, curled up on an armchair, watching them. She pushed his shoulder and pointed, for good measure.

“Go.”

With a pout, he went. Nothing else happened. Well, apart from Merlin rolling his eyes exaggeratedly and then spending the following hour answering the barrage of Arthur’s questions patiently.

Huh. Intriguing. Gwyneth had come to the conclusion that more testing was in order, determination filling her – maybe, just maybe, there was hope yet.

~x~

Having finished all Social, Natural and Formal Sciences, Arthur had moved on to the Humanities portion of his Orb study, and, so far, he was not amused. The thought that he had abandoned the search for how to help his sorcerer ate away at him. He had decided that, in order to be able to help effectively, he had to accumulate more knowledge, but what he was learning was… disturbing, to say the least. So, not only was he feeling less than knowledgeable, less than useless, completely unable to help his friend, he was also forced to deal with what being so close to his sorcerer constantly, was making him feel about said sorcerer. And what was the Once and Future King supposed to do with all of these… things (read, feelings) that were assaulting him? Well, it wasn’t like he could just… _deal_ with them, was it? What does he do, then? The only thing he knows, which is, of course, compartmentalise and go on the offense.

Merlin had been just going back to Gwyneth’s rooms, having grabbed a few more books from his library for her to study, when the whole corridor seemed to shake from the mighty bellow of his King.

“MERLIN!”

The sorcerer blinked and stopped, waiting until the stomping got louder and louder, and then there was an enraged Arthur, careening around the corner.

“What’s up?” he asked, mildly impressed that there wasn’t actual smoke coming out of Arthur’s nose.

“What’s up? What’s up, he says. Well, _Mer_ lin, why don’t you tell _me_?!”

Merlin, having absolutely zero idea what had managed to agitate his King to quite these levels, blinked again. “I’m afraid, you’ll have to be a bit more specific, sire.”

Arthur scowled, crossed his arms, and finally, Merlin noticed a gleaming Orb, clutched in his King’s hand. “Ah. Which one would that be?” he asked, and Arthur’s scowl deepened.

“ _Art_.”

The way he spat the word out, Merlin was beginning to catch on. He bit the inside of his cheek in order to keep from smiling.

“Oh? Is there something wrong, then?”

“Is there something right, would be a better bloody question,” Arthur mumbled, and Merlin’s lips twitched. “This so-called _art_ of yours… It’s… it’s ghastly, Merlin! It’s just all so… obscene!”

This time, Merlin didn’t bother with repression; he grinned outright. “Aw, did humankind’s progressive thinking and expressing of their inner thoughts and desires offend Sire’s prudent sensibilities?”

Arthur was pouting, downright pouting; Merlin had no idea how he was supposed to handle that.

“There’s just…” Arthur cleared his throat. “There’s just so much skin! It’s… unseemly. It’s… filthy.”

Merlin was done. He couldn’t help it – he cackled, which, in turn, made Arthur’s pout only grow in size.

“Oh, oh my _Lord,_ **no**. No, I’m most certain there is not one piece in _that_ Orb that’s ‘filthy.’.” Arthur scowled at Merlin’s air quotes. “All that you’ve got there? That’s art. However… if you _were_ so inclined… I _could_ , in fact, show you filthy.” A breath later, an Orb appeared in his palm, which he rolled over his knuckles with sharp precision, his voice taking on a purr-like quality which was doing _things_ to Arthur. Things that he was not willing to examine. Yet. “Now this, _sire_ , this is filthy.”

Arthur’s eyes followed the Orb that rolled smoothly back and forth over his sorcerer’s knuckles and felt the need to clear his throat again. His curiosity was piqued, he had to admit. He reached his hand to the Orb, only to have Merlin pull it away.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t activate it anywhere… public.”

Arthur’s eyebrow rose, and the smirk that stretched over his sorcerer’s lips should have been illegal. Arthur had half a mind to go draft a law right then and there. Oblivious to the tortured thoughts of his King, Merlin continued, that devastating smirk still firmly in place.

“I’d wait until I was certain I was alone… somewhere more private… like, say, a bed?”

The blush came on so fast and so violently, Arthur had no chance to even hope to prevent it. Merlin, however, wasn’t done. After plopping the Orb into Arthur’s still outstretched hand, the cheeky bugger had the gall to wink -- _wink --_ at his King.

“Let’s swap favorites, after you’re done, hmm…?” And with that, having effectively killed his King, Merlin turned on a heel and went on his merry way, to get Gwyneth her books.

~x~

“…later symptoms include uncontrollable bouts of schizophrenia and rage, followed by utter dissociation and loss of personality. Once the black-outs begin in increasing frequency, the dominant personality usually dissolves at an increasing rate until all morality and ability to feel is gone. All that’s left, in the last stage of the Darkness, is, what researchers have come to refer to as ‘Void’ -- the utter and complete lack of the person that used to exist, a being existing solely to satisfy its base urges – most commonly involving mass-murder, chaos and destruction. 

“After the last stage is reached, any hope of pulling the once-dominant personality is gone. The only solution, for the sake of others and in respect to the once there sorcerer – is death.” 

Gwyneth shut the article she was reading and closed her eyes with a sigh. There were tears gathering behind her closed lids, but she steeled herself and did not let them fall. From all the articles and research papers she’d read, most of them had said mostly the same thing – once the last stage of the Darkness is reached, the only option left is death of the sorcerer. Well, her Teacher might be sick, but he’s not at Void yet. He was still himself. They had time. Of that, she was certain. They could still fix this. Question was, how.

From what she’d managed to find out, bonding with one’s Anchor was a sure way to stop the Darkness from advancing. Which, now that she was thinking about it, explained why there were only fifteen recorded cases of people going full Void. If the person’s Anchor wasn’t born in their lifetime or if they died before the bonding, Void seemed imminent. However, there were other cases where a person even in an advanced stage of the Darkness, managed to pull through, having found their Anchor and bonding them before it was too late. This gave Gwyneth hope – after all, her Teacher’s Anchor was here now. All they had to do, was… the Ritual. Her eyes snapped open, and then she was worrying her lip between her teeth – the Ritual was… well… not that easy to perform, not to mention, what if, heavens forbid, what if it didn’t work? 

Gwyneth jumped and began to pace her rooms. No, there could be no negativity here. There was simply no room for doubt. The Ritual _would_ work, it _would_ save her Teacher and then everything would be well again. She nodded to herself before going to get ready for bed. Determination restored, the young druid knew everything would work out. They had her, they had the Once and Future King, they had _time_. Maybe not too much of it, but enough. With that belief, Gwyneth went to bed, a small smile on her lips.

~x~

He blinked awake and wasn’t quite sure why at first. A quick glance over his shoulder let him know it was still nighttime – blackness drowned out everything outside the window. Arthur frowned, rubbed the last remnants of sleep from his eyes, and reached to the other side of the bed. The bed was cold. With a huff, he got up and wandered over to the table on the other side of the room, yawning all the way.

“What are you doing, _Mer_ lin?”

His sorcerer was leaning over the table, his fountain pen (“No, the ink’s _inside_ , here let me show you again, no wait, don’t pull -– _oh sire_ … look at all the mess now…”) sliding gracefully over the paper.

Arthur sauntered over and placed his hands on Merlin’s shoulders. Before he could lean and look over, however, Merlin turned in his grasp, conveniently shielding the papers on the desk with his body.

“Just finishing up a grocery list for tomorrow. We’re running out of supplies. I was planning on sending Gwyneth out while we’re looking over a few more scrolls. I promised you to look into the Darkness some more, remember?” He smiled, but it looked strained.

“Come to bed, it’s late.” Arthur squeezed his shoulder gently and bit the bitterness back. It was obvious Merlin was lying to him, something he had sworn to never do again, but… He also looked terrible. Huge dark circles under his eyes that never seemed to go away anymore, even more prominent in the soft glow of the candles he had on the table (“No, I never did get all that fond of electricity, the light is all dead and… candles are simply better, okay?”); his skin, looking so pale it was almost translucent; and Arthur could swear he was getting thinner by the day. And it was late. Getting into a row, now, would be less than counter-productive.

“In a second; I just want to finish, don’t want to forget anything. Go back to sleep, Arthur. I’ll join you in just a moment.”

With another squeeze to the shoulder and a soft sigh, Arthur went. Merlin watched him until he was under the covers and not fidgeting anymore. Another blink later, soft snores reached his ears and the sorcerer turned back to his papers. Well, his last will and testament, more like. His eyes scanned the written words over quickly before adding a few last sentences. Making sure the ink had dried, he put the papers into an envelope, sealed it and then wrote Gwyneth’s name on top with a flourish. Then he cast a spell on it – it would deliver the envelope, and the instructions within to her, once the time was right.

“I’m sorry, little druid. But someone will have to be there, for him, taking care of him, once I’m gone…” he muttered under his breath. He waved a hand, sending the envelope to a drawer, and then stood, stretched and blew the candles out. The bed, _his King’s_ bed, was calling. Merlin went to sleep.

~x~

He was running his hands through spun golden silk. There were two blue oceans staring at him, all calm and peaceful. There was laughter like melted chocolate filling his ears. Merlin reached, and a strong hand clutched at his, lips brushed over his and he was soaring… and then he was bolting up in bed, wide-awake and alert.

~x~

Blood. Blood everywhere. There was blood running down his face and body and it _hurt_ , it hurt so bad. There was that crazed laughter again, and that despicable voice, pouring heated hate in his ears, and then there were the screams. Someone was screaming, and it was so loud. So loud it was making his ears bleed. He wanted to get away. To run away and to hide and--

“…thur! Arthur! Wake up, sire, it’s not real, whatever it is you’re seeing, it’s not real. Come now, come back to me.”

He forced himself to follow the voice that was calling him through the blood. It had never led him out of the bloody mist yet, no matter how many times it had called and he had followed. There was never an end to the screams and the massacre. Never an end to the bloodshed. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but follow that voice. Couldn’t help but hope that _this_ time… this time would be it. Arthur opened his eyes.

~x~

There was deathly silence smothering their rooms. Arthur couldn’t turn his head to look over at Merlin. Shame, hot and quick, washed over him, and the King took a shuddering breath.

“You were screaming,” Merlin whispered when it was clear Arthur wasn’t going to go first.

“Nightmare.”

Merlin had the gall to snort, still leaning on his elbow, worried eyes never leaving his King’s face. “No shit, Sherlock.”

Arthur blinked. A lazy grin spread over his face. “I recognize that reference.”

“Arthur.” Merlin was obviously in no mood to humor his new literary knowledge.

“It’s nothing, _Mer_ lin. Just a nightmare. Go back to sleep.” He could feel his sorcerer’s eyes boring holes in the side of his face. He kept his resolutely on the tapestry over their heads.

Neither man had anymore sleep that night.

~x~

“I heard you last night,” Gwyneth said the next morning, over toast. It seemed that elaborate breakfast would not be coming, what with Arthur looking all ashen-faced and Merlin very much trying to rock ‘I’m-dead-ask-me-how-long’ look.

“What’d you hear, little druid?” Merlin asked, breathing in the soothing aroma of his special-blend-herbal tea.

She bit her lip, eyes dancing between the two men quickly, before she turned towards Arthur, resolutely.

“I heard you scream.” She watched Arthur visibly force down a flinch and sighed. “Was it the nightmares again?”

At the scathing look that got her, Gwyneth blinked. A moment later, she got an explanation.

“ _Again_.” Gwyneth didn’t dare to look at her Teacher, focusing on the tablecloth and cursing her big mouth in her head.

“Yes, Gwyneth. It was.” Arthur didn’t deem Merlin’s remark worthy of response.

“Oh I see… So, you tell her all about your _reoccurring_ nightmares, but I’m not worth the bother, is that it?” 

Gwyneth felt a sudden desire for the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

Arthur scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest while rolling his eyes. In no way, shape or form did the gesture look defensive. Nope. Not at all. “I did no such thing. Don’t be such a girl’s petticoat, _Mer_ lin.”

Merlin’s glare could have easily frozen a lesser man.

“I see. Well then.” He turned to Gwyneth, who was still resolutely staring at the tablecloth. “Little druid, I do believe it’s time for our lessons. Come along.”

“ _Mer_ lin.”

Gwyneth sent an apologetic look over her shoulder at Arthur, before scrambling up, grabbing her cup, and following after her Teacher; who was strolling rather fast.

“MERLIN!”

“Ignore his royal pratness,” Merlin huffed and quickened his pace.

Gwyneth dared a giggle. “You’re pouting, Teacher.”

“I am doing no such thing. Insolent child.” Merlin huffed and steadfastly ignored Gwyneth’s little glances of amusement throughout their lesson.

~x~

It took to the end of the day, of Merlin ignoring Arthur completely, for the King to fold. Arthur would have found that embarrassing, once upon a time. Now, however, he just wanted… Well, he _wanted_. And the fact that Merlin was swaying on his feet where he stood beside Gwyneth only solidified his resolve to fix things.

“You’ve made quite the leap of progress today, Gwyn, you should be proud.”

Gwyneth beamed, but her joy was quickly overshadowed by worry, as her Teacher swayed on his feet, and then promptly collapsed.

“Teacher!”

“Honestly, _Mer_ lin. Did you forget to eat again?” His tone was light, his arm around his sorcerer’s waist strong, but Gwyn could see her worry mirrored in the King’s eyes.

“I’m fine. Just a little dizzy. I’ll be fine with some rest,” Merlin mumbled under his breath, pushed Arthur’s hand away, and stumbled into the direction of their rooms. “Goodnight, little druid.”

“You know, all this extra worrying is doing him no favors,” Gwyneth told Arthur when Merlin was out of earshot, not unkindly.

“Worrying?”

“Please. Even you’re not _that_ dense, Your Majesty.” Before he could go all indignant on her, however, Gwyneth put her hand on his arm, soothing and pleading all at once, “Just talk to him. How bad can it be, really?”

~x~

_How bad can it be, really?_ Her question echoed in his head, while he walked. Arthur sighed. “I guess we’re about to find out…”

He damn near knocked on the door, and then almost broke his eyes he rolled them so hard. _Seriously? Were you about to knock on your own fucking chamber door? For gods’ sake, Pendragon, get a grip._ After having sufficiently berated himself, the Once and Future King went in.

“Merlin? Are you here?” One look around showed Merlin sitting on the windowsill, looking out into the setting sun. Leaving but a breath of space between them, Arthur followed his sorcerer’s gaze outside as he stepped close. “I think…” he took a deep breath, “I think… if you want to hear it… I think I want to tell you about it.”

“Oh?” Came the soft whisper, and Arthur winced internally – even his voice was beginning to sound weak. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all… 

“Arthur?” Evidently sensing his King’s hesitation, Merlin turned his head, still leaning on the window and arched an eyebrow at him.

Arthur gulped. “I… You know what. Never mind.” He turned to walk to the changing screen to put his nightclothes on, but Merlin grabbed his arm, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

“No. You said you’d tell me about it. So let’s hear it. If…” He stood on slightly shaky feet, “…if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll tell you something too, once you’re done.”

“Equivalent exchange?” Arthur asked through a chuckle that sounded strained even to his own ears and heard his sorcerer hum.

“Exactly. You tell me about your nightmares and I… I’ll tell you about the centuries I spent waiting for you.”

They sat on the armchairs, before the fireplace, Arthur bringing them both glasses and a bottle of something deadly to drink while they talked.

After taking a fortifying sip, Arthur nodded to himself, cast a quick glance at his sorcerer and returned his eyes to the flames.

“All right then. Let’s talk.”


	6. Thoughts Unheard and Words Unspoken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, a huge thank you to Pelydryn for her amazing beta skills and beyond helpful insights, you're a marvel and an inspiration, truly <33  
> ~  
> welp, here's another one. sorry for the ugh and the blegh in this one, it had to happen x.x'''' i promise at least /some/ fun in the next chapter? *nervous chuckling*

“It took them a while. To heal me. I… You have to understand. Time goes differently  _ there _ . It’s more… fluid? Yes, I guess that’s one word for it. It also has this annoying habit of bending to their will. So, while it took decades over here, it felt more like days before I was conscious enough to understand the world around me again…”

Merlin watched Arthur watch the fire as he talked.

“It was so confusing at first. I had no idea what was happening. I mean, one moment I was lying on the shore, watching you all snotty, red eyed,  crying like the girl's petticoat you are,  _ Mer _ lin..." Arthur shot him a wry grin, desperately trying to alleviate the mood even as his attempt fell short to his own ears, before taking a breath and continuing, " ... You were holding me, and even through the cold I could  _ feel _ you and... and the next thing I knew… I opened my eyes and there was  _ nothing _ . Or, at least, it had felt like I opened them. But everything was so dark, I couldn’t see a thing. And the cold… oh, Merlin, it was  _ so _ cold…”

His eyes never strayed from the flames. Merlin’s never strayed from his King.

“Then there was nothing again. I’m assuming that was when they were healing me. When I opened my eyes again after that, I was healed. I mean, I’d a scar and everything, but there was no open wound, no blood, no lingering pain, not even an ache.”

He sounded wondrous, for a moment, and Merlin bit his lip. He couldn’t imagine how long that must have taken. Healing like that was impossible for a dragon; it was impossible for  _ him _ and he was Emrys…

“At first… at first I was happy. Hell, I was  _ grateful. _ As soon as I was able to stand, however, well… it didn’t take much time to realize I wasn’t home. For starters, there was no trace of my hovering, overbearingly annoying man-servant anywhere. That clued me in quite quickly that something was… not right.”

Merlin felt his lips twitch at that. His not being there was  _ not right _ and wasn’t that a thought.

“The Sidhe. They… Look, are you  _ sure _ you want me to… Okay, fine, lord, there’s no need for a glare of that magnitude, honestly,  _ Mer _ lin…”

Merlin gentled the look he was giving his King, relieved that there was finally eye contact between them again. But then Arthur took a deep breath, gulped down the contents of his glass and refocused on the fire again.

“Humans are an amusement for them. Like… like pets. Or, no, not quite, pets they actually care about. More like vermin. Use, abuse, throw out. Yes… Anyway. After I was nice and healed, their reigning monarch of the time, Nuin, he… He took an interest in me. It amused him to take on human ‘playmates’ from time to time, from what I gathered, and, well, he did not seem to care too much about passing-human-prophesies-of-puny-kings.”

Merlin fidgeted at that. He knew Nuin. He had  _ known _ him. Nuin had never so much as hinted about Arthur. Even after Merlin spent hours upon hours needling him,  _ begging  _ him for any information about... Lightning crackled under Merlin’s skin at the thought. The quiet words that flowed from his still-talking King made him stow the murderous urges however. For the moment.

“It wasn’t so bad, at first. Honestly, I think I’ve had worse from Morgana and her henchmen… Inflicting physical pain gets rather boring, however, and half a century later, give or take a few decades, Nuin moved on.”

“He… he tortured you,” Merlin gasped, unable to voice it as a question, too afraid to receive the answer.

“Yes. Well. Not so much himself. He preferred to watch. Nuin was very particular about getting stains on his silks, you see. Human blood isn’t easy to wash out, even for the Sidhe.” Arhur gave a humorless chuckle at that and then blinked in surprise as a loud  _ crack _ sounded and a fissure appeared over the fireplace. “I hope you can fix that. I don’t particularly enjoy cracks in our walls,” he hummed, eyes glued to the fracture, until there was a frustrated huff and the crack mended itself until the wall was pristine again.

“Much better, thank you. Anyways. After Nuin got tired of -–“

“Who was it.”

Arthur felt a shiver run down his spine at the tone his sorcerer was using. He kept his eyes firmly on the fire.

“Who was what?”

“Who was it that tortured you.”

Arthur snorted, shook his head and refilled his glass.

“What does it matter,  _ Mer _ lin. It’s long in the past and -–“

“It matters to  _ me _ .”

Arthur was getting tired of being interrupted. With a roll of his eyes, he took another sip of his drink. “What do you want, names?” He was not expecting the viciousness with which the hissed ‘ _ yes’ _ was delivered. 

“Well, then.” He cleared his throat a few times, before continuing, “There was one of Nuin’s generals, Ngetal. Preferred the whip, that one. There was Nuin’s um… wife? Lover? I’m not too sure. Ailim. She loved morningstars. Loved experimenting, seeing how many hits are needed to break specific bones and…“ 

He trailed off, and reached over. They were sitting close enough for him to reach, his body so in-tune with his sorcerer’s he had no need to look over to know exactly where to reach to put his hand on Merlin’s nape. His sorcerer was trembling and their castle was trembling with him. Arthur pressed harder.

“Merlin, breathe,” he whispered and waited until the tremors subsided. His gaze never left the flames. When he opened his mouth a couple of minutes later, his hand stayed on Merlin’s nape.

“I know I promised you the truth, but I think it’ll be better for y— both of us, if I give you an abridged version, okay?” Arthur felt his sorcerer nod and breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. Well, there were a few others, but, honestly, it wasn’t  _ that _ bad. Curious thing though, did you know that the Sidhe only ever specialize in only  _ one _ thing? I found that just… ludicrous, to be perfectly honest. To have eternity and to never… expand your knowledge, your skills? You would’ve hated it there, that’s for sure.” Arthur forced a chuckle, but the mood was too dark to lift.

“I hated it here well enough,” Merlin whispered, and it took all Arthur had to contain the flinch.

“Why’s that,  _ Mer _ lin? Not enough --“

“You weren’t here. It didn’t matter where I had to be; I’d have hated it anywhere.” Merlin’s chuckle was as humorous as Arthur’s had been. “And I’d know. After all, I’ve been  _ everywhere _ . Except Avalon. No matter how far I traveled, how many realms I visited… no one knew how to break through that blasted barrier without ripping our whole damn existence to shreds. Not that I wouldn’t have still tried, mind you, but…Luckily for the entirety of creation, someone got to me just in time… She… talked me down and… well, I’ve made her a promise and…” A sigh shuddered out of him, and Arthur could feel his eyes boring into the side of his face. “It doesn’t matter. There’ll be time for that later. For now. Continue.”

“Are you -–“

“Stop being a prat and talk.”

And really, what could he say to that. Arthur rolled his eyes, squeezed Merlin’s nape and continued.

“Right then. From the top then. Nuin for example, specialized in Illusion work. I didn’t know that at first, of course. One night, after having an unusually calm day, I went to bed in my ce— um, room, and I woke up to the screams of my subjects. I was back in Camelot. In my old rooms, which, in hindsight, should’ve clued me in, but… anyway. I woke, rushed to the window, saw Camelot under attack. It was… mayhem. My people were being slaughtered, my knights, dead in the streets, in the corridors… civilians, cut down, tortured, women…children… I…” He shook his head ruefully. “That one hit me hard, I admit. Woke up screaming to a court of Sidhes, watching over Nuin’s new little game. And you know what he told me? He said… ‘Aren’t you glad to be here instead? At least here, you don’t have to watch them all getting annihilated in person.’ “

The sound that tore out of Merlin couldn’t be classified. Before Arthur could so much as blink, his sorcerer was on his knees, before him, his hands clutching at Arthur’s knees with desperation.

“Nonononononono, Arthur, no. That’s… that is a  **lie** , a filthy, filthy lie! That never happened, I never would have let that happen, Arthur,  _ never _ . You have to believe me, Camelot never fell! I—“

“Merlin. I  _ know _ ,” Arthur said softly, looking his sorcerer in the eye, for the first time that evening. “I know. I’ve seen all the History, remember?” He watched panic and despair drain out of Merlin slowly. With a huff, he placed his glass down, took Merlin’s wrists in hands and pulled him up. “Come now, you look like a kicked puppy, up you get.” With a gentle hum, he manhandled his sorcerer, who still seemed to be in some sort of a shock, and thus, pliable as can be, and pulled him sideways onto his lap.

“You do  _ not _ kneel,  _ Mer _ lin. Not to me, not to anyone. Not you. Not ever.” Heartily ignoring what he was doing, Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin and felt his sorcerer simply melt into his embrace. “I didn’t know it then, however,” he continued quietly, not really able to stop now that he had finally begun.

“All I knew was what they told me, what they showed me, and it was all…so vivid. I could  _ smell  _ the smoke,  _ see  _ the tears,  _ feel _ the…” He inhaled deeply, his arms tightening around Merlin. “I could feel the life slipping away from them. Sometimes I woke with a blade in my hand, Gwen’s blood running down my arms. Sometimes, I stood over Leon or Gwaine or Percy’s dead bodies. I watched myself kill them all, over and over again. All our friends, our Knights… I…

“I woke to the world I knew in flames, locked away in a tower, watching, from a window, how somewhere down below you were fighting. All alone. I could hear you calling for me, searching, never giving up. I saw you cry and beg and… I saw you die.”

Merlin shuddered, the utter devastation in his King’s voice making his heart ache.

“That was when they knew, I think… After I came out of that one, Nuin had this  _ look _ on him and… well, the next time I closed my eyes I opened them to a torture chamber. I was chained to a wall. They loved their binding spells so much. Made me unable to move. Unable to speak. Able only to watch as they…” He cleared his throat. Took a shaky breath. Merlin closed his eyes, pushed his face into Arthur’s neck, trying to offer comfort, knowing it was pointless but needing to, anyway.

“I watched as they dragged you in. Strapped you down. I watched as they took turns tor—“ He cleared his throat again. “Torturing you. You know, Merlin, up until that point, no matter what they did to me, what they put me through, no matter what they showed me I never… I never  _ begged  _ them to stop.”

Merlin felt him swallow. Felt the arms around his waist begin to shake.

“I’m glad they had taken my ability to speak… because when they began torturing you, I… I think I would’ve begged, Merlin. I would’ve begged for you.”

~x~

When it became clear Arthur wasn’t going to say another word, Merlin waved a bottle out of thin air. It was dusty and old looking. So old, in fact, Arthur was a bit worried it was going to crumble if he so much as touched it.

Merlin didn’t have any such reservations and quickly magicked it open before pouring two glassfuls into clean glasses.

Arthur blinked – he did not notice the glasses appearing, but there they were. He took the one he was offered gratefully and pulled it close with all the intention of swallowing its contents in one gulp. Then a scent wafted up to his nose and he froze.

“Is this… Wait. It can’t be. Can it?” He looked at Merlin with his jaw practically on the floor.

His sorcerer attempted a smirk. His attempt was abysmal, but Arthur had enough grace to pretend he’s succeeded.

“Try it.”

“Oh, holy… it’s  _ just _ like…” Arthur groaned at the first sip, his eyes closing in pleasure. When he opened them again, Merlin was beaming at him, and this time, it didn’t look forced one bit.

“That’s ‘cause it  _ is _ . This is a genuine bottle from your father’s cellars. It’s been under stasis, naturally. Otherwise I can promise you it’d be… rather… um… poisonous, by now.”

Arthur straight up gaped at him.

“My… genuine… I…”

“I’ve been saving it. For a special occasion.” Merlin shrugged, looking rather sheepish. “Granted, I was hoping for something more…joyous, but I figure you deserve a taste of home tonight.”

“Oh,  _ Mer _ lin.” Arthur valiantly ignored the strange and rather inconvenient fluttering that was going on in his stomach and pressed his lips to Merlin’s temple. Tonight was, apparently, the damn-to-propriety night anyway, so what’s one more indiscretion? “Thank you,” he muttered into his sorcerer’s ear, which promptly turned a very lovely shade of overripe tomato.

“And it’s not like I don’t have a few more bottles stored up,  _ and _ I kind of stole the actual recipe and then attempted to make it myself, but that went… not too well, at first at least, but anyway I …”

He continued to babble, and Arthur marveled at his flustered expression and how animated he became when he was trying to hide, and so he sort of tuned out the actual words, listening to his sorcerer’s voice instead, letting the soothing, familiar tones calm down his raw, weary and far-too-open heart.

~x~

They woke some hours later, the bottle half-empty and, thankfully, safely on the table. Arthur groaned and shifted his neck, trying to work out the cramp that seemed to have made home right under his skull. Merlin only muttered something incoherently into his King’s neck, where he was nestled in, gave a soft sigh and fell right back to sleep.

With a sigh of his own, Arthur gave up on his nightly routine, gathered his sorcerer into his arms and carried him to their,  _ dear heavens ‘their’, really, _ bed, trying not to jostle him too much.

If they ended up cuddling all throughout the night,  _ again _ , there was no one to call them up on it anyway, now was there?

~x~

The morning dawned overcast. Nature herself appeared to echo the morose mood of the two men who were doing their best to promptly ignore, if not the conversation, then, at least, their own actions and responses to said conversation of last night.

“You owe me your part, now.” Arthur’s words were quiet, but the way Merlin’s shoulders tensed was proof they were loud enough.

With a quick nod, Merlin turned and headed out of the chambers.

“Not before tea, though.”

“Of course not. I’m not a monster,  _ Mer _ lin.”

“No, you’re just a prat. A royal one.”

The familiar words had the King grinning all the way to the kitchen, where, thankfully, hot beverages awaited them both.

“Ah, coffee, I swear, Daisy, you’re a goddess!”

Gwyneth raised an eyebrow at the exclamation and waved away the air-kisses Arthur sent her way.

“Your tea, Teacher.” She handed a steaming cup to Merlin with a smile which quickly turned to a frown when she took a closer look at him. “Are you… are you okay, Teacher?” she asked quietly, making sure the King was still raving about his coffee behind her.

“I’m fine, little druid. Rest has become a bit… hard to come by lately, is all.” Merlin huffed, taking a sip of his tea and smiling at her in appreciation.

“Ohoho? Someone keeping you up to the early hours of the morning?” she asked, a cheeky grin on her face, but Merlin just rolled his eyes.

“Yeah right. If only,” he muttered into his cup, but at her grin growing, groaned. “Don’t you even think about voicing whatever it is that’s on your mind, you filthy child. Also. No lessons today.”

“What, why? I wouldn’t have said anything anyway!”

Her raised voice finally managed to intrigue Arthur enough to resurface from his coffee cup.

“Said what about what?”

“Nothing! It’s not fair, Teacher, I’m making such progress and –“

Merlin put a hand on her shoulder, sighing internally - he sometimes seemed to forget just how very  _ young _ his little druid protege still was. Right then, however, Arthur made his way around the table to stand behind him, and Merlin lost his track of that thought instantly.

“What’s our flower raging about? What’d my idiot do this time, hmm, Daisy?”

Merlin scowled, Gwyneth gaped, and Arthur smirked, plopping his chin on Merlin’s shoulder, and raising an eyebrow in question.

“Well?”

“I was just telling Gwyneth there’ll be no lessons today.”

That made Arthur frown. “How come?”

“That’s what I asked!”

Merlin took a deep breath, counted to ten in his head…then counted again, in French. Then opened his eyes and shot a glare at Arthur, which wasn’t half as effective as he hoped, considering Arthur was still hanging on his shoulder.

“We need to finish it. I figure the faster I get it over with, the better. Yeah? So, tea and then…”

Arthur’s quickly sobering expression told Gwyneth this was not something she should attempt to stick her nose into, not right then at least.

“Fine. In that case, I’ll be going out today. I have a few people to talk to and today’s as good a day as any. Do you think you’ll have time for any Orbs? Should I make a call before leaving?”

A quick glance of communication and two heads shook at her simultaneously.

“No. Let’s leave that for tomorrow. We’ll try to have dinner ready for you when you return though.” Arthur smiled at her, and Merlin’s eyebrows shot up, incredulous.

“Oh  _ we _ will, will we?” He shook his head in amusement and scoffed, “Honestly, once a prat, always a prat…”

“Merlin?”

“Shut up?”

“You guessed it.”

Gwyneth rolled her eyes and took a sip of her coffee. Honestly, those two.

~x~

After finishing their drinks and sending Gwyn off, the two men decided to go for a walk before getting down to business. And if it was pretty obvious to Arthur that Merlin was procrastinating… Well, it wasn’t like he could really blame him.

Out in the gardens Arthur let Merlin lead, satisfied to just follow and enjoy the sun. Soon enough, however, he noticed something… something familiar. When he finally realized what it was, his jaw dropped open.

“Merlin!” Arthur squawked, grabbing his sorcerer’s arm and twirling him around to face him.

“Wha—“ Merlin, torn out of his peaceful contemplation, blinked at Arthur in confusion.

“Is this… Is this the Unicorn Labyrinth?!” Arthur asked, definitely  _ not _ shouting. “Did you recreate the blasted Unicorn Labyrinth around my castle?!”

It took Merlin a moment to process, and then he burst out laughing. “Unicorn… Labyrinth…” the sorcerer wheezed, tears springing to his eyes, he was laughing so hard. “Only you, Arthur, I swear…”

“This is no laughing matter,  _ Mer _ lin! What on Earth possessed you to recreate that… that… _ place _ ?!” Arthur was not pouting. Kings did not pout. And, crown or not, Arthur was -- still -- very much a King.

Finally managing to get his laughter under control, Merlin gave him an indulgent smile.

“The Labyrinth of  _ Gedref _ , Your Majesty, happens to be one of the still remaining magical sanctuaries. It is a wonderful, peaceful place for those deserving of its hospitality. As for why… I guess… I was nostalgic,” he hummed the last part with a light shrug, and motioned Arthur to follow. “Now come, I’m pretty certain there’s an-– ah, there we go, look, isn’t that just beautiful?”

And it  _ was _ beautiful – the view that opened up before them after the last turn they took. It was a meadow, cupped as if in the palms of a giant, ancient trees surrounding it from three sides, cutting it off from the rest of the world, creating a tiny slice of paradise right before their eyes. A gleam of water caught Arthur’s eye – in the middle of the meadow, there was a pond. A closer look revealed its waters to shine and sparkle and move to the song of the wind. It felt like peace. Arthur closed his eyes and just  _ breathed _ for a moment. He didn’t realize he was smiling, his shoulders finally relaxing… There was something about that place, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but… it certainly was --

“Peaceful, huh? I thought you might like it here…” Arthur felt Merlin bump his shoulder with his own gently and hummed in agreement.

“Picnic.”

“What now?”

“We should have a picnic here, sometime.”

Even with his eyes closed, he could hear the smile in Merlin’s voice, when he agreed softly.

~x~

After their soothing walk, they returned to the castle. (‘I did tell you I knew the way, didn’t get us lost  _ once _ , did I,  _ sire _ ?’) Merlin made them up some light snacks, Arthur brewed himself a pot of coffee (‘Yes yes, I’m making you your grass water too,  _ Mer _ lin’) and then they plopped down in the Light Sitting Room. Merlin ruefully ventured that the location might… ‘soften the tale’, whatever that was supposed to mean.

Good and comfortable, or, as comfortable as they could get, considering, they were ready. And so, with a long and drawn out sigh, Merlin clasped his hands around his mug and began to talk.

~x~

“Is it too early to add some rum to this tea, do you think?” was how Merlin started, a wry smile on his lips.

Arthur just raised an eyebrow at him. Merlin sighed, shrugged.

“Was worth a try. I… I’m not going to tell you the history bits, yeah? You’ve seen that Orb so…” He sighed again, shook his head and took a deep swallow of his tea.

“Merlin.” Arthur’s voice was soft. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. You know that, right?”

Merlin snorted. “Oh yeah? What if I don’t want to tell you anything? What then? Off we pop to make Gwyneth a meal, shall we?”

Arthur shrugged. “Yes.”

He said it so easily. So…  _ simply _ as if. As if it  _ were _ just.that.easy. Merlin blinked. Looked at his King, really looked. And then he sighed.

“Damn you, Arthur. Fine, you prat. You win.”

And if Arthur hid his smug smirk in his cup, well…

~x~

“It wasn’t quite  _ that _ hard while they were still there, you know? Gwen and our Knights… I mean… there was just...” He waved his hand jerkily, trying to convey the magnitude of, well, everything. “There was so much to  _ do _ those first few decades, you know? Gwen needed help, even with Leon by her side and --“

“Leon?” Arthur couldn’t help but interrupt. “When you say by her side…?”

Merlin gave him a Look at that. “Jealous,  _ sire _ ?” At Arthur’s indignant sputtering, however, Merlin gave a humorless chuckle and shook his head.

“No need for that. Your Queen never remarried. Leon was her rock, however. Throughout her whole reign, he stood by her. More so than I ever did. More so than I ever could, even… I mean…”

“Not what I meant, _ Mer _ lin. I… I had hoped Gwen had found happiness, after… and what do you mean more than you could? There’s no way you’ll have me believe you didn’t do your utmost best and --”

Merlin waved him off impatiently. “I tried, okay? I did my best, but… after Gwen legalized magic again and the special Council was firmly established… I knew she’d be okay. She had Leon as her High Council, she had the Knights…

“I made this grand show of saying goodbye to Camelot. There was a feast and everything. Everyone thought I was leaving to spread the magic, the knowledge, and to continue my own learning. Leon was the only one with the truth… he was the only one I told where I was going. You know, just in case.”

Merlin’s hands were shaking so bad, he put down his cup and lifted his feet onto the armchair, raising his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

“Where’d you go?” Arthur asked quietly, halfway wishing he asked too quietly to be heard. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to that particular question.

“The Lake,” Merlin breathed and Arthur’s eyes slid shut. “At first I just… I just needed to grieve, I hadn’t even grieved properly, there had been so much to do and… I hadn’t had time to just… Process.

“So I went to the Lake. And I forgot myself there, for a while. By the time Leon came to find me, time had passed. The Queen was dead. I was needed in Camelot. He couldn’t let me not say goodbye, he said. So back I went.”

“That… you were by that Lake, all alone, for… years?  _ Years _ ?” Arthur whispered, unable to comprehend the enormity of what his sorcerer was telling him.

Merlin shrugged. “I had a lot of grief to work through. In case you failed to notice, you are the most important thing in my life.”

It was said without any fanfare, stated even, as fact. Pure and simple. A declaration like that, and Merlin just…said it. Like it was nothing. And Arthur  _ will _ allow his head to spin on that fact alone, but later. Now, all he could focus on was that Merlin had said  _ are _ \-- not  _ were -- are _ the most important thing. As if sensing his King’s thoughts, Merlin rushed to continue.

“Anyway. After Gwen’s funeral, I did set out to do what I was supposed to be actually doing. Leon promised to catch up to me as soon as all the ruling things were settled. But it took a few years for the situation to settle, so for a while, I traveled alone.

“I did spread knowledge, and I did learn. I also wandered all over. I met so many people, Arthur. So many wonderful people… many of them became my students. Many later went on to teach others themselves. It was beautiful. Sadly, I also met… Well, not all people were accepting and wonderful. Hell, acceptance,  _ true _ acceptance, can hardly be found even nowadays, so, you know… That sadly did not change.

“I trusted the wrong people. Which, honestly, ironic, but alas. My trust led to many a betrayal… I was Emrys, after all. I was Power. I was Fame and Glory. In so many eyes… that was all I was. They wanted to use me, to drain me from all that I was… they wanted to…” He shook his head and huffed. “Doesn’t matter. Suffice to say, they got exactly what they deserved. Especially after the Darkness got stronger. Oh, It does  _ not _ like to be manipulated.

“Anyway. Even with all the… not so wonderful people, I still…well, I still didn’t give up... didn’t think you’d have appreciated me just giving up, would you? So I pushed on. I continued to teach, to spread the knowledge… right up until the Cycle of Time caught up with me and the Witch trials began. It was like… coming to Camelot for the first time again. Lunatics, zealots… people, who had no affinity for magic, no  _ wish _ to even try… their hate and jealousy spurned them into going all ‘All magic is evil and all sorcerers must burn to save the rest of us’!”

“Just like…” Arthur swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Just like my father…”

Merlin snorted. “Oh, trust me, the irony wasn’t lost on me there. This time, however, unlike with your father, I was not hiding. I had not been hiding for centuries at that point. People knew who I was. Sadly, they also knew I did not… I  _ would  _ not kill innocents. And ignorance does not make people inherently evil and… well. Long story short, I was caught unawares, my informant and sometimes traveling companion, stuck somewhere across the border, and they… they burned me. Put me in cold iron, shackled me on a pyre and set fire to the wood. They… they burned me alive, Arthur.”

His voice sounded so hollow, so defeated. Arthur felt a swell of rage in his chest. As well as a feeling of pure and utter helplessness. Logically he knew all these people were long gone, dead and away from the world. The sheer  _ need _ to find and eviscerate each and every one of them however? Still very much there.

“So yeah. Burning, by the way? Not fun. Also, did you know, you don’t actually die  _ from _ the fire? You die from smoke. Suffocation, let me tell you, sucks. Still, at least it’s relatively fast. When I got caught during the Cholera pandemic? Third one, I think. Now  _ that _ … ugh. Not only did I get tortured for days, as they were trying to get me to ‘reverse it’ because, according to some,  _ I _ was the one to cause it in the first place; but also, when I refused and they realized they couldn’t torture a ‘cure’ out of me? Killed again! Firing squad that time. I think I still got a scar from one of the bullets.

“Every other plague that wracked the planet got blamed on me. Every other war as well. Every other volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricane… most of them were my fault as well. I, apparently, was a walking, breathing disaster.

“Which, according to you, wasn’t too far off point. It took forever to prove to people that magic wasn’t causing natural disasters, that they just happened. Same with diseases. Don’t get me wrong, there  _ is _ such a thing as magical-bio-warfare, but a magic _ less- _ bio-warfare also exists so there.”

Arthur had to give a small smile at that. The indignant huff that his sorcerer finished that particular thought on was just precious.

“Of course, the more my Darkness grew, the less people tried to kill me. Got too dangerous for them. What with all the, you know, killing left, right and center that It loves...

“But, you know… I would’ve done it if I could. Back when I was still, mostly, me… I would have saved those people, healed them, I would’ve stopped those earthquakes and stopped those wars.”

“I don’t know about the earthquakes and wars, but you were always pants at healing spells, weren’t you,  _ Mer _ lin?”

Merlin laughed. “True enough. Still. I would’ve helped if I could. But, you know, there are things that even magic is simply not  _ allowed _ to do. There are things that just have to happen. That Earth needs to happen. Some disasters, some diseases… Those things are just a part of Everything. So I couldn’t interfere.”

“And so instead… instead you died. For the people that killed you. For the Earth too.”

“And so I died. Not for those people. But for the rest of them. I died for  _ your _ people, sire. And I would do so again. As many times as it took.”

~x~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are joy and love and sustenance to suffering souls.  
> hint - my soul is very very suffering. plis feed it or it die x.x


	7. Secrets Best Left Unkept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go, lovelies.  
> as usual, my deepest thanks go out to the dearest Pelydryn for awesome beta'ing and all around help <333
> 
> also, Sheheryar_Shahid, i hope you enjoy this, and please know, that it's entirely thanks to you that this update is happening nOw and not...well... later x"D
> 
> EDIT: tHiS ChApTeR nOw HaS ArT ToOOoOoOOoooo.... *beyond happy pterodactyl noises* Thank You forever, my dearest Sunfall_of_Ennien <33333

~x~

The sun felt absolutely wonderful on his face. Arthur hummed, pure contentment rushing through him, feeling his whole body relax. He stretched his arms above his head without bothering to open his eyes, felt the sun-warmed grass tickling his neck and sighed. This, this was what pure bliss felt like. A whiff of smoke on the wind blew by and Arthur hummed again -- it was almost time.

“Arthur.”

He bit down a grin.

“Come now, up and at ‘em, lazy daisy.”

“No. I’m napping,” he mumbled, feeling a chuckle caressing his ear and eliciting a grin from him.

“Oh? Are you really?”

“Mhm… C’mere and nap with me, hmm?” Another chuckle and a warm breath on his ear later, a familiar body was lying down, curling at his side, an arm wrapping around his waist.

“I’m supposed to be waking you up, you know... Leon and Morgana are here and _you’re_ supposed to be getting the grill going.”

“Why don’t you wake me then?” Arthur teased softly and heard him huff a laugh. Then there was a shadow, blocking out the sunshine above his face. Before he could complain about it, however, a soft pair of lips were on his and all complaints flew right out the proverbial window.

It was slow, gentle… He was being kissed in a way he was always kissed in the mornings. With an inhale, Arthur slid a hand along the side of his lover’s neck, tangled his fingers in the soft locks and pulled him closer. He opened his mouth, ran his tongue over that tempting bottom lip, tearing a startled gasp out of the man above him and turning the kiss wet and filthy in a heartbeat. He felt a shudder run through his lover and smirked into his mouth. Arthur’s other hand reached for his waist, but a hand on his chest, pushing him down, stopped his momentum.

“Nope. None of that now. You’re awake. Which means, off you go. Fire to start, meat to cook, remember?”

Arthur groaned, his eyes staying stubbornly closed. “I’d rather stay right here, though, with you.”

“Oh, I know. I promise, however, after our guests leave, I’ll be all yours, _sire_.” The last bit purred straight into his ear made Arthur curse under his breath.

“Menace, that’s what you are.”

A laugh washed over him as his lover stood up and began walking away. “I love you too, prat. Now get.”

Arthur chuckled, stretching his arms above his head once more before sitting up and finally opening his eyes.

The sun was gone. There were storm clouds rolling in and the scent of smoke felt choking. Arthur blinked, shook his head, unable to comprehend what –-

“Arthur!”

He jumped up, only to realize there was a light torch in his hand. He was standing in the middle of the courtyard. There was a pyre, blazing before his eyes. And chained to it was Merlin.

“Arthur…” he cried, his voice so tortured, so full of agony, Arthur didn’t even feel the torch slip out his numb fingers.

“Merlin!” He threw himself at the flames, felt his skin melt, didn’t care, had to get to him, had to ---

“…thur! Sire! Wake up, Arthur!”

Arthur jumped up in bed, his nightshirt drenched in sweat, a sleep-rumpled and very worried looking Merlin at his side. Arthur was panting, knew he was shaking, but couldn’t stop. Merlin’s hand on his forearm felt like a searing brand.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. It wasn’t real. Whatever it was, it was just a dream…”

His sorcerer’s soothing murmurs filling his ears, Arthur blinked the flames away. Turning, he ran his trembling fingers over Merlin’s cheekbone, making the other man blink at the surprise touch.

“It felt real,” he mumbled, unable to tear his eyes away from Merlin’s worried face. “It felt, _so_ real…”

“Hey, now. No, look at me. Arthur.” Merlin took a deep breath and placed his hand over Arthur’s, still on his face. “Here, feel?”

At his King’s subdued nod, he managed a shaky smile. “Good, well, _this_ is real. Okay? Whatever it was you saw, _that_ wasn’t. Are you with me?”

Arthur nodded again. Then he sighed, pulled his hand away slowly and shook his head.

“I’m sorry for waking you, Merlin.”

His sorcerer snorted. “Please, as if I don’t wake you twice as much.”

That managed to get a wry smile out of Arthur. “Not lately you don’t. Is it me or are your nightmares… getting better?”

Merlin shrugged. “I wouldn’t exactly say _better_ , but…” He sighed. “In any case, it doesn’t matter right now. It’s beyond late and I still want a couple of hours of sleep, so, how about we go back to it, hmm?”

Arthur didn’t say anything, letting Merlin push him down to the bed with a hand on his chest, and when his sorcerer didn’t move away and instead curled up at his side, well… Arthur wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pretended not to hear the content hum the man in his arms let out and found that drifting back to sleep wasn’t quite as hard as he had feared it might be.

~x~

_And what do you think_ **_that_ ** _is all about?_ Merlin blinked, his cup of tea frozen raised mid-way to his mouth. Outside on the patio, Arthur and Gwyneth were having a heated discussion. Heated, obvious from all the gesturing happening all over the place, but quiet enough for it to not reach his ears. _It_ , however, didn’t have that problem. _Why is she with our King? What’s he doing with her? He’s_ **_ours_ ** _, she shouldn’t be anywhere near him. Let me get rid of her, hmm, precious? The King will never know. I Promise~_ With a shudder, Merlin physically shook his head and went outside to join them.

The sun was shining especially brightly today, as if trying to dispel the Darkness within. Merlin sent a grateful prayer upwards, hoping it’d be enough. At least for a little while longer. Just a little while. He looked at his King, laughing in the sun, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He was shining so brightly. Even brighter than the sun, at least in Merlin’s eyes. He bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to taste copper. Just a little while longer. He closed his eyes with a shuddering breath. He was running out of time. Fast.

“Little druid! Come here for a minute, would you? I’ve written up a plan for your studies.”

With an excited squeal, Gwyneth bounded up to him and made grabby hands at the papers until he handed them over. She skimmed over the words, her forehead contorting into a frown.

“Teacher...?”

Merlin hummed inquiringly as he plopped down on the grass beside Arthur, raising an eyebrow at the flinch his action caused.

“This is… a decade or so long a plan.” Gwyneth plopped down in front of him, cross-legged.

“Over-planning much, _Mer_ lin?” Arthur asked with a chuckle, and Merlin found making a smile appear on his face actually hurt.

“No such thing, Majesty. It never hurts to be… prepared, as _you,_ of all people, should well know.”

Gwyneth looked worried, Arthur looked… well, his expression closed off just like it used to do when he was before his father and didn’t want the king to know what he was thinking.

“Beautiful day, isn’t it? I think we should enjoy this weather while we can. Never know when it’ll be gone.” Merlin finished his tea and groaned through a stretch. “I say we go out.”

“We…are out, _Mer_ lin.”

Gwyneth snorted, and at Arthur’s baffled expression, snorted again. “Sorry, don’t mind me, allergies.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and gave her a Look. “I meant into the town. Have you been yet? There’s a beautiful Old Town and then there’s the Mall, of course, and oh! How about we go to the cinema as well? Let’s make a whole day out of it. Well, afternoon, but whatever. We deserve a break, yes? Good. I’ll go grab my car keys then.” And he was off, without so much as a by your leave, leaving Arthur and Gwyneth blinking after him.

“So…what’s that all about, do you think?” Gwyneth asked, biting her lip in worry. Arthur shrugged. “Well…I, um, had a bit of a… hard night, I guess. He’s probably just trying to take my mind off of it. Don’t worry too much, though, Daisy. I’m sure that’s all it is.”

Gwyneth hummed in agreement, but the strangeness of that forced cheerfulness and the plan her Teacher had handed her… Something was not right with him. Something was not _right_ and she was going to find out exactly what it was.

~x~

They came back tired, overheated from the sun that wouldn’t let up and bellies hurting from laughter. Arthur was carrying at least three bags of _stuff_ that he had no clue how they would ever use, but ‘Come now, _sire_ , who knows when’s the next time a carnival will roll around?’

He wanted to grumble and roll his eyes, but his sorcerer was beaming and joking with Gwyneth and the clown -- ‘Oh look at that, a juggler, _Mer_ lin’, ‘Don’t you even _think_ about it!” So Arthur didn’t. Instead, he let Merlin and Gwyn drag him all over and show him all the tiny little streets with their tiny little stores, and then there was that carnival, so, obviously, they needed to stop by for just a moment and … Arthur sighed. Finally, after hours of ‘fun’ they were back home for some well deserved peace and ---

“Arthur, could you help me out a bit here?”

Swallowing his groan, he followed his sorcerer’s voice to the kitchen and found Merlin, yet again, head-first in the fridge.

“I swear that thing will swallow you whole one day…”

“What?”

“Nothing. Help you said. With?”

Merlin pulled his head out of the fridge and grinned sheepishly.

“I… need you to find my recipe. I could swear I had it written down _somewhere_ , but I was sorta… distracted lately, so.” He waved his hand a bit desperately. “I have no idea where that particular recipe ended up? Do you think you could, _please_ , be so kind as to bring me my recipe book from our chambers? I’m pretty sure it’s on the third bookshelf to the left, fourth row, ‘round middle? It’s a huge book, should be called something along the lines of ‘Spinach and what not’.”

Arthur blinked at him, feeling a smirk pull at his lips. “Well, since you’ve asked so nicely.”

Merlin snorted and waved him off before diving right back into the fridge. Arthur shook his head and left him to it.

~x~

There was, in fact, a book titled _Spinach and What Goes Best with It_ on the third bookshelf to the left, but it was on the _sixth_ row and to the right. And Arthur was sure to let _Mer_ lin know that as soon as ---

“And what do we have here…?” 

Had the book been where Merlin said it should be, Arthur wouldn't have had to look lower. Had he not looked, he wouldn’t have had to kneel on the floor for easier access. Had he not kneeled… he wouldn’t have bumped his knee into that box, so, really, it was all Merlin’s fault for not organizing his books in an orderly fashion.

Now there Arthur was, kneeling on the floor, book by his side, a gorgeous, carved, wooden box in his arms. The King was facing a Dilemma. On the one hand, the box was obviously placed where it was not without reason. On the other… one little look wouldn’t hurt anyone… Right?

“We did promise the whole no more secrets thing…” Arthur muttered under his breath, and raised his hand to open the box.

~x~

Three days. Three whole days was how long Arthur managed to hold out after stashing the box right back to where he had found it and leaving to deliver Merlin his spinach book.

He went down the Orb List, laughed off Gwyneth’s grumbles at how frequent she had to make new calls.

He spent time pouring over scrolls and tomes so old and dusty they kept making him sneeze. This, however, neither one of them complained about. Mostly, because with each scroll and each tome their hope was dwindling. None of their sources had anything new to tell them about neither the Anchors nor the Darkness nor the Void. Every book had the same information, every person Gwyneth contacted the same shake of the head – it all came down to the Bonding Ritual; without one, Merlin was as good as lost. All they had now was a countdown. And the clock was speeding up.

They both knew it. Hell, Merlin knew it. It was obvious from the way he spent hours pouring over his own books, making extensive study lists for Gwyneth. It was obvious from the way he spent hours in the kitchen, making Arthur’s favorite meals (or, the versions closest to them, considering his… aversions to meat). It was, however, most obvious from the way he didn’t get so much as annoyed, not to mention angry, with his King. Whatever he said to him, however he teased, all he got was poorly veiled amusement at best, or even more poorly veiled _affection_ at worst, and Arthur was at his wits’ end.

As if to add insult to injury, just in case the Once and Future King had insisted on being especially dense on any given day and attempted to, heavens forbid, _forget_ the situation they were in just for an instant? Well, that would find him stumbling onto the random, incoherent ramblings and arguings of his sorcerer and whatever inanimate object was in his way, be it a plant or a windowsill. Instances like these were increasing. Arthur sometimes caught onto the tail end of a berating that Merlin was doling out to one of their Knights or, to his morbid amusement, the berating that Merlin was _receiving_ , most usually from what sounded like it could have been Gaius; at least that was what Arthur guessed, considering Merlin’s responses to the voice that only he could hear.

He needed a distraction or he was going to go insane himself. And where would that leave them? So, making sure the other two inhabitants of his, oh fine, _their_ castle, were good and busy -- Merlin was baking something again, it smelled suspiciously like cookies, and no, Arthur was most definitely _not_ drooling, thank you very much. And Gwyneth was keeping him company – she was banned from actual cooking after one, rather unfortunate incident involving the burner and some mushrooms and – they don’t talk about it… Arthur made his way to their chambers, and to Merlin’s box.

Plopping down straight onto the floor, he pulled the box in between his knees and lifted the top gingerly. The air shimmered. Arthur felt soft, golden tendrils of Merlin’s magic surround him, caress him, wrap him in a warm embrace and then settle. He very pointedly did _not_ think about what would have happened had it been someone else to open that box.

Arthur ran his fingers gently over the tops of the Orbs nestled there, and hummed in consideration. There were quite a few to choose from, after all. Thankfully, they were all labeled – it seemed that centuries had at least taught his sorcerer neatness.

_Thoughts and ponderings on the Ruling class_ , Arthur read, blinked, and put the orb back.

_All the times the Prat saved my life_ . “Now _this_ I have to see.” Arthur chuckled and raised his hand to activate the Orb. Then hesitated. Placed it back.

_All the times I saved the Prat._ He inhaled sharply, his hand trembling over the Orb. _Did_ he want to know? They never did have that conversation. Not back in Camelot, when Arthur was dying --- there was no point, or no time, or too little distance… and not now. Same reasons sort of applied, no? There it was though --- the whole account. He could see it all. Arthur placed the Orb back. That was a conversation he _would_ have with his sorcerer. And sooner, rather than later, gods willing. Finding out this way? No. That was… no.

_Friends lost._

_Thoughts on Life and Loneliness._

_My Brats._

_Our Knights._ That one gave Arthur pause. “Our, huh…?”

_His Royal Cabbage-headed, Pratty Clotpole._ Arthur snorted. “A whole Orb, just for me? Why, _Mer_ lin, you’ll make me blush…” He ran his fingers over the Orbs again, suddenly extremely aware of just how personal these truly were. He couldn’t see any of them. Obviously. With a huff, Arthur was about to close the box, when his eye caught on the last Orb in the nice, neat row. It had no label. Curious, Arthur pulled it out, checked the inside of the box --- maybe it had fallen off? But no, it just wasn’t there.

“I wonder… what could you possibly have in here, ey, _Mer_ lin…?”

~x~

There was a saying about cats and curiosity that, he felt, fit this situation quite well. Still, to use another saying… the cat was out of the bag now, and all it was left for Arthur to do was…Well. Rationally, he knew he had no right to feel the way he did. He did, he knew that. Rationally. Then again, Arthur’s rationality seemed to have taken a vacation all of a sudden, leaving him feeling… _this_ instead.

_...anything you want, what will it be?_

_Strawberries._

He placed the Orb back with a shaking hand. Closed the lid and put the box back in its place, taking care to check nothing was out of order.

_Have you ever used it? What’s it like?_

_What, for sex? That’s your question, really?_

_Well, it’s_ **_magic_ ** _and we’re in bed… what was I supposed to ask?_

_...Would you like to find out?_

Head still spinning from what he’d seen, what he’d _experienced_ , Arthur grabbed the book Merlin had asked for this time and stalked his way to the kitchen.

~x~

“Ah, finally! There you are. I was beginning to fear a bookcase fell on you or something.” Merlin was grinning and making grabby hands at the book.

Arthur handed it off without comment and turned on his heel.

“Whoa, where are you off to again? I ---“ Merlin started, but then took one look at his King’s face and fell silent.

“Arthur?” Gwyneth tried tentatively, her focus dragged from her studies by the abrupt silence that suddenly weighed the kitchen down.

“I… Just call me when the food’s done. I’ll be in the garden.”

Merlin and Gwyneth exchanged a glance, both failing to _not_ notice the ice in their King’s voice that could’ve frozen a pond over solid.

“Ooookay then,” Merlin drawled and watched Arthur nod stiffly, turn on a heel and leave.

“So. What the hell was that?” Gwyneth hissed as soon as he was out of earshot.

“I’ve… Honestly I have no clue, little druid,” Merlin answered, flummoxed, and turned back to his cooking.

~x~

To say that the dinner was a smooth affair would be a filthy, filthy lie. Arthur’s icy mood seemed to worsen with each bite he took, and both Gwyneth and Merlin were left more and more confused and worried in turn.

None of the attempts at conversation worked and soon all three were choking not only on the food (which, in any other circumstance would’ve been very much praiseworthy) but on all of the things that were being left unspoken too.

“So… how about some berries in cream for dessert?” Gwyneth tried in a last ditch attempt of salvaging the evening. “I just managed to pick a beautiful crop of strawberries from the garden today.”

“Oh that’s just wonderful, little druid, I ---“ Merlin started, an only slightly strained smile on his face.

“Go figure you’d have a garden of strawberries. Then again, considering how much time has passed, I would have thought you’d managed to learn how to conjure them properly by now.” Arthur snorted into his glass at the same time, making the smile melt off of Merlin’s face in an instant.

“I thought you liked strawberries?”

Arthur gave a one-shouldered shrug and drained the rest of his wine. “I liked them back then too, yet I don’t remember you ever going out of your way to offer _me_ any.” The look he gave Merlin worked probably even better than the bitter words that followed. “Guess you had different priorities when it came to desserts back then, huh?”

Merlin felt the blood drain out of his face at that. Gwyneth stood there, halfway out of her chair, afraid to move, afraid to breathe… one thing she knew for sure was she should _not_ be witnessing this, whatever _this_ was. Apparently, her Teacher agreed.

He reached over the table, grasped his King’s wrist and they were gone. Gwyneth collapsed back into her chair, her legs giving out.

“What, the actual, fuck…”

~x~

When his Darkness began taking over more and more, Merlin got somewhat used to the blackouts he was forced to experience. This time, however, it felt… different.

He knew he had taken them to their chambers, he knew there was pacing and then there were…words? He forced his mind to focus. Snippets of conversation filtered in.

“…private, I _told_ …”

“… _Mer_ lin, I _said_ there was no…”

“…right, _no_ right, Arthur!”

He distinctly realized one of the shouting voices belonged to him, tried to stop, blinked. The world had tilted between one blink and the next – the door was slamming behind a stormed-out Arthur, and the ground was suddenly so much closer – oh, he was sitting on the floor, did his knees buckle? Strange, usually, Arthur catches him when he… oh… that’s right… Arthur left... Arthur left him... Arthur was…gone. Oh. _Oh_.

_Our King… is… gone?_

~x~

Who would have thought that one could find the chambers of the King lacking? Thanks to Merlin‘s enchantments, all of the castle‘s upkeep was maintained by his magic. Which meant that even considering the fact he hadn‘t so much as stepped a foot inside his old chambers since being here, once he did, Arthur found the chambers nice, cleaned and cared for.

Being there brought about a wave of nostalgia – these were the chambers he had moved into after his coronation. These were the chambers he had shared with his Queen. He sighed, went to the fireplace and, finding wood inside, already prepared, started a fire. Then he pulled up a chair, plopped down, and stared at the dancing flames trying his damnedest to block out the screams of his sorcerer that he could hear echoing in the crackle.

~x~

_Our King... Where is Our King, precious?_

He could feel the world still spinning around him, could feel himself getting further and further away.

_Oh man, did you manage to lose the Princess_ **_again_ ** _, Merlin? Only you, truly, only you..._

No, he shook his head, you’re wrong, Gwaine, he didn’t lose…anyone…he just…

_Ah, my poor boy, what have you done now?_

Gaius. He hadn’t heard his father-figure in a while, and no no he hadn’t done anything not really.

_Young warlock, it‘s...not... it‘s not too..._

Kilgharrah, old friend, speak up. He couldn’t… couldn’t hear, so much noise, so…

_Our King, precious, Our King is gone! Gone again gone again gone again gone gone gone gone!!!!_

It was so dark. So dark and quiet. He had failed. But, in the darkness and the quiet... in the darkness and the quiet he could forget. Just for a while. His failure. His... mistakes. His King was gone. No, that wasn’t quite right. His King has _left_ him. And it **hurt**. He was all alone. All alone all over again. In the darkness. In the quiet. He breathed out and the darkness deepened. Good. The darker it was, the easier it‘d be to just... forget... forget the pain, forget the loneliness… just, forget, just for a while.

~x~

While he would be the first to admit that the lack of sleep messed with his awareness, Arthur found himself completely appalled with his lack of observational skills that morning.

First, there was the ash-filled flowerpot that he stubbed his toe on, on his way to the kitchen.

Then, there was the scent of… if he didn’t know any better, he would have said, the corridors smelled of decay and rotting plant-life.

Then, there was the distinct lack of _noise_ , when he neared the aforementioned kitchen.

All of which, had he had any sleep the night before, Arthur would have taken notice of. Alas, what he _had_ done was spend the night before the fire until only embers had remained instead of sleeping, thus, his abysmal noticing skills.

After making himself a second cup of coffee (having inhaled the first one post-haste) Arthur finally took a look around. It really was too quiet this morning. No Gwyneth, no… no Merlin. Suddenly the coffee was tasting far more like guilt instead of his beloved caffeine. Leaving his still half-full cup on the counter, Arthur went in search of his missing castle-mates. Now, however, the first inhalation of coffee having done its job, he _was_ noticing the dead or dying flowerpots and the sickly scent of death hanging about in the air.

“Daisy?” He knocked on her door and his worry skyrocketed when there was no answer. “Gwyn? Gwyneth, are you there?” Arthur pounded on her door with a fist, his head beginning to spin.

It seemed to take forever, but, finally, there was a quiet shuffle and the door opened up a crack.

“Arthur?”

“Oh thank the heavens.” Arthur collapsed against the doorframe and managed a small smile for her. “You had me worried there, Daisy. Where were you?”

She glanced around the corridor quickly, opened the door, pulled him in and then closed it back just as quick.

“Here. I… I haven’t left the room since last night.”

Arthur frowned. “Why?”

The girl snorted, “You’re joking, right?” Taking a closer look at him, she blinked. “You’re not…are you? Fuck… that means…”

“What does that mean, Daisy?”

“Where’s Teacher, Arthur?”

It felt like she had doused him in icy-water.

“I thought you’d tell me. I stopped by the kitchen but…”

“I don’t know _what_ it was that happened yesterday, exactly, but I bet his going off had to do with it, meaning, it had to do with you, so, you know… Fix it, yeah?”

Arthur blinked at the seething girl before him and, very intelligently, went, “Huh?”

Gwyneth rolled her eyes at him and crossed her arms. “I know you can’t feel the absolutely stifling, choking magic smog that’s literally _all over_ and is, in fact, why I’m barricaded in my chambers… but, ugh, even _you_ had to notice the death and decay we’re swimming in, no?”

“The plants.” Arthur not so much asked as reaffirmed to another snort of Gwyn’s.

“Yeah, genius, the plants. Honestly, I don’t know what you did to cause this but, for the love of everything, Arthur, fix it. It’s never been this bad before. I’m… I’m scared.”

He opened his arms and she immediately folded into his embrace and let him comfort her. If he were being honest, she wasn’t the only one in need of a bit of comforting.

“It’ll be all right, Daisy. I’ll fix it. I just need to find him first.”

That granted him yet another snort, even if it was a pathetically sad sounding one. “Just follow the death… it should lead you straight to him…”

~x~

Following death, as it turned out, was even easier than Arthur had feared. The corridors were not only plantless – every windowsill now housing a sad looking ash-filled pot, but the _air_ itself seemed to be… less. There was less of it to breathe, it felt… thick, almost…slimy, in his throat and lungs. The deeper in the castle Arthur went, the darker it became – it seemed the light was just unable to penetrate the fog of goo, for the lack of a better word and soon enough, Arthur had to grab a torch just to see where he was going. Except, the torch didn’t want to get light. When it finally did, it only shone long enough for Arthur to see where the devastation had led him – the throne room.

Taking a deep gulp (ill-advised, but what can you do) of air, Arthur steeled himself and opened the door.

~x~

At first, it took him a moment to parse through what it was that he was seeing. The throne room was empty, the only light source being the window high-up, which managed to let a few rays of sun in. Only the thrones, which stood where they had always stood, in the middle of the hall, were illuminated. The light fell on them and only them, however, giving the whole place a very…eerie feeling. Arthur repressed a shudder.

There was a figure in front of the thrones. The figure was kneeling. It did not move, did not react to the door opening, nor to Arthur entering. It was as still as a statue.

“Merlin?” he asked tentatively, keeping his steps light and slow.

The figure swayed to its feet. “ _Your Majesty_ ~”

Arthur felt himself palling as the figure turned to face him, a grimace acting as a smile on its face.

“Merlin? Are you with me?” He asked, forcing his voice not to tremble. There was none of his sorcerer in Its eyes. They were black and bottomless and Arthur knew, with a strange certainty, that if he fell in, there’d be no coming back up.

“So sorry, _Your Majesty,_ no Merlin… Merlin isn’t here right now, Merlin is hiding, only _We_ are here.” It sounded extraordinarily pleased with that. “What can we do for you, _Your Majesty_ , how can we please you, oh please _please_ , let us please you, _Your Majesty,_ we are **so** good at pleasing we promise~” It purred, running a hand over Arthur’s chest and what, when did It even get over here? Arthur shook his head and took Its wrist in hand, pulling Its hand away.

“No. I want Merlin. Only Merlin can please me.” That was obviously _not_ the right thing to say, as It scowled and then quickly changed Its expression to a pout.

“Are you sure, _Your Majesty_? What is it that you desire? Just tell us… mmm, yes, please, tell us. Anything you desire, anything you want or need… just say the word and it’s yours.”

Arthur didn’t even blink. “Merlin.”

At Its scowl, his grip on Its wrist tightened.

“Are you disobeying your king then?”

“No! Never! You’re _Our King_ , we’d never…” It was whining now, the pout back full force. Arthur found, however, it did not have the same effect as it did when Merlin did it.

“Well then, I’m waiting. Give me my Merlin back.”

It winced at that and seemed to shrink onto Itself. “We… we cannot. He doesn’t want to come out. He’s in deep, very deep, deeper than he’s ever been and we… we can’t pull him out. Not on our own.”

Arthur felt as if the blood in his veins was freezing over. ”What.” he managed to choke out, his grip on Its wrist tightening even further. He could feel the delicate bones in his sorcerer’s, his _Merlin’s_ wrist grinding together, but for the life of him, he could not relax his hand.

“He’s… he’s in shock, we think. You abandoned him again and so he decided to…” It let out a humming sound as It thought over how to explain what happened to the flabbergasted King, “Leave as well, we suppose… But we’re here, _Your Majesty_! So you can just ---“

“What the hell do you mean I _abandoned_ him?” Arthur roared and It blinked, evidently surprised by the outburst.

“But… but you left.” Such a small, childish statement. Yet it broke something in Arthur. His arms dropped to hang limply by his sides and he took a shuddering breath, the full impact of his little tantrum finally catching up with him.

“That I did.” He finally breathed quietly, running a trembling hand through his hair in frustration. “But I didn’t mean to _abandon_ him! I was going to come back, for gods’ sake!”

It blinked, Its creepy black eyes focused solely on Arthur. “But you didn’t come back. He waited. And waited. And waited. And you didn’t come back.”

“He’s been waiting for over a thousand years one would assume one night wouldn’t be so big of a deal!” Arthur huffed and paced in front of the thrones. It followed his progress with Its eyes, not moving a muscle otherwise, seemingly content to simply have him in Its close proximity.

Finally, when pacing didn’t produce any miraculous solutions to his problem, Arthur stopped, turned back to It and motioned It over. It shuffled over eagerly, excitedly awaiting whatever It would get from Its King.

“You… want to please me, yes?”

“Always, _Your Majesty~”_

“In that case, what would please me most now would be getting Merlin back. Which means you’ll help me with this endeavor.” Without waiting for confirmation or agreement, he soldiered on. “You said he’s in shock, correct?” It nodded and Arthur hummed. “And you can’t bring him back on your own?” Another nod. “Could you… bring him back if I helped you somehow?”

It stood perfectly still, contemplating his inquiry. Right when Arthur was about to run out of the last dregs of his already truly limited patience, It finally opened Its mouth again. “… yes. We think.”

“Splendid! What do we have to do?”

It closed Its eyes for yet another moment and Arthur felt a desperate need to pull his hair out.

“You… need to pull, while we… push…we think.”

“Well if that’s all.” Arthur deadpanned while It blinked, his sarcasm flying straight over Its head. “How, exactly, are we supposed to do that? Whoa, what are you ---“

It was suddenly far too close for comfort, seemingly having just slithered into his personal space. It was right there, Its arms sliding over his arms, over his shoulders, wrapping around his neck, Its fingers playing with his hair. He could feel Its body heat even through all the layers of clothing they had between them.

“We’ll… push, while you… pull…” It breathed and then Its eyes shuttered closed and then there were lips on Arthur’s lips and his arms were wrapping around Its waist on reflex and then… then they were kissing.

He felt the ground tremble beneath their feet as their kiss continued, the castle gulping down a breath of fresh air at last and it suddenly seemed brighter, but he couldn’t be quite sure because his eyes were closed and when did that happen?

Arthur gasped as a hot tongue ran over his lower lip begging for entry and just as he gave in, the ground trembled again.

_How is this my life…?_ Flashed through the Once and Future King’s mind as he continued the kiss, while at the same time, somewhere far, far away, lightning flashed and with a crash of thunder, a pair of emerald eyes blinked open.

“Well well well… I wonder what you’ve got yourself into this time, my dear Emrys~”

~x~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments give me happy, feed my sad sad soul and motivate me to vomit more chapters out....  
> just sayin' <3


	8. Blink and you'll Miss It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o.o so... like... i have an outline, yeah? i like the outline. i have a pretty good idea what to do, when and how, when i've an outline.  
> how this chapter went -  
> me : *outlines. Attempts to Write*  
> M & A : "Lol no." // *literally slams a door in my godsdamned face* // *adlibs an entire fucking conversation that was not Supposed to Do what it ended up Doing* // *fucking ends a chapter where they bloody please*  
> me : :|||||||  
> so. this chapter was supposed to be longer. but. well. who am i to disagree with the King >.>""""" so here we are :|
> 
> as always, thank you, Pelydryn, you're a goddess i'd be lost without your help <3333
> 
> GUYS THERE'S ART NOW THE HELL???!!!!?!????!?!?!?! like, i got art for this. i'm... i'm dead yeah? yeah. the beyond wonderful, miraculous Sunfall_of_Ennien drew me the boys, and now it's there, in the chapter. THANK YOU . like. i think i'll never stop saying that now, ahahahaha... so yeah. there's art. o.o (how is this real idk, but plis, go and screech at her and drool with me) xoxoxoxoxoxo

It was nice. Floating in the Darkness. It was quiet and peaceful. It was Dark and it was peaceful, and he didn’t care that he was all alone even if it was Dark and quiet and cold. It was just, so… damn… cold in the Dark.

A sudden burst of light threw off his equilibrium. That and heat. It was… hot. _He_ was getting hot. And it felt… good. It was getting lighter too and he was feeling hot and…

Merlin heard himself moan, felt his arms tighten around a neck, felt his fingers run through silken strands of hair, felt his mouth open up to accept a hot slide of a tongue. With a gasp, he returned the kiss, felt it echo through his whole body, felt a shiver run down his spine, felt hands caressing all along his sides and back. He pulled away to take a breath, but really, breathing was entirely overrated and ---

“Merlin? Are you with me?”

Merlin’s eyes blinked open, blue meeting blue, and then widened as he took in the situation and promptly catapulted out of Arthur’s arms and halfway across the room.

“I… what… you… we…” he babbled incoherently, hands gesticulating wildly between himself and his King.

Arthur’s eyebrow rose slowly. “Finish a sentence, if you would.”

After a deep inhale, Merlin seemed to recenter himself. “What was that?”

“Really, _Mer_ lin, I figured even someone as clueless as you would know what ---“

“There were lips. There were lips on my lips happening, Arthur! _Why_ were there lips on my lips? And why are we here, _where_ are we ev--- ah, the throne … but… what… wait.” He ran his fingertips over his lips and made an effort to not notice Arthur following the movement of his fingers. A moment later, he stepped up to his King and nodded. “Explain.”

“You were lost. And the… the Darkness couldn’t pull you out alone. So It pushed, while I… pulled.”

“…with your lips?”

Arthur shrugged. “Wasn’t my idea.”

“Arthur, there was _tongue_.”

Arthur had the gall to smirk. “Didn’t look like you minded from where I was standing.”

Merlin threw his hands up with a frustrated huff. “Wasn’t me, you clotpole! That was the Darkness you were snogging! As if I’d…” He bit his words off with a curse and then shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. We… we have to talk. This, what happened last night. It came way too close. Arthur, we _have_ to talk about ---“

“No,” Arthur interrupted him calmly. “I know what you’re about to say and there is no way in all seven hells we’re having the ‘you need to kill me, Arthur’ conversation again. What happened last night was… unfortunate, but I’m quite aware of why it happened and I am more than capable of making certain it does not happen again.”

“But---“

“No buts, _Mer_ lin, I will not hear another word about it. Now then.” He took a deep breath before visibly straightening and then… then he bowed. At the waist. Before Merlin. Merlin’s brain refused to compute what he was seeing. “I apologize for my appalling behavior. I had absolutely no right to do what I did. A breach of privacy such as one I… Well, you have my word it will not happen again.” Then he straightened back up and beamed at a gaping Merlin. “Now that that’s all over and done with, coffee? Oh, and, Merlin? Do something about the plants while we’re going to the kitchens, yeah?”

~x~

She could hear the ranting all the way out in the gardens. Made her glad to be outside. Especially considering she _still_ had no idea if her Teacher was back… After all, that earthquake could’ve been anything really, even if there had never, _ever_ been earthquakes around here. Ever. Anyway…

“…was about! Not to mention, you know, that---“

“Oh would you stop being such a blasted _girl_ already, _Mer_ lin! It was just a kiss!”

Gwyneth’s eyes widened to plate-like proportions. _Say what now?_ She strained her ears, and it wasn’t only because of the kiss comment, honest, it was much more because it sounded like…

“It was **not** ‘just a kiss’, especially considering --- oh.”

“Would it kill you to finish a thought for ---“

“Shut it, Arthur.”

She heard a very indignant huff, but it didn’t matter. A shadow blocked the view from the open patio door and then…stopped, hesitating to take the last step outside.

“Little druid? Gwyn? I… I’m back. It’s okay now, sweetling. Would you mind if I came out there to you?”

Gwyneth let out a shuddering breath and blinked her tears away.

“Teacher?” she hated that her voice broke. Hated it. Alas. It had scared her half to death, what had happened, and as such, no tears wasn’t really an option.

There was no doubt in his steps now, and only a moment later she was wrapped in his arms again.

“I’m so sorry, little druid. That was damn scary wasn’t it…I’m so _so_ sorry…”

Gwyneth just nodded and let her silent tears spill. If it were into his jumper, it didn’t count. Never had. Not when she was six and scraped her knee trying to learn how to peddle a bicycle; not when she was nine and her parents never came back home from their cruise; not when she was seventeen and her date stood her up at her school dance; not when she was nineteen and had witnessed, first hand, the first real appearance of the Darkness; and not now, after she had spent the night terrified out of her mind, at the thought of losing the only proper father she had ever had.

When she had calmed down a little and accepted the cup of tea Arthur had made while Merlin was dealing with her, she finally managed to ask her questions.

“What was that, last night?”

After a very obvious, very uncomfortable exchange of a Look between the two men, her Teacher sighed.

“We… had an argument.”

Gwyneth’s eyebrow rose. “An argument.”

“We didn’t… handle it well.” Arthur offered with a wobbly half-shrug.

“An argument. Is that what we’re calling it then?” she asked, feeling the beginning of a headache start behind her eyes.

“Well… yes. That’s what happened. We argued. It, um…well.”

“What’s this I heard about kissing then? You two in a habit of arguing with your mouths smushed against each other? When did that happen and where the hell was I for this development?”

Merlin was suddenly competing against a tomato, his cheeks were so damn crimson, while Arthur had enough decency to not look too smug. Amusement, nice and clear and all over the King’s face, however, was not hidden in the least.

“No. It… I … well…Ugh! Would you mind helping me out here a bit, you utter prat?”

Arthur snorted. “It wasn’t kiss _ing,_ it was A kiss. Singular. And you know, for the last blasted time, it wasn’t my idea. The Darkness suggested it as a way of pulling this one back out so that’s what I did.”

“You… kissed…him,” Gwyneth reaffirmed. Arthur nodded, while Merlin stood back up, movements deliberately slow, a thunderous expression on his face.

“No. He kissed the Darkness. Not me. Now, I’ve some plants to resurrect. If you’ll excuse me.”

And with that, he left. Arthur turned to Gwyneth, an absolutely baffled expression on his face. Gwyneth resisted the urge to facepalm.

“I don’t understand why he’s so pissy. It was just a kiss. And it’s not like it was his first one. Not even his first one with a man, for gods’ sake!”

Gwyneth gaped at him, a ‘how are you this dumb’ expression on her face. “Wow.” It was all she had, in all honesty.

“What?!”

“With all due respect, Your Majesty… you’re a bit of a moron.”

And with that, she stood and went back inside as well, leaving a gobsmacked King on the porch.

~x~

Dinner that night could not have been a more awkward affair if they had tried. All three sighed in relief when the food was gone and the goodnights were said.

“No more arguments, yes?” Gwyneth asked, subdued, and sighed again at the duo of nods she received in response. She left for her chambers with a shake of her head, leaving the two men feeling strangely hollow at the face of her disappointment.

“Well, then… shall we?” Arthur tried for a smile but at Merlin’s stony expression just huffed and let his sorcerer lead the way.

~x~

Once both of their nightly routines were done, Arthur plopped atop the covers of the bed, a book in hand, ready for some light reading before bed. He was reading Harry Potter at Gwyneth’s insistence and so far? He was enjoying it immensely. He was just about to read how Harry was to get the right flying key for the locked door when he realized Merlin was… not where he could see him. He could hear him shuffling, so his sorcerer was still in their chambers, but… Arthur placed the book on the bedside table and got up to investigate. What he found did not amuse him in the least.

“What exactly are you doing?” he asked, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning on the entryway to what was supposed to be a servant’s quarters, adjacent to his royal suite. 

Merlin huffed an irritated breath before giving him a one-shouldered shrug, and continuing with the making of the bed.

“I’m making up my bed, sire.”

Arthur froze. After an embarrassingly long pause and an awkward clearing of his throat, he took in the stiffness of his sorcerer’s shoulders and … well… this was not going to get solved with joking about, now was it.

“Why?” After all that internalization, Arthur was damn near ready to kick himself. Yet, when he opened his mouth to elaborate, no sound came out.

“I figured we could both use some space. Not to mention, it’s about time, I mean, just how long would we… it’s… But, well, it’s not like I can just up and move to different chambers, we both know how well _that_ much distance went. So, baby steps. Ergo, me sleeping here for now.”

He did not look back at his King once. Arthur couldn’t say he blamed him.

“Anyway, I… last night wasn’t too conducive to sleep for me, so if there’s nothing else you require, sire, I’d very much like to go to bed. Now.”

Arthur nodded to his stiff back, turned and walked out into the… well, into _his_ chambers and… that just. No, that was not, in any way okay, now was it. He went around the chambers, blowing out the candles, and then, without so much as glancing back at their, _their, damn it, Merlin,_ bed, he went back to the servant’s chambers.

“What are you doing?” Merlin didn’t sound sleepy when Arthur lifted up the covers and slid into the bed behind him.

“Going to bed. Haven’t gotten any sleep last night, you see.” Arthur wrapped his arm around his sorcerer’s waist and pulled him to his chest while sighing in contentment. Yes. Much better.

“Arthur. Go back to your bed. This… I…”

“Do you remember our promise?” Arthur asked quietly into Merlin’s hair, effectively putting a stop to his rambling.

“Which promise would that be?”

They were both whispering, as if afraid to disturb the peace the night was lulling in.

“No more secrets. We promised, Merlin. We gave our word.”

He felt more than he heard his sorcerer’s sigh. “Arthur…”

“Talk to me. Merlin, _please_.” There was a sharp inhale at the P-word, and Arthur bit down the beginnings of a smile before continuing. “If you don’t explain, we can’t fix it, whatever it is. And instead of explaining, you’re running away and shutting me out, and I…”

Merlin turned in his arms and gently ran his fingers over Arthur’s lips.

“It was supposed to be mine,” he whispered wistfully, and Arthur didn’t dare breathe. “I know you think it’s silly. I know it meant nothing to you. But…”

And suddenly it clicked.

“Oh.” Arthur wrapped his hand around Merlin’s wrist and kissed the pads of his fingers softly, almost absentmindedly. “That’s what this is about then…”

Merlin went to pull his hand away, but Arthur didn’t let him. He ran his thumb in gentle circles over Merlin’s pulse point until his sorcerer stopped struggling to pull away and then risked a small smile.

“It’s a matter of perspective, you know.” At Merlin’s questioning eyebrow, he shrugged. “It meant nothing, because it wasn’t a _kiss._ It was a way to get you back to me. That’s all. Like… a potion, or a poultice. So. Yes. It was…a cure.”

Merlin snorted. “Cure.”

“Yes. It… look, I know you wouldn’t have wanted to… with me… but…”

“It was supposed to be mine. It stole it from me.” Merlin said it with such sadness, such regret, Arthur’s breath caught in his lungs.

“What was?”

“Your kiss.” His sorcerer answered simply and Arthur gaped. “I had been waiting for over a thousand years, and It stole it from me. And even if it means nothing to you I---“

“Can I kiss you?”

Merlin scoffed and rolled his eyes at his King. “I don’t want a pity kiss, _sire_ , thanks ever so.”

Arthur huffed a breath and rolled his eyes right back. “You ever stop to think you might just not have been the only one waiting? And, by the way, we are _so_ going to talk about that, you, waiting for _that_ of all things. Really, _Mer_ lin, waiting for a kiss of all things… But I digress… I would very much like to kiss you, so, may I, Merlin?”

It took Merlin a few moments to come out from his stupor, but then he did, and the smile that stretched across his lips was hesitant, but it was a smile nonetheless and...

” _Gods, yes, plea_ \---“ Before he could finish, Arthur had pulled him the rest of the way in, their bodies pressed together, their legs entwining and then finally, finally their lips were meeting.

Needless to say, any further conversation was postponed for the morning.

~x~

“…which is the only reason I asked, Teacher.” Gwyneth shrugged, half a smile on her face as she handed Merlin a jar of rosemary.

Merlin shook his head in amused exasperation and added a pinch of the herb to the gently simmering pot. He repressed a wince and frowned down into his concoction – it had better help with this blasted headache that’s been brewing behind his eyes or else…

“Uhuh. This is my ‘I believe you’ face, little druid. Honestly, I didn’t raise a gossip monger, did I?” He managed a quiet laugh at her outraged expression and motioned to be handed the lavender leaves.

“No blossoms?”

“No, I---“ There was a sudden _shift_ in the room, whooshing over the kitchens in a wave and leaving Gwyneth breathless.

“Teacher?” She turned to him and froze – the air around him was flickering with black tendrils. They looked almost like lightning.

“Get His Majesty.” Merlin grit out, his hands pressed against his temples.

“Teach---“

“Gwyneth. _Now_.” Gwyneth looked into his eyes, which were flickering between the soothing and gentle blue and the most terrifying black she’d ever seen, and she ran.

~x~

Arthur had found, after his return, that he enjoyed gardens. For some reason, all the flowers with their cheerful colours, with their joy-filled scents... They soothed him. And so, he was nose deep into some peonies, enjoying his peaceful afternoon break, when…

“Your Majesty!”

Arthur frowned, that was… he sighed, shook his head and stood, a smile on his face.

“Come now, Daisy, I thought we’ve broken you out of that habit already… Wh---“ he saw her face then, and the smile promptly dropped off his. “What is it?”

Her eyes were wide and full of terror. No, _no_ , it couldn’t be. He was running before she even managed to open her mouth again.

“Where?” He asked over his shoulder and nodded at her yelped ‘kitchens’. Then he put her out of his mind and sprinted.

~x~

When Arthur crashed through the open door, Merlin was hunched over the counter next to the oven. The black lightning was sparkling all around him.

“Merlin!”

At the voice of his King, Merlin raised his head and managed to gasp out his name. it sounded so… weak, so _wrong_ , coming out like that, Arthur cursed under his breath, and reached.

As soon as he was close enough, he pulled his sorcerer into his arms, mindless of the sparks going off all around them, and pressed their foreheads together.

“Are you with me?” he muttered softly, looking into his sorcerer’s eyes, watching the flickering between blue and black slow down bit by bit. His arms around Merlin tightened as he pulled away a bit, to have a clearer view. “Are you with me, Merlin?” he asked again and breathed in relief when the flickering stopped, only blue, nice and clear, watching him back.

“I could barely hold it back,” his sorcerer whispered, blue quickly filling with remorse and shame.

Arthur shook his head, his fingers flexing on Merlin’s sides. “Point is, you did. No, I don’t want to hear your arguments. Just… what triggered it this time?”

Merlin seemed to collapse in on himself at that question. When Arthur coaxed his chin up with a gentle finger, his eyes were full of tears.

“Nothing.” Arthur felt the floor slip out from beneath his feet. “There was nothing. One moment I was fine, we were brewing me some headache medicine, and then the next thing I knew It was trying to claw its way out and …” He sighed and tried to step away. “It’s getting worse so much faster than I was expecting… I have almost no time left now.” He raised his head, and Arthur saw him _change._ He straightened up, determination flaring, his mind made up. Whatever it was, Arthur was certain he was _not_ going to like it.

~x~

“These are the codes to the vaults and the security passwords to all of my accounts. You should keep them somewhere safe and where you are most likely to **not** lose them, okay?”

“Merlin.”

“These are my contact books; whatever you or Gwyn may need, there’s a person here for it.”

“ _Mer_ lin.”

“This is---“

“ _Enough_. We are not doing this. I---“

Merlin gave his King a Look. It was enough to stop whatever rousing speech his King was about to spew and actually make him listen. Wonders truly did never cease.

“Arthur. If we don’t do this now, we may not have an opportunity to do it, period.” He raised his hand when he saw his King’s mouth opening again. “I know you hear it at nights. My talking to the Knights. Hell, I’m pretty sure you’d be able to tell me who I’ve spoken to on which night.” He gave a rueful smile when he saw the aborted nod. “Yeah… thought so. So, here, now this is…”

~x~

“Gwyneth. No, no my dear sweet druid. Don’t cry. I am not worth your tears.”

Arthur heard the punch echo and the grunt that followed. _Atta girl_. He praised her and forced himself to keep walking. It wasn’t his place to listen in to that particular conversation. As much as Gwyneth had become his friend, he knew that she was so much more to Merlin. For all the time he’d lived, his sorcerer had never married. Not once. But he did have children. His students whom he groomed and taught and nurtured throughout the ages. And Gwyneth, from what Arthur’d been told, most of all. She was his student, yes. She was his daughter first, however. And every child deserved a goodbye.

~x~

Merlin found him sitting in the dark. Not one candle light. He walked up to the windowsill Arthur was perched upon, took notice of the half-empty tumbler of whiskey and stood at his King’s shoulder. Following his line of sight, Merlin couldn’t help the small smile – Arthur was watching a meteor shower raining down from the heavens. Then his smile faltered – it seemed that his King was lost too deeply in thought to appreciate the miracle nature had created before his eyes.

“Arthur?” he inquired quietly, trying to avoid startling him.

“Yes, Merlin?”

Merlin blinked at the easy tone, and then rolled his eyes at himself, of course his King had known he was there. ”Is… Is everything all right?”

Arthur hummed, his eyes still on the sky. “I think it finally hit me, that’s all.”

Merlin removed the tumbler and sat down in its spot, to see his King’s expression better. “What hit you?”

“That I died.”

The simple way he said it forced a startled laugh out of Merlin. “Yeah, that you did indeed.”

Arthur shook his head, sighing with such… frustration, such… was it, sorrow? Merlin was confused. He didn’t unders---

“You don’t understand. I _died_ , Merlin. I fucking _died_. And you…” there was such grief in his eyes when they snapped to face Merlin, the sorcerer felt like he couldn’t breathe. “…you didn’t. You _didn’t_. You were left _here_. All along. All. Alone. _I_ left you all alone.”

It took Merlin a few tries to finally force sound through the lump in his throat. “Arthur… I…”

“Never again.” And this time, it was the fierce determination that was blazing in his King’s eyes that took his breath away yet again. “Never again, you hear me, _Mer_ lin? I am never leaving you alone. Not ever.”

He had no words. Nor breath either, but breathing was overrated anyway, Merlin thought somewhat hysterically, before sliding a hand over his King’s chest and behind his neck, twisting his fingers through the golden hair at his nape, and pulling him into a scorching kiss. Arthur fell into him with a groan, his own arms wrapping around his sorcerer’s waist and hoisting him into his lap in one smooth move.

When they finally pulled apart, both gasping for air, Merlin held his King’s gaze.

“Is that a promise then, sire?”

Arthur had to visibly force himself to refocus on the conversation, which made Merlin preen at his accomplishment. Then he gave his sorcerer a smile so tender and so open, however, that Merlin felt his soul _ache_.

“It is a Knight’s Oath, Merlin. And those, as you well know, are never to be broken.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments give me Life and make me Write o.o just sayin' x"D


	9. Give an Inch and Lose a Mile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you to the magnificent Pelydryn for the beta, and thank you to all who read this and who comment, truly, without you all this would have crashed and burned long ago.  
> so. love you all and i hope that you'll enjoy this update.  
> xoxoxo
> 
> P. S. THERE'S ART NOW. in chapter 8!!!! Plis go, check it out and then go and scream at the mostest loveliest Sunfall_of_Ennien with me o.o  
> Ktnxbb <333

~x~

“…not like I was hiding it just…” A deep sigh. “I was just keeping it safe for…” A deeper sigh. “After Camlann… Gwen… no, that is _not_ … Ugh!” A sigh so deep Arthur could feel it in his soul. “Look, I…”

While he was beyond amused with Merlin’s ever-mounting frustration, and, in any other circumstance, would have loved nothing more than to continue listening… Arthur could see the tiny black lightning sparking all around his sorcerer. Who, if the King was not mistaken, had yet to notice that anything was amiss.

“Problem, _Mer_ lin?” he asked as lightly as he managed, noting with relief that the lightning seemed to… just melt away, as soon as he stepped foot in the room.

“Arthur!” his sorcerer squeaked and then promptly turned nice and crimson. Clearing his throat, Merlin visibly steeled himself before taking a deep breath and shoving a closed fist in his King’s direction. “Here.”

Arthur stepped up to him with a raised eyebrow and took in the slightly trembling hand that was thrust before him.

“Merlin? What…” The rest of his question got stuck in his throat as Merlin’s hand opened and his ring fell into his palm. It was _his_ ring. _The_ ring. His… his _mother’s_ ring.

“I’m sorry I didn’t return it sooner.” Merlin breathed softly, a hesitant smile on his face. With a shaky inhale, he reached for Arthur’s hand. “May I?”

Not quite trusting his voice, Arthur just nodded, and watched as Merlin took the ring with careful fingers and then put it on his finger. Flexing his hand, Arthur let out a tremulous breath.

“I thought there was something missing. Merlin, I… thank ---“

The castle shook underneath their feet. Both men exchanged a Look.

“Did the ground just…” 

The castle shook again and Arthur huffed in annoyance. “We’re not even kissing, why the hell is the bloody castle shaking again?!”

Merlin snorted and shook his head in amusement. “Come on. Let’s go find out, yeah?”

~x~

The castle was, indeed, shaking, as they found out. And no kisses were involved this time.

“Um. Merlin?”

“Yes, Arthur?”

“Why does it look like it’s… raining meteors?”

They were standing outside, Gwyn having joined them from the garden. She did not look amused.

“Can’t a girl just plant some flowers in peace around here for once?”

“No.” Merlin and Arthur replied immediately and that, at least, made her smile.

“How come none of them are reaching us though?” Arthur wanted to know, as the barrage continued.

“Barrier. Over the whole of the property. You didn’t really think I’d leave the place where we all live unprotected?”

Arthur hummed. “It does look… rather beautiful, doesn’t it?”

That provoked a pout from his sorcerer _and_ crossed arms too. Arthur bit down a smirk. Sometimes he was just… _too easy._

“Does neither of you care about _why_ we’re being attacked? And by whom?” Gwyneth inquired drily, attempting to clean her garden gloves of dirt. Before either man could reply, however, another voice boomed over their heads.

“LORD EMRYS! THE COUNCIL OF MAGIC HAS DECLARED YOU A DANGER TO YOURSELF, OTHERS AND THE WHOLE OF PLANET EARTH! THE MOST RECENT EARTHQUAKE WAS THE LAST STRAW! YOU ARE HEREBY SENTENCED TO DEATH BY FIRE! LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND COME PEACEFU---“

The voice cut off suddenly and with it, so did the meteor shower. Arthur blinked and looked around.

“What just happened?”

“Never you mind. It’s been dealt with. Now, I’m feeling a bit peckish, what would you two say to some pizza? I’m feeling like pizza.” Merlin smiled serenely, turned on a heel and strolled peacefully straight for the kitchens.

“ _Teacher_.” That tone of voice? Yeah no - Merlin froze. “What did you do? I can’t sense anyone out there.” Gwyneth sounded worried. She bit her lip and tossed Arthur a Look. Arthur went to Merlin, his hand going to his sorcerer’s forearm, his grip gentle but solid.

“Merlin?”

With a huff and a shrug, Merlin turned to face them and… he looked sheepish. Well, this was going to be interesting.

“So I may have… um… sent the council appointed executioners away.”

“May have?” Honestly, had Gwyn’s tone been any drier it would have rivaled the Sahara.

“Away where?” Arthur asked, intrigued, and watched a pale pink colour his sorcerer’s cheeks.

“Urm… well… Australia? I… think? I mean, there’re kangaroos around and… um… quokkas?” He chuckled awkwardly and then gave them a Very Serious Look. “They bugged me. And they shook the castle. Only our kissing should shake the castle, Arthur.”

Arthur nodded sagely to that, while Gwyneth just gaped, completely flabbergasted.

“Anyway, they were here, now they’re not. So. Pizza?”

~x~

He woke slowly. It was still early, the birds only beginning their sleepy morning hellos routine. He stretched lightly, feeling the arm around his waist tightening in response to his movements. He smiled. He felt… content. At ease. Even his magic was softly humming under his skin, making him feel languid and... Hell, he would even go so far as to admit, (only to himself and only in the moment that lingered in between slumber and waking, mind) that he was happy. He was also, undoubtedly, unbearably hard. Not a new occurrence, considering his sleeping arrangements of late, but still. Inconvenient. Soft puffs of air tickled his nape, as his … he dared not even think the term lover... snuggled closer and… there. He could feel him, scorching hot, hard as steel and pressed snuggly against… Well. That, actually, wasn’t all that new either. Usually, he’d slip out before the other man woke up. Usually, he’d sneak into the bathroom and take care of his … problem. This morning, apparently, was _not_ usual.

Before he could so much as twitch towards the edge of the bed, the arm around him tightened further. He felt the hand that had been resting over his ribs trail slowly over his abdomen, stroking gentle, almost-teasing circles over his belly.

“Going somewhere?”

Merlin gulped, repressing the shudder that that drowsy, sleep muddled voice was causing.

“I---“ he gasped sharply when that hand slipped further down.

“Yes, _Mer_ lin?”

Merlin bit his lip, forcing himself to stay still, to not react, even as his magic lashed out against him, trying its best to reach, to touch back, to do _anything_. But then the tips of Arthur’s fingers slipped over the waistband of his sleep-pants and Merlin was grabbing his King’s wrist, halting his progress instantly.

Arthur froze. Merlin’s fingers trembled over his wrist, and even if felt like pure torture, Arthur pulled away, leaving space between their bodies. He tried to pull his hand away as well, but Merlin was still holding it hostage. Arthur sighed.

“Why won’t you let me touch you?” he asked quietly, wishing he hadn’t almost immediately. But, apparently, once open, his mouth refused to close again. “I know you want to… I mean… I can feel… I mean… ugh! _Mer_ lin, would you just…” He sighed again. “Just talk to me…please.”

“Idon’twantyoutofeelobligated…” Merlin mumbled under his breath, his fingers still holding his King’s wrist tightly, while his magic whimpered in distress.

Arthur frowned at the back of his sorcerer’s head. “Merlin. I know this… is going to come as a bit of a shock, but I’m not exactly a, what one could call, morning person.” Merlin snorted at that and Arthur smirked. “So, you’ll have to run that by me one more time. Slower, this time.”

Merlin took a deep breath, felt his ears burn and was so, _so_ glad Arthur couldn’t see his face. “I don’t want you to feel obligated.” He enunciated clearly and then held his breath.

One heartbeat, two… A loud snort signaled his King having finished the processing of new information.

“That’s… it?” Before Merlin could reply, Arthur plastered himself right back against Merlin’s back and rolled his hips pointedly into his sorcerer’s ass. “Does that feel like obligation to you, you idiot sorcerer?” He purred, leaned in and began planting slow, wet kisses over the side of Merlin’s neck.

Merlin groaned, his head falling to the side, giving his King more room to work with. He felt the chuckle vibrating against his skin and couldn’t hold in the whimper.

“May I touch you _now_ , _Mer_ lin?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Merlin breathed, his magic going wild under his skin while his fingers stopped restricting and just… held on, while Arthur’s hand slid into his pants. Merlin gasped at the feather light touch, Arthur running his fingertips over his heated flesh, just… exploring, learning, teasing, and he couldn’t take it. A full body shiver ran through him, and he bucked his hips, chasing Arthur’s touch.

“Someone’s eager, hmm?” Arthur chuckled, sucking deep, languid kisses onto the back of Merlin’s neck, leaving slowly darkening bruises in his wake.

Merlin’s head snapped up to glare at him over his shoulder, his eyes sparkling gold, and a growl tore out of his throat. “Do _not_ tease me, Arthur.”

“Well… Since you’re asking so nicely…” Arthur hummed with a grin and wrapped his fingers around Merlin’s cock tightly, making his sorcerer throw his head back with a choked off yell. “You like that, sweetheart? Hmmm? Tell me how you like it; _show me how to touch you, Merlin_.”

Merlin shuddered, incoherent, his body overloading with pleasure, his mind swimming from the words, and… and then it all stopped. Arthur’s hand stopped moving, his hips putting a fraction of space between them again, and Merlin sobbed.

“ _Show me._ ” His King bade, and Merlin obeyed, helpless against a direct order. Wrapping a shaking hand over Arthur’s, he set a quick, almost punishing pace, his whole body practically vibrating from feeling Arthur - _Arthur -_ touching him.

Arthur groaned, Merlin’s submission going straight to his cock. Unable to help himself, he rolled his hips again, making Merlin gasp and echo his movement, arching his back, so that every thrust would align their hips, would make Arthur slide in between his cheeks perfectly, hindered only by the two thin layers of clothing between them. Arthur rewarded his sorcerer with a firmer grip, making Merlin whine low in his throat and writhe beneath him, making golden sparks crackle over his skin.

“Arth… Arth… oh _sire_ …” A moment later, Arthur felt him come; Merlin’s gasps, Merlin’s falling so utterly, so beautifully apart in his arms, sending him right over the edge as well. With a grunt, Arthur bit Merlin’s shoulder, closing his eyes at the blinding pleasure.

It took them a while to come down from their shared high. When they did and Merlin turned around to face him, Arthur had a minor heart attack at Merlin’s expression – he was… frowning - nose all scrunched up in mild disgust. Before he could inquire into why, however, his sorcerer huffed.

“We are positively yucky. You up for a shower or should I just…?” He wiggled his fingers in the air in demonstration.

Arthur blinked. Then blinked again. And then he collapsed into laughter, before pulling Merlin against him and planting way-too-wet kisses all over his face. At the confused sounds his ministrations produced, Arthur just grinned, snuggling further into the warmth of his lover.

“You do that. I’m going back to sleep for a bit.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, his play at annoyance soothed quite a bit by the huge beaming smile. “Your wish, my command, _sire_ ~”

~x~

“Say, Merlin?”

Merlin let out a questioning hum and sipped his tea. They were sitting on their bench in the Labyrinth and listening to the quiet sounds of nature. Ever since the ‘kitchen incident’ as Arthur had taken to calling Merlin’s latest Darkness related episode, the King was hellbent on staying in reaching distance of his sorcerer at all times. Not that Merlin minded. He treasured each second they spent together. Time left for it was growing shorter with every breath, and Merlin found it harder and harder to let go.

“Gwen’s here. Right? I mean, Gwyneth has her…soul?” At Merlin’s nod, Arthur continued. “So... what about the others? Our men? Our friends?”

Merlin took a sip of his tea. He was stalling, he knew, but… this was not an easy conversation and he was… worried, whether or not his King was ready. It seemed his stalling did not quite work. That, and Arthur really _did_ know him very, very well.

“Stop your needless fretting and just… tell me. Come on, _Mer_ lin. I _can_ make it an order if that’d make it easier.” He added the last bit with a smirk, and relief washed over him hearing Merlin’s snort in response.

“Fine, fine. I’ve… met others throughout lifetimes passed. Some were reborn more than others, some were born in pairs… I… I’ve met Percy twice. Both times with Gwaine. Other times I’ve met Gwaine alone. I ---“

“How many times?” Arthur interrupted him, his tone peevish, and Merlin blinked at him, confused.

“How many times what?”

“How many times have you met _Gwaine._ All _alone_.”

Merlin’s grin was positively smug. “Why sire, is it jealousy I’m detecting in your voice, by chance?”

“So what if you are?” Arthur growled and a quick twist of his hips later, a completely delighted Merlin had a lapful of pouty King.

“Well if that were the case,” Merlin practically purred, his tea forgotten, as he wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist, glee completely open on his face, “I’d say you’ve nothing to be jealous of, _sire_.”

Arthur rolled his eyes, sliding his hands across Merlin’s chest, over his shoulders and behind his neck, his fingers twisting through his hair.

“Please, Gwaine ---“

“Was a friend. Throughout all seven lifetimes that I’ve known him. A good friend. But a friend _only_ .” Merlin breathed the reassurance over Arthur’s lips before taking his mouth in a languid kiss. “You’re jealousy is so cute, however, _sire~_ ” Merlin whispered, nibbling on Arthur’s lower lip, tearing a groan out from his King.

“Chea…that’s cheating, you…”

Merlin chuckled into the kiss, his own eyes rolling back from the utterly delicious friction caused by the writhing man in his lap. His fingers flexed, hands going lower from Arthur’s waist to his ass, squeezing and helping him move faster.

“You started it, if you’d recall…” he muttered, rolling his own hips up, making their very-interested in the proceedings, cocks brush with each motion.

“It’s only fair then… if I finish it too…” Arthur panted before claiming his sorcerer’s lips for his own and speeding up his movements at the same time.

~x~

“Brilliant distraction, I’ll grant you that,” Arthur mumbled into Merlin’s neck after they caught their breaths and Merlin had magicked them clean. “Doesn’t mean I’ll let it drop before you’re done, though,” he finished, making Merlin’s amused chuckle die out quickly. With a deep sigh, his sorcerer leaned back onto the bench, his arms tightening around Arthur’s waist.

“If that’s your wish, sire…” His voice turned clinical then as he listed out the rest of the people that used to be great parts of both of their lives. “I’ve met Gaius just the once, my mum as well… neither of them remembered. Lived out their lives peacefully and fully and that’s all I ever wanted for them, so... Elyan and Lancelot… three times each. Elyan remembered once; Lance, twice. I’ve met Mordred four times. He remembered once. This is Gwen’s eighth life. She’s remembered five times. This time isn’t one of those times. She’s only got… echoes, from what she’s told me. Impressions... Before you ask, no, I’ve never seen your father. I have met your mother, however, twice. She did not remember either time. My Will… seen him five times in total. He remembered three times. Well, two and a half. That one time was… weird.” Merlin frowned, shook his head. “And… yeah, I mean… Who else…” he sighed and Arthur finally raised his head from where he was leaning on Merlin’s shoulder.

“What about Leon? What about… what about Morg…Morgana?” he finished in a whisper and Merlin felt his heart clench.

Then he took a deep breath and steeled himself. “Well, as for Leon… he was never born again, what with considering he never died.” He counted under his breath then. One… two… thr---

“He _what_?” Arthur’s exclamation was so excited, eyes so joyous Merlin felt his heart plummet. “He’s here? Our Leon? He’s alive? How is he alive? Where? Why haven’t I met him before if that’s the case? I want to meet Leon, Merlin!”

Merlin managed a wry half-smile. “Which question should I answer first, sire?”

“How is he alive? Is he like you?” Arthur asked immediately and Merlin snorted.

“Yeah, no. No one is like me. He’s… You remember how the druids saved his life? With the Cup of Life?” At Arthur’s nod, he shrugged sheepishly. “Well, it seems like it did a bit more than heal him. So, yeah, Leon’s been… around. He’s been the only constant I’ve had throughout the ages.”

He shrugged again with a deep sigh and shook his head derisively. “Not that I’ve… Don’t get me wrong, at first, I was glad. But, well, Leon, he… he had done his duty and then. Then he moved on. I envied him, for being able to do that. More than once, in fact. And as the Darkness grew, so did my resentment.”

Arthur pulled away again, a frown marring his features. He stayed seated on Merlin’s lap, but it was obvious eye contact would be needed for this next part. So Merlin gathered his courage and soldiered on.

“He, Leon, he was here. He was staying with me, what with Gwyn getting used to the druid who was supposed to get Bonded with her and… I… I had an episode, Darkness took over and I… I did something to him. Or sent him somewhere. Or… both? Both maybe? Probably? Most likely?”

Merlin was gnawing on his lip, and Arthur pressed a thumb over it gently, pulling the skin free. “Do you have any idea as to the what and the where?” he asked softly, trying to show his sorcerer he didn’t blame him through sheer force of eyeing his very stubbornly lowered head.

His head which snapped up, to fix Arthur with an incredulous stare at the question. “ _That’s_ what you focused on from all of that?”

“Yes, _Mer_ lin, it is. So. Do you?” When Merlin hesitated, Arthur gave him a grin and a wink. “Excellent! This means we’ve a Quest to look forward to. I do so miss our Knight Captain, don’t you? We shall endeavor to fetch him from wherever it is you sent him. As soon as we fix you, that is. Nothing comes before that.”

Merlin’s flabbergasted expression softened, as it usually did whenever his King would speak of ‘fixing him’. “Right…”

Then he froze, his eyes widening in realization, and he gulped loudly. Obviously, Arthur noticed, if his eyebrow raised in question was any indication.

“Um… Actually, there’s a tiny, _tiny_ , mind, possibility, that maybe, probably, there _may_ be someone, who could, mayhaps, know what… um… happened to Leon. Or…. At least, they could have, say, a… a way, of um… finding? Out?”

“Say what now.”

Merlin managed a very awkward chuckle, that came out sounding more like a squeak.

“Merlin. Who.”

He couldn’t watch this. He couldn’t. Merlin closed his eyes. Took a breath. “It maysortakindapossiblybeMorgana.”

Merlin chanced to open one eye just a sliver to check his King’s expression and… there was none. Expression that is. Arthur’s face was a blank mask. Merlin gulped.

“I can… explain?”

~x~

Arthur was no longer on his lap and Merlin’s hand froze in the process of reaching for him, needing to pull him back, to wrap him in his arms and keep him safe from all and any harm. To keep him from hurting. He could see his King’s walls going up and bit his lip.

“Sire?”

Visibly steeling himself, Arthur crossed his arms loosely behind his back. He was still staring resolutely at the pond, his whole frame rigid and Merlin _hurt_. He was being shut out and it… He couldn’t breathe.

“I thought you killed her.” Arthur’s soft murmur snapped him out of his spiraling panic.

“I did. She… she was a High Priestess, in her first life. Only Excalibur was capable of---”

“Not like Leon then.” Arthur interrupted, glancing over his shoulder just long enough so see Merlin nod. “Not like… then… Then she was reborn as the others?”

“Yes. There were times, at first, where she came after me. Tried to kill me. There were other times where she remembered nothing, knew nothing. She was so lost then, so alone… so sad. There were also times, especially later on, when she came to me. We… we managed to mend things between us, eventually. The last time I met her, we were both finally ready to be what we were always supposed to be. I became her teacher, her mentor. I showed her the way.” Merlin let out a deep sigh, and Arthur could hear the smile in his voice then. “I was the one to grant her her priesthood back. She became a High Priestess again.”

“How… how many times…”

“Seventeen.”

Arthur turned to face him then.

“I think… I think I’d very much like it if you would tell me about her.”

Merlin beamed.

~x~

It took a while. By the time Merlin managed to finish telling his King about his sister’s sixteenth life, the air around them was lit by the orbs of soft blue light Merlin had called into existence.

“We really should be getting back. Gwyn’ll wonder about dinner and _you_ haven’t eaten since breakfast as well.” Merlin’s voice held a note of whining in it as he tried, and mostly failed, to push Arthur in the direction of the castle.

“Gwyn’s a big girl and won’t die without you feeding her for _one day_ , you idiot.” Arthur chuckled, amused, and blatantly refused to be moved, even when Merlin employed the Pout. “No. We’re not leaving until you’re done. Come on, _Mer_ lin. There’s only one left, no?”

Sighing, his sorcerer gave in and plopped back down on the bench.

“Yes. Well.” He chanced a look at his King and huffed in defeat. “Oh all right already. She turned up on my doorstep when she was seven. Needless to say, it was obvious something was different this time around. She remembered everything and she sought me out.” He turned to Arthur then, his eyes shining. “She remembered _all_ of it. All of her lives.”

“That’s… that’s possible?” Arthur managed to stammer out, completely overwhelmed. “Sixteen lifetimes… seven years old… oh gods…”

Merlin winced in sympathy. “Yeah… it wasn’t easy. Especially at first. She had been starved and half mad, raving and disoriented… didn’t help that she was also completely alone for weeks before she finally managed to find her way to me. But I took her in, of course I took her in… We finally managed to patch things up completely. I raised her, I trained her and… it was my genuine pleasure to grant her the title of the High Priestess. As years went by, however, we… we began to worry. All that time and still, she hadn’t found her Anchor.”

“High Priestess… she’s powerful then, isn’t she?” There was no fear in his question, no despair, no hate. Just curiosity and, Merlin couldn’t help but smile a bit, worry.

“Yes. She’s very powerful. But she was untethered and, well…”

Arthur sucked in a breath. “It was happening to her too, wasn’t it.”

It wasn’t even a question. Merlin nodded. “Yes. It was our - hers and mine - speculation that the lack of her Anchor was due to the fact that she had lived so many times. Which, while reasonable a conclusion, was not helpful in the least.”

There was hesitation on Arthur’s face, a vulnerability, and Merlin reached out on instinct to twine their fingers together in quiet support. It earned him a small smile, so he counted it a win.

“So… what happened then? I mean… did she… did she go Vo…Void?”

Merlin’s eyes widened in horrified realization and he began shaking his head violently.

“Good gods no, Arthur, _no._ Morgana knew what would happen if she continued to wait, so she, well, we, actually… we came up with a ritual. We put her in a sort of coma, I guess you could say. It has safeguards built in, which will wake her up automatically when one of two things happen, either one, her Anchor is of an appropriate Bonding age or…” Merlin paled as he trailed off.

“Merlin? Or what?”

Merlin gulped. “Oh, crap.”

Arthur’s eyebrow shot up. “That’s… not a thing, is it? Merlin? _Mer_ lin! Wha---“

“We have to go. Now.”

Without listening to anymore protests, Merlin shot to his feet, grabbed his sputtering King and rushed back through the labyrinth.

~x~

When they finally slammed through the door, Arthur was Not Amused. Merlin, on the other hand, was even more pale, if such a thing were possible.

“You will explain, Merlin, and you will explain _now,_ ” Arthur huffed, annoyance coloring his voice. His sorcerer opened his mouth to answer, his eyes rushing around wildly, but someone beat him to the punch.

“Hello, brother dear.”

~x~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plis let me know your thoughts, they give me joy and make me write more <3333


	10.  First Things Second and the Second Things First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry this took forever.  
> also this chapter killed me. without Pelydryn it would have never seen the light of day for i damn near chucked my whole entire laptop out the window on numerous occasions >.>""" so, thank you, dearest, so SO much for all your help and patience <333

~x~

Gwyneth felt her eyes beginning to cross. She had spent the first half of her day studying, meticulously following the plan made by her Teacher, and the second half with her nose buried in an ancient scroll recovered from the Library of Alexandria pertaining to Anchors and the Darkness. She was dead on her feet and all she wanted, truly and deeply, from the bottom of her soul, was to finish her lovely cup of tea and then eat something that hadn’t been microwaved.

Thus determined, she put the scroll down, grabbed her cup and left her chambers in search of her Teacher and the King.

Instead of dinner and a relaxing debate about one thing or another, however, Gwyneth walked smack into the middle of what could only be framed as a Something.

_ “Hello, brother dear.” _

Gwyneth had no idea who this was. This absolutely magnificent creature, standing in the middle of their hallway, looking for all intents and purposes like a Queen overlooking her long-missed kingdom. Well. She had a Suspicion. But, there was just _no_ way that that could be… No. No way. Gwyneth shook her head at herself and opened her mouth to ask as to what was going on. And then she Noticed. 

A deathly silence that had followed the greeting of the woman before them quickly evolved into tension in the air that was thick enough for Excalibur to slice through. Merlin was frozen beside his King, his fingers clenched around Arthur’s wrist in a bone-crushing grip, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

Arthur, for his part, was frozen too, his eyes glued to the one before him, drinking her in. There was nothing in the world that could have torn his gaze away. Merlin looked like he wanted to turn to his King, to see his reaction, gauge his response, but could not, and if the tense shoulders were any indication he  _ was _ trying, but for the life of him just couldn’t  _ make his body move.  _

Gwyneth, in the meantime, was busy worrying her lower lip with her teeth, eyes running anxiously between the two men she cared for with her whole heart and the woman that she, however subconsciously, had dubbed as potentially ‘dangerous’.

Gwyneth saw how neither man could take his eyes off of her. Noted that  _ she _ , on the other hand, seemed to only have eyes for the Once and Future King, ignoring Gwyneth’s Teacher with an ease of eerie familiarity. 

The young druid had no idea what to do. She had not been prepared for whatever this was. And it  _ was _ something, that was the one of the very few things Gwyneth actually  _ was _ certain of. The woman, whoever she was, was magic. And powerful magic at that. Not quite Teacher levels of powerful, there was no one powerful like  _ that _ , but power was rolling off her in waves - it was dizzying. Gwyneth bit her lip.

A few more eerily motionless moments later, the King caught Gwyn’s eye. With only a quick gaze to his side and a nod, he told her what he wanted her to do. Gwyneth had to admit she was more than relieved for some direction at this particular junction. While she was still very much unsure about, well, anything that was going on, she had come to know Arthur. Had come to trust him, just like she trusted her Teacher. That implicit trust was the only reason she decided to obey his silent command.

So with as steady feet as she could manage, she went to her Teacher, gently pried his hand off of the King and coerced him into moving. He had opened his mouth at that, most likely to protest her treatment of him, but with a gentle nudge to his lower back from his King, he huffed, rolled his eyes and went with Gwyneth. He did, however, send the mystery woman an ‘I’m watching you’ look before rounding the corner. 

Gwyneth put the cup of the tepid tea she’d been drinking into his hand. She took his other hand and led him into the kitchen where she sat him down and told him to ‘breathe and just give them a moment’. While she was still feeling a bit weary and had conflicted emotions about their guest, she could see the worry in the eyes of her Teacher. Whoever this woman was, she was important, that much was beyond clear.

Merlin, after polishing off her tea in a few quick gulps, had informed her that if not the world, then he, at least, would be absolutely lost without her. Gwyneth had kissed his cheek and refilled his teacup. And then they sat there. In the kitchen. And they waited.

She, far more patiently than him. Merlin was a ball of nerves and anxiousness and it  _ showed _ . Gwyneth could not recall an instance where she’d seen him quite so agitated. Having taken barely a sip of his tea, her Teacher had sprung up to his feet and began to pace, gnawing at his lip in worry.

A moment later, his fingers were dragging through his hair as his eyes darted to the door and back to the table again. His pacing did not slow. Gwyneth sipped her tea thoughtfully and refrained from commenting.

~x~

Arthur knew he should say something. He tried. Opened his mouth and everything. It’s just… words wouldn’t come out. In his defense, however, it wasn’t like she was faring any better. After the awfully, painfully, familiar greeting, she hadn’t so much as breathed too loud in his direction.

And so there they stood. In the middle of a hallway. Looking at each other.

Something had to give.

Soon, too.

And then it did.

Arthur took a deep breath. “You’ve cut your hair. I think I like it.”

She let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. Then he smiled, and while shaky, it was still a smile, and then he opened his arms, which while trembling were still open. And then he was hugging his sister, the same, and yet different seventeen times over.

~x~

“Sit. Down.”

He sat. He stood back up, beginning to pace again, eyes glued to the open door to the hallway. “Hasn’t it been long enough yet? Just how much time does a greeting take, I ask you?”

“Sit. Your ass. Down.”

He sat. “And why can’t we hear anything, you’d think there’d be screams if ---“

“Teacher, you know I love you to bits, but I swear to all the gods, if you stand up one more time…” Gwyneth was losing her patience fast. Dealing with a fretty Teacher she could handle. Easy. Dealing with a fretty Teacher on an empty stomach? Not so much. At least, not for much longer. As if hearing her dark thoughts, her stomach rumbled in agreement.

With a frustrated huff, Merlin stayed on the chair. His knee bouncing, however, was off the scale. “I’m just… I mean I knew, I  _ knew _ , but, then again, I suppose I just didn’t think that’d she… and so  _ soon _ and I mean… We were  _ just _ talking about her and... I’m just…”

“An idiot.” A new voice sounded in the kitchen, and two heads whipped around to look as the King and the High Priestess entered.

“Now now, Gana. Stealing words isn’t nice.”

Gwyneth blinked. Then blinked again. “Gana? As in,  _ Mor _ gana?” The eyes she turned to Merlin were very, very large. When her Teacher nodded, her jaw dropped. “Oh holy… but then again… it…actually makes sense! Oh my goddess!”

Jumping from her seat and rushing to the High Priestess, Gwyneth ignored the bemused-looking King completely and just beamed at the other woman.

“I’ve heard so much about you! I just  _ knew _ we’d meet one day, oh the Teacher told me so much, but I’ve still  _ so _ many questions and ---“

She continued to babble while the woman before her just stood there, looking overwhelmed by the onslaught of the word vomit Gwyn had unleashed.

Arthur used her distraction and slunk over to the table where Merlin was still seated. Now that everyone of import was there, Merlin had lost any desire he had to stand again.

“Hey.”

The sorcerer blinked at the softly-spoken word, eyes finally tearing away from his students to land on his… dare he? Yes, yes he dare. Lover. There, it was out there now. Not said aloud, but there nonetheless. Something warm and soft and fuzzy unraveled in his belly, and Merlin damn near purred at the sensation.

“Hey yourself. We heard no screaming. That’s… encouraging?”

Arthur let out a low chuckle. “Are you asking or telling me?”

Merlin scrunched up his nose and barely managed to not stick his tongue out at his King. “Both? Neither? I don’t know.”

At that, Arthur frowned. “Hey. You okay?” he asked, moving closer, nudging Merlin’s knees apart so he could get closer and running his hands over his sorcerer’s arms until he reached his shoulders. His thumbs began rubbing absentminded little circles over Merlin’s jaw, and a soft smile began pulling at his lips when he saw Merlin’s eyes flutter closed at the touch.

With a huff, Merlin seemed to shake the wooziness Arthur’s touch induced and blinked his eyes open. “I’m… I don’t know. I guess… that depends.” At Arthur’s inquisitive hum, his eyebrow rose. “Well, are  _ you _ okay?”

Instead of answering, Arthur leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “I’m ---“

“About damn time. And, also, I missed a  _ lot _ , huh? Damn, I did not think you two would get your shit together without some Serious Interference. Was it you, sweet flower? Was it you who finally smushed them together until they stuck?”

“Gana…” Arthur groaned with a roll of his eyes. “Must you? We were having a Moment here, you know…” He winked at Merlin before finally turning to face his sister. “Always were a meddling little harpy, weren’t you…”

Morgana rolled her eyes with much more flare, before waving him out of her way.

“Hush,  _ Artie _ .”  _ Artie? _ Merlin mouthed and there was the tiniest hint of a blush on his King’s cheeks at that. “You’ll have many moments more, I’m sure. Now let me at him, I haven’t seen my Teacher in far too ---“ Her words cut off sharply, as she finally managed to force her way past Arthur and get to Merlin.

Merlin, who finally stood up and gave her a smile. A smile that wavered against the fierce concentration of her gaze, but held. For the moment.

“Hey there, Petal. Long time… How was your nap?”

Morgana took a shuddering breath and sighed deeply before throwing her arms around his neck and enveloping her Teacher in a bone-crushing hug.

“Oh, Teacher… How could you let it get this bad?”

Arthur saw his sorcerer tremble in his sister’s embrace and exchanged a worried look with Gwyn. Before anyone could say anything in reply to that, however, Morgana huffed, pulled away and very subtly wiped her eyes off.

“No matter. I’m here now. It’ll all be okay. Obviously. We will figure this out and fix it. Yeah?”

This time, Merlin’s smile was far less forced. “Indeed. I feel better already.”

Morgana preened. “Of course you do. I’m the High Priestess of the Old Religion, I’m wicked strong.”

“Meaning?”

She turned to Arthur and raised an eyebrow in question.

“Meaning what, exactly? You being here is going to fix his Darkness? He’s fine now?”

Morgana winced; there was just so much hope in her brother’s eyes, so much despair in his voice. She was loath to hurt him further. Thankfully, she didn’t have to be the one to do it.

“No. No, I’m not fine. But it helps. Morgana’s magic is truly strong and she’s been my student for a… long time, so… It helps. Arthur, it’ll grant me more time. Not much, but some.”

She watched her Teacher step around her to move to her brother’s side like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like it was the only place he’d ever want to be. She saw her brother move with her Teacher, completely in sync. Making room for him by his side. With a start, she realized that it  _ was _ the most natural thing for them. For the both of them.

“Well then. I think I’d rather like to go move back into my chambers, if that’s all right?” she asked, moving out of the kitchen already. “Come now, sweet flower, you’ll help me. Also, Teacher? I feel like tikka masala tonight.”

Merlin’s laughter followed them out of the kitchen and into the corridor, making Morgana smirk contentedly. She was there. The King had returned. There was still time to fix her Teacher. It’ll all be okay.

She looked down at the inside of her wrist and watched as the veins there ran black beneath her skin. She pulled her sleeve down and sped her step. There was still time.

~x~

It was after they were done with breakfast the next morning. Morgana had gone to lie down for a spell, citing ‘still not having finished adapting to being awake after so long.’ Gwyneth went with her, her eyes filled with worry. And Arthur found himself alone with his sorcerer. He spent a moment watching him wash the dishes, by hand, which still made  _ no _ sense to Arthur whatsoever, but whatever.

“What is it?” Merlin sounded amused and tossed a quick grin over his shoulder at Arthur’s inquisitive hum. “You’re boring holes in my back with all that staring.”

“Maybe I just enjoy watching you work for once,  _ Mer _ lin.”

Merlin straight up laughed at that and flicked water off his fingers at Arthur as he turned. His King made a face but still quickly wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist, effectively trapping him between the sink and his body, preventing him from continuing with the dishes.

Merlin’s smile waned when the serious expression on Arthur’s face registered.

“What is it, sire?” he muttered quietly, resting his palms against Arthur’s chest, his fingers drawing small, soothing circles over the soft fabric of Arthur’s shirt.

“Are you mine, Merlin?” the King asked in a whisper, and Merlin took a shuddering breath.

“You know I am. Always and forever.”

Arthur hummed and nuzzled under Merlin’s jaw, making his breath hitch.

“And am I yours?”

Merlin bit his lip. “I don’t know,  _ sire _ , are you?” His question was barely above a whisper too.

Arthur huffed. “Idiot. How many times do I have to say it? How many more times before you finally believe me? I’m yours, Merlin. Always and forever.”

Merlin kissed him then. How could he not? It was soft and warm and gentle, and,  _ gods, I really am a girl sometimes, _ it drew tears to his eyes. It was hard to pull away. Arthur was not one to give out emotions so freely. And the kiss he was granting Merlin now was  _ all _ emotion. Merlin trembled, felt his eyes sliding shut. He did not want to stop this kiss, not ever. 

Yet.

“What is this about?” he mumbled against his King’s lips and felt more than heard him sigh.

“I… I’m just wondering. I… I  _ am _ your Anchor, am I not?”

Merlin froze. Arthur saw his expression close off and cursed.

“Don’t do that, Merlin, gods damn it all, do  _ not _ shut me out. Not with this. Not now.”

Merlin winced and tried to untangle their bodies, but Arthur held firm. After a few moments of futile struggling, Merlin huffed and finally met his King’s gaze with his own.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s too late for that. Gwyneth had the right idea when she called upon the Lady of the Lake. The only course we have left right now is you putting Excalibur through my chest.” Arthur scoffed, and Merlin’s hands cupped his face, gentle but firm, forcing eye contact again. “No, Arthur, you  _ have _ to hear this. I know you don’t want to. But you have to, okay? Please.”

That caught his King’s attention.

“I… I’ve not asked for many things from you, but I will ask this. And you  _ will _ grant it to me. Won’t you, my King?” he asked softly, his fingers rubbing soothing little circles over Arthur’s jawline.

“It’s idiotic, Merlin, what do you think? Also. How come it’s me, anyway?”

Merlin blinked at the unexpected segue, and, very intelligently, went with, “Huh?”

Arthur wanted to feel vindicated – Merlin wasn’t the only one who knew how to Distract and Divert, but instead… the old green thing was waking up beneath his breast, making it difficult to rejoice in his win.

“There’s been so many others. You’ve _had_ so many others. Friends, acquaintances, _lovers_. Certainly, there were one or two candidates for it?” He knew he sounded bitter. And spiteful. And he couldn’t help it. The mere thought, the mere recollection of other people’s hands on _his_ sorcerer, and Arthur saw red.

“…Um… I don’t think you understand quite how this whole Anchor thing works, sire,” Merlin said biting his lip, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

Arthur huffed an annoyed breath. “Like there’s all that much to understand. I’ve read all there is to be read about it. It’s not rocket science,  _ Mer _ lin. As long as you find someone who’s  _ compatible _ enough with you...” His hands clenched tighter where they were still holding Merlin’s hips. There was also a muscle twitching in his jaw.

It shouldn’t have been… by all rights, it definitely  _ should not _ have been hot. But, Merlin found, licking his lips, as he stared into the stormy eyes of his lover, jealousy looked  _ beyond _ hot on his King.

So hot, in fact, that after casting a quick tendril of his magic out to make sure the girls weren’t anywhere near their location, Merlin reversed their positions in one quick move and pressed a startled Arthur against the counter.

“Your distractions will not work.”

Merlin was pleased to note that his King’s voice did not sound quite as strong as was, undoubtedly, intended. And then he slid to his knees before him in one fluid motion, and Arthur’s voice cracked.

“ _ Mer _ lin…”

Merlin’s hands landed on Arthur’s knees and then moved slowly up his thighs, a smile spreading over his lips in a way that promised Things.

“Yes,  _ sire _ ?” Merlin’s voice was a silken purr, his fingers making quick work of undoing Arthur’s fly, making his King’s breath hitch. After pulling his cock out, Merlin leaned in, nuzzling the quickly hardening flesh and letting a soft moan leave his mouth. Arthur cursed. “Should I stop?” He blew hot air along the shaft, all the while keeping eye contact with his lover.

“Don’t…” There was an audible gulp, “Don’t you dare.”

Merlin’s grin was positively wicked.

“Your wish, my command…” He dragged his tongue over his lower lip slowly, and Arthur groaned, his hand trembling slightly as it rose to card gently through Merlin’s raven locks.

“Menace…” Arthur muttered, affection coloring his voice, and then inhaled sharply when Merlin adjusted his grip and ran his tongue all over his length. He twirled the tip of his tongue over and around the head of Arthur’s cock, savoring the taste of his King, his eyes fluttering closed in bliss. “Absolute… menace…”

Merlin opened his mouth, enjoying the slow stretch to his lips as he took his King in, and both men moaned at the sensation. Merlin wanted to prolong it, wanted to see his lover absolutely wrecked, devastated by his need for him, but then again, he  _ did _ recall where they were so.

“Arthur,” he gasped as he pulled off.

“Hng?”

Merlin smirked, his hand picking up the slack, while he placed sloppy wet kisses up and down Arthur’s cock.

“ _ Ar _ thur…” He paused, giving him a moment’s reprieve to focus, and used his free hand to grip Arthur’s wrist and guide his hand to rest more firmly in his hair. “We don’t have much time,  _ sire _ ~”

The look in his sorcerer’s eyes was liquid sin and Arthur was reduced to wordlessness.

“C’mon, I know you want to,” Merlin hummed before sitting back on his haunches, closing his eyes and opening his mouth wide in clear invitation.

With a choked off sob, Arthur moved, using his free hand to feed his length into the willing mouth of his lover slowly. Merlin’s hands wound around his thighs, urging him on, and after carding his fingers through Merlin’s hair again, Arthur began to move.

He started out with shallow thrusts, unwilling to push too hard, unable to even fathom hurting his sorcerer, but only a few minutes in, Merlin was making impatient noises and using his hands to pull his King in deeper, faster, hurling him closer and closer to the edge.

Arthur groaned, his control fraying, but the expression of pure bliss on the face servicing him soothed his worries.

“Well, if that’s how you want it… then… by your leave.”

Merlin’s eyelids fluttered open and there was such adoration in his gaze, such absolute trust in his King, Arthur damn near came right then and there.

Needless to say, whatever was left of his control was gone then. His hips sped up, movements growing jerky, fingers convulsing in Merlin’s hair,  pulling just this side of painful , making him moan around the cock in his mouth.

“ _ Mer _ lin--- I’m---“ Arthur tried to pull away, but Merlin made a soft humming noise, his hands tightening on the back of Arthur’s thighs, and Arthur felt his orgasm slamming into him like a truck. “Oh,  _ sweetheart _ ,” the King breathed, his heart pounding in his ears, while his whole body threatened to dissolve into a puddle on the floor.

Merlin pulled off carefully, making sure to catch every last drop on his tongue as he did. He looked as wrecked as Arthur felt – all glazed-eyed, messed up hair and ruby-bright lips. Arthur slid to the ground, his back to the counter, reached for his sorcerer and pulled him to straddle his lap.

He took Merlin’s mouth in a bruising kiss, tasting himself on his tongue, coaxing a whimper from his lover with a nibble to his lower lip.

Arthur felt him tremble against him, ran his hands over Merlin’s thighs, a soothing gesture, peppered kisses over his jaw.

“What do you want, love, tell me.”

“ _ Touch me _ .” It was almost a sob, and it made Arthur grin; he absolutely loved it when his sorcerer was reduced to desperation. As his hand slid over Merlin’s covered cock with a barely there touch, his lover threw his arms around his neck, collapsing onto his chest. Arthur felt his lips against the skin on his neck when he spoke, could hear the whine in his voice. “ _ Please, Sire _ .”

And, well, who was Arthur to deny such a request. Especially after having been pleased so gloriously. It only took a few strokes, when he got his hand into Merlin’s pants, his sorcerer so wound up from pleasuring his King, for him to shudder and gasp his release into his neck.

After a while, when their brains finally decided to resume functioning, Arthur chuckled. Merlin, still collapsed all over him, hummed inquisitively into his neck.

“I was just thinking… You’re escalating your distraction tactics. I was just wondering what ---“

Merlin snorted. “Twasn’t a tactic. Twas you being all… jealous.”

Arthur bristled. “I was  _ not _ \---“

“Twas fine. Twas hot. Talk later. Nap now.”

Arthur, who just sat there, his jaw on the floor, blinked. Then blinked again. Then took inventory of… well, them. “Um… Merlin?”

A soft snore was his only answer.

“Well, then… nap it is I guess.” With a huff of laughter, the Once and Future King maneuvered his snoozing sorcerer in his arms, got to his feet and sent a silent prayer to any gods that were listening for free of snooping females corridors, before booking it straight back to their chambers.

~x~

After the more than satisfying nap, which was spent curled up together in their bed, Arthur and Merlin woke rested and ready for the company of the girls. A quick scan with Merlin’s magic gave them direction and only a few minutes later they were coming up to the Sun Room where the girls were having a break from all the research they had been doing while the men… Rested.

“…so thank you, sweet flower, truly, your offer is beyond generous, however…” They heard Morgana heave a deep sigh before continuing. “It just would not work.”

“Maybe not for long, but as a short term solution…”

“What are we solving?” Arthur charged right into the conversation, while Merlin scrambled to try and catch up.

Morgana huffed. “I see what little tact you had was left in Avalon, huh, brother dearest.”

Arthur, the peak of maturity that he was, promptly stuck his tongue out at her.

“ _ Children _ .” Merlin tried for reprimanding, and missed by about a mile, his amusement too apparent for all. They valiantly ignored it. “I echo the question, however.”

“Your student, no, not me, this precious darling here – she… She offered to become a temporary Anchor for me.”

Merlin gasped. Arthur gaped. “She can do that?” He twirled to Gwyneth then, “You can do that?! Can anyone do that? For anyone? Why haven’t you done it for Merlin then? How---“

“Arthur. Calm down. Breathe.” Merlin’s hand on his arm was grounding, Arthur noted not without a hint of irony.

“Wow.” Was all Morgana managed, and Merlin turned to her with a grin.

“I know, right? Come now, let’s all sit, is there tea?”

As they all got comfortable and Gwyneth handed him a cup of tea, Merlin took a sip with a grateful hum and turned his head towards his King.

“Yes, she can. Yes,  _ very _ technically speaking, anyone could.  _ However _ ,” --- he narrowed his eyes when it looked like Arthur was opening his mouth to interrupt --- “there is a reason why that is not done. Number one, souls that are not compatible… fray, if anchored. I could explain in greater detail, but, trust me when I say, it is never a pretty sight. Nor does it end well. For either soul. Ever. Number two, even as a temporary measure, an Anchoring is… complicated. While it is true, that it can help balance out the Darkness and… help keep it in check, for a while, it would no doubt also take a heavy price.

“In this particular case… Gwyneth, sweetling, I understand why you offered. I do, truly, but it would not work. Morgana is  _ old _ \---“

“Hey!” Another glare and the mouth of yet another Pendragon snapped shut.

“And she is powerful. She is the High Priestess of the Old Religion. Little druid, your journey of self-discovery, of studying is just beginning.”

“She’s too weak for the bond to help for long,” Arthur concluded with a sigh, and Merlin nodded. “Which, of course, means that if she’s too weak to help Gana, helping you is beyond out of the question… and Gana can’t help you because she’s…”

Arthur turned blazing eyes to Merlin and saw his sorcerer flinch. “No temporary bond can help her. She needs her Anchor. And she’s not contaminated by her Darkness nowhere near as much as you are, which means ---“

“Means nothing. Means we need to find her Anchor. Means we need to find them  _ fast. _ If I were stronger, I could help sustain her, like she’s helping sustain me just by being close to me, but, as you so aptly put… I’m pretty much gone at this point.”

“Well that settles it then. We do… the thing and then you can sustain her until we find whoever it is that’s supposed to Anchor her. Do we have any idea of who that might be? Any clue at all?”

Merlin’s glare this time was met with a blank stare. “We are  _ not _ doing anyThing. As to Morgana’s Anchor…” he sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “As I told you, we tried, but…”

“Actually… about that…” Three pairs of curious eyes went to a sheepish looking Morgana. She bit her lip, crossed her arms across her chest and visibly steeled herself. “I know who it is.”

Her statement was met by silence that could kill it was so deadly. Finally, a couple of minutes, that seemed to stretch for an eternity, later Merlin spoke.

“Who.”

Morgana flinched. That was  _ not _ a tone she enjoyed hearing directed at her. “I… If I tell you… Teacher, you have to promise you won’t be mad.”

Merlin blinked at her, surprise written all over his face. “Why would I be mad, Petal?”

Morgana groaned, hiding her face in her palms. “Because I’ve known for… I’ve known for a very long time, and he has too, but I was just so ashamed to tell you and---“

Arthur exchanged a quick look with Merlin then. “He? Why’d you be ashamed of your Anchor, Gana?”

“Not  _ of _ him! Don’t be foolish, Arthur. I… I would have been honored… but…” she took a deep breath and looked straight into Merlin’s eyes. “He rejected the Bond.”

Gwyneth’s sharp gasp and Merlin’s wounded exhale had Arthur clenching his hand, searching for a weapon on reflex. Anyone who made his sorcerer look  _ that _ pained needed to get acquainted with the pointy end of Excalibur pronto.

“Oh, Petal.”

Before Arthur’s murderous thoughts could develop any further, Merlin was across the room, enveloping Morgana in a fierce hug.

“I’ve got you, Petal.”

And that seemed to be the last straw for his once fierce and unshakeable sister. Collapsing into her Teacher’s arms, Morgana choked out a sob and then just… seemed to break. It was a devastating sight to witness. And a beyond horrible thing to hear. Arthur felt his own heart breaking into pieces from the sheer agony that was pouring out of her. His only family left. His sister. Seventeen times over. 

Arthur tried to go to her too. Wanted, desperately, to soothe her somehow, to help, to share her pain at least. But he didn’t know how. He had never been taught how to deal with such emotion. With  _ any _ emotion, for that matter.  _ Princes do not cry. _ His father’s voice echoed in his ears and Arthur felt his hands clench into helpless fists. He wanted to run, to take blade to something. To make the one who caused such sorrow in his sister pay.

He couldn’t move. All he could do was stand there, and watch, helpless, as his sorcerer enveloped his sister in warmth, kindness, love and family. So he stood. And he watched.

It took a while, but finally, the sobs subsided and when Gwyneth tentatively offered Morgana a steaming cup that smelled strongly of chamomile, she even managed a small smile in thanks.

Arthur went up to her, where she was still snuggled in the safety of Merlin’s arms and crouched, reaching for her hand and getting ridiculously relieved when she squeezed his fingers.

“Gana? Do you think you’re up to telling us now? I know it’s hard, but, you’re not alone in this, okay? Let us help. Please, Gana, let  _ me _ help.”

Morgana sucked in a trembling breath, reached up and gently carded her fingers through her brother’s hair.

“I… I don’t deserve you, little brother,” she whispered with unhidden awe in her voice, and Arthur felt too floored to fight the blush that stole over his cheeks. Morgana gave him a soft smile, but then her expression hardened. Another deep breath, one last sip of chamomile and… “Leon. My Anchor is Leon.”

~x~   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments feed my soul. please feed it. it is starving. o.o


	11. One Step Forward...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the thank yous to the most incredible Pelydryn for the beta as usual - you are Amazing and Beyond Words Wonderful and thank you. just. so much.
> 
> so. here we go. another chapter o.o  
> i hope... i hope you like o.o'''''

~x~

It took a while for that news to settle.

Arthur was the first one to recover. “Makes sense, when you think about it.” At the incredulous looks all around him, he shrugged. “She’s lived seventeen times, while he’s never stopped living. She’s learned through painful trial and error, he’s learned through experience and patience. Even during the years in Camelot, his steadfastness was perfect to balance out her easy sparkage.” He shrugged again. “I’ve no trouble seeing it.”

Morgana let out a very un-ladylike snort. “That’s just… so like you, Artie.”

“Don’t call me that, you harpy.” Arthur scowled without any heat, and Merlin looked like he was forcibly holding himself back from kissing said scowl away. Then his eyes widened with a strike of a thought and he gasped.

“Oh! Oh but that’s… actually, good news.”

“Teacher!” Morgana bristled in his arms, and Merlin nuzzled the crown of her head soothingly.

“Hush, Petal, hear me out. As I was telling Arthur, Leon is… um…”

“Gone,” Arthur stated, blunt as you please. “Merlin has misplaced him.”

At Morgana’s unbelieving expression Merlin coughed sheepishly. “Yes, well. I  _ also _ thought that you could help us find him. I  _ was _ hoping that your connection through Camelot would be strong enough a link, what with you two having known each other for years while there, but now that I know him to be your Anchor… I’ll be able to whip up a ritual of sorts, it’ll help us find him and bring him back safe. From… wherever it is I managed to put him. Sorry, Petal.”

“But he refused me. I didn’t even know he was gone… will it still work?” Her voice sounded so vulnerable, so hurt… Arthur swore that the first thing he was going to do after hugging his Knight Captain would be punch him straight in the face. Meanwhile, he refocused on the conversation.

“…not an issue, I don’t think. Refusing a bond, while damaging, does not destroy the connection unless it’s mutual. And, from what I can see, well, you never did, did you, Petal?”

Arthur made another mental note to find out what was up with the whole ‘Petal’ business.

“No, no I never rejected him. I couldn’t. I did try once or twice but…” She shrugged. Merlin nodded, face filled with understanding.

“Well that’s perfect then. We’ll draw on your soul to find his and then we’ll pull him to us. Or, well, go get him. Whichever turns out to be easier I guess.”

“ _ After _ we get done with the thing.” Arthur stoically ignored Merlin’s scowl and turned to face his sister with his Most Serious Face. “I’m sorry, Gana, truly, but he’s so much worse off than you are and---“

“No no, I get it, no apology necessary. But, what ‘thing’ are you talking about, exactly?”

“Anchor Bonding ritual,” Gwyneth piped in, speaking for the first time in a while.

Morgana blinked. “Between…?”

“Merlin and me,” Arthur stated in his firmest no-nonsense tone.

“ _ Ar _ thur.” 

His sorcerer started, voice filled with exasperation, but Arthur was well and truly Done tm with his objections. “Shut up,  _ Mer _ lin. We’re doing it.” He should have known, however, that it would not be quite that easy; after all, Merlin always did love to be contradictory on sheer principal.

“No, we’re not, I told you it’s too dan---“

“Yes, we are, this is  _ not _ up for discussion, I---“

“No, we are not ---“

Morgana and Gwyneth exchanged a look in the background when Arthur and Merlin’s bickering began gaining both speed and volume.

“Would you like something to eat, my lady? They’ll be at it for a while.”

~x~

“…too late! Even if you understood it completely and  _ were  _ willing it’d---“

“And I’m telling you I do and I  _ am _ so ---“

“I cannot believe they’re still at it. It’s been at least a few hours.” Morgana sounded vaguely impressed as she sipped her vodka martini.

Gwyneth snorted into her gin and tonic and curled up in a more comfortable position in her armchair. “Yeah one thing they can do on a professional level is bicker.”

“One thing I’m actually glad did not change.”

“How come?”

Morgana smirked. “It never gets less amusing.”

~x~

“…hurt  _ you _ and---“

“… _ my _ damn choice---“

“You know what, I’m done for the night. I think I'm going to just turn in now and tell them the plan tomorrow. Walk with me, sweet flower?”

Even as the two women stood up and left the room hand in hand at a leisure pace, the arguing of the King and his sorcerer carried on after them.

~x~

Morning found Arthur bleary-eyed and Merlin sporting a scowl. Still, they woke up cuddling, so not all hope was lost. Not that  _ that  _ was acknowledged. Morgana rolled her eyes. Honestly, she could sorta understand her little brother, but Teacher? He’s had literal lifetimes and yet… She sighed and shook her head – apparently he’d up and reverted to the brat he used to be back in Camelot. Well then. Morgana was nothing if not Pendragon Stubborn TM . If it was up to her to get them on track, that was exactly what she would do.

Exchanging nods with Gwyneth, she refilled Arthur’s coffee cup and handed Merlin his third tea.

“Now then. Since you two have  _ finally _ joined the land of the living and the mostly awake, here’s how this is going to go.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. Merlin was opening his mouth to speak, but Morgana beat him to it.

“Nuh-uh. You had your chance while I snoozed. I’m here now and I need your help and you can’t help for shit until we get you sorted, so guess what, we’re getting you sorted.”

Merlin blinked. “Look, Petal, I ---“

“No. I heard all your arguments a dozen times over. Literally. And I am not convinced. So you are going to finish your drinks and then you’ll follow us to the Pools and we’ll have your Anchoring Ritual after you finish your Cleanses. And that’s final.”

“Fine.” Merlin practically spat as he shoved himself to his feet. “If you feel this strongly about risking his life absolutely  _ needlessly,  _ who am I to object. You guys take him to the pools, I’ll meet you there. The supplies---“

“Are already taken care of, Teacher. I’ve collected everything this morning,” Gwyneth told him with a soothing smile, making him falter.

“The robes?”

“By the Pools,” Morgana drawled with a smirk.

“The dyes…?”

“Hand-mixed by me, personally, just last night. And, before you ask, Gwyneth did the salts too. So. We’re all set. All that’s left is you and Artie here, getting ---“

“What are we waiting for then. Lead the way, Merlin.” Arthur smirked while downing the last of his coffee and stood, nudging his sorcerer’s side with his elbow gently.

Looking like he very much wanted to continue objecting, Merlin heaved a sigh and moved anyway, the determination in his King’s eyes apparently halting anything he still could say.

~x~

The Pools turned out to be hot springs in the middle of yet another garden. Hot springs. How cool was that? Arthur couldn’t help but admire all the, frankly impossible, things that his Merlin’s magic had achieved over time.

“If you’re quite done with the gawping,  _ sire _ , we should get this over with.”

Arthur had a scathing retort at the tip of his tongue, but then he refocused on his sorcerer and it died on his lips.

Merlin looked tense as a bowstring, his lip bitten near raw, his fingers fidgeting without his conscious thought.

“Hey.” Arthur stepped up to him and rubbed his hands over Merlin’s arms gently. “It’ll be fine. I trust you.”

Merlin’s eyes looked tortured as they rose to meet his. “But what if it’s not? Arthur, this could  _ hurt _ you. Seriously hurt you. As in, hurt you dead kind of hurt. And I wouldn’t be able to stop it. If anything,  _ anything  _ goes wrong during the Ritual I won’t be able to do anything. Do you understand? I can’t---“

“Merlin, stop. I know all this. You’ve told it to me over and over again. Hey, no, look at me. There you go. That’s better. Now, what did I say after you told me the first time?”

Merlin’s voice was barely above a whisper. “That it’s your choice.”

Arthur nodded solemnly, his hands still on Merlin’s arms, steadying him, grounding him. “And the second?”

“That it’s your choice.”

“And all the other times?”

Merlin finally huffed and rolled his eyes, the corners of his lips twitching upwards a bit. “That it’s your godsdamned choice and who am I to take it from you.”

Arthur grinned. “Who indeed. So. Now that we’ve established that doing this is, in fact, help me out here,  _ Mer _ lin, whose choice, again?”

Merlin kissed him. Short and sweet. “Prat.”

“If you two are quite finished.” Morgana interrupted drily, and then grinned and it looked sharp - Arthur felt a sense of dread before... “Clothes off.”

“… Say what now,” Arthur gawped, and Morgana looked like she was restraining a gleeful cackle. Barely. 

“Clothes…”

“Cleanse is bathing, we can’t get into the Sacred Pools clothed,” Merlin explained with a patient smile, and watched the peevishness bleed out from Arthur’s face. “Also, there’s robes. So, you know, we’re not getting out completely naked.”

“Well that’s nice, considering my sister’s  _ right here _ .”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Yeah well, so is my daughter, so you know. You’re not the only one suffering,  _ sire _ .”

Gwyneth giggled, while Morgana just snorted waving them both off. “Oh please, you don’t have anything I haven’t seen before, I assure you.”

Arthur shuddered and was about to retort, so Gwyneth, obviously not in the mood of another match of bickering beginning, stepped in.

“If everyone’s ready then? Teacher, we prepared the Altar just over there. The candles and the dyes are in place and I left the salts on the edge of the Pools so… I think everything’s ready.”

Merlin smiled at his student and stepped up to Arthur to help him with the robe. “Thank you, little druid. I… I was wondering, actually.”

Both women gave him the same questioning looks, and Arthur bit down a smile watching his sorcerer struggle to force down an embarrassed blush.

“Would you mind staying nearby? Say, by the path? In case… well.”

“Say no more. We’ll be right over there.” Morgana motioned to the bench a short distance over, and Merlin gave her a grateful nod.

“Wait, so they’re  _ not _ staying here?” Arthur asked with an excited grin and preened when Merlin rolled his eyes at him, smiling fondly.

“Obviously not. This is  _ our _ Anchoring. The only witnesses we’ll have will be the gods.”

~x~

When the girls were out-of-sight and  _ mostly _ out of earshot, Merlin took a deep breath and turned to his King, who, in a very pro-active mood, had already finished undressing. Well, mostly. He was still wearing his boxers, thank the gods. Not that the sight of him, all bathed in golden sunlight and backdropped by a steaming hot spring wasn’t already extremely distracting.  _ Focus _ , Merlin scolded himself as he shucked his clothes off in short order too.

“Now what?” Arthur’s voice was soft but serious. Only the slightest tremor betrayed his nerves.

“Now, I finish unwrapping my King and we take a bath,” Merlin said, his tone teasing, as he hooked his fingers under the elastic band of Arthur’s boxers and gently pulled them down his legs. Arthur took a step closer and returned the favour.

“I know I said I read all there was to read about these things, but you’ll still have to guide me,  _ Mer _ lin,” Arthur hummed against his lips, only a breath away. Merlin couldn’t help his body’s reaction to the proximity, knew his pupils were dilating, knew his King saw it happen, if his licking his lower lip was any indication. Merlin forced down a shudder, a sharp breath forcing its way into his lungs. 

“Don’t. Or I will not be held responsible for my actions, all Rituals be damned.”

Arthur chuckled at the growly threat, but nodded his acquiescence. With both of them refocused, Merlin led him to the Pools, where he picked up two clay bowls filled with herb-smelling salts and handed one over.

“What’s in here?” Arthur asked curiously, catching Merlin’s elbow automatically when his sorcerer wobbled as he tried to get in the Pools.

Merlin helped Arthur get in as well and then hummed as he sniffed his bowl.

”Himalayan salt. Blue Sage. White Sage. Rosemary. Woodland Sage---”

“I think it’d have sufficed to say there’s a lot of sage in there,  _ Mer _ lin.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “You did ask, you prat. There’s also Juniper and ashes of Palo Santo. These are all herbs and, tree, in Palo Santo case, used for cleansing of bodies, spaces and spirits. Usually, one type of Sage would be enough…” He shrugged. “I guess Gwyn didn’t want to risk it though. Can’t say I blame her.”

Arthur snorted, nodding. “Better safe than sorry. I can get behind that. So. Now what?”

“Now I say a few words, light the bowls on fire, then we pour the salts in, and submerge ourselves completely.”

“For how long?”

Merlin blinked. “I… I honestly have no idea. Until we feel cleansed I guess? Look, it’s not like I’ve done this before, all right? I’m playing this a bit by ear, so just… you know… bear with me?”

“Hey.” Arthur cupped Merlin’s nape and gave it a squeeze. ”Breathe for me, love. It’s going to be okay. You hear me?” He smiled when Merlin nodded. “Say your words then.”

So Merlin took a breath, blinked with golden eyes setting their bowls alight and spoke. “ _ To the Three we offer three – Salt of Earth, Herb of Life and Fire of the soul that’s burning bright - for bodies of Star Dust that are woven, Cleanse us o’ Waters of Sacred Three and let us born be anew.” _

Arthur blinked. That… that was  _ not _ English. Yet. Yet he understood. It wasn’t any language from the language Orb that Merlin had him learn as soon as  _ he _ learned that Arthur had been getting by with the translation charm Gwyneth had procured for him as soon as he had stepped out of the Lake. No it was… it was the language of the Old Religion. He had no clue how he knew but he did. He blinked again. Huh. Curious. Wrong time for contemplation, however. So Arthur refocused on his sorcerer and followed his lead at pouring the burning salt into the waters.

As soon as all the salt was poured, the waters began bubbling. They did not get any hotter though and Arthur felt relief – the hot springs were hot enough already as it was.

With a quick look and an even quicker nod, both men took a deep breath and went under the bubbling water of the springs.

After what could have been a minute or an hour, they were both standing again, gulping mouthfuls of air and grinning at each other.

“That wasn’t so bad. If that’s the worst of it, I think we---“ Arthur began cheerily, but Merlin scowled at him.

“Do  _ not _ jinx this, Arthur. Come now, off to the Altar we go. This was the easy part.” Pulling on his robe he handed Arthur his and led the way to the clearing that housed the Altar that Gwyneth and Morgana had prepared.

The waters of the pools bubbled behind them. They were black.

At the Altar Merlin stopped and just breathed for a moment. Arthur could see the tension in his sorcerer’s shoulders and craved to touch him, reassure him, offer  _ some _ measure of comfort, but he stayed put, knowing better. Merlin had explicitly forbidden any physical contact starting after leaving the Pools.

He stood on the other side of the Altar and watched his Merlin battling with himself. While he was busy collecting himself, Arthur took the time to take in the Altar that was between them. The base of the structure appeared to be made out of solid white stone. It was large too – the base part reached up to their knees and had the diameter wide enough to hold not only the five orange candles but the marble bowl filled with twirling dyes as well. All in all, it was rather beautiful. In an unmovable, ancient and permanent sort of way.

A few moments later, Merlin raised his head and gave his King a shallow nod – he was ready. Moving as one, both men shed their robes and let them flutter to the ground, never breaking eye contact.

Taking a deep breath, Merlin stuck the pointer and middle fingers of his right hand into the dye before pulling them out and touching the tips to the center of Arthur’s forehead.

_ “Triskele for the Triple Ones,”  _ he began in the tongue of Old Religion, and Arthur couldn’t help but marvel at the beautiful cadence his voice took.

Merlin’s fingers moved over to hover over Arthur’s mid-section. With a breath, he drew a rune there : “ _ Thurisaz, to invoke the change and catharsis we seek.” _ He then leaned over the Altar to reach behind Arthur, after dipping his fingers in the bowl again : “ _ Algiz, to shield us and protect us during our union.”  _ He leaned back, and with a final dip of his fingers into the bowl, reached for Arthur’s heart : “ _ Ehwaz, to invoke the partnership between us two.” _

Arthur felt a light buzz begin beneath his skin and couldn’t help the warm smile it drew to his lips. Seeing it made Merlin smile too, even if his was more strained than warm.

With a silent huff, Arthur reached into the bowl and echoed Merlin’s previous actions. Triskele on the forehead, Thurisaz on mid-section, Algiz on the nape and Ehwaz on the heart. He did not speak the words, but Merlin had said that it was not necessary and so the King wasn’t worried.

Once he was done, Merlin held his hands, palms up, over the Altar and Arthur placed his, palms down, on top of his sorcerer’s. As soon as their hands made contact, the candles placed on the Altar took flame.

“ _ I invoke the Triple Ones to guide us on our way. I invoke the Triple Ones to help the balance stay. I invoke the Triple Ones to heal the broken threads and sew them true. Oh Triple Ones, invoked be, and as I say, so mote it be.” _

The air seemed to shimmer more and more with every word Merlin spoke. Arthur gasped as his palms began to heat. He could taste lightning on his tongue.

His eyes snapped to Merlin’s and he was mesmerized – his sorcerer’s gaze shone gold. The rest of him, however, seemed to be… sucking any light there was  _ in. _ Merlin was being bathed in shadowy darkness, blacker than coal sparks bouncing off his skin.

The longer he chanted, the more sparks there were and the less light surrounded them. Arthur was opening his mouth to… to yell? To warn him? To  _ something _ . But then he saw Merlin’s eyes widen in horror, felt his hands being torn away as his sorcerer was flung through the air and away from the Altar, and before he could so much as take another breath everything went dark and Arthur knew no more.

~x~

Arthur felt like he was waking up underwater. It was  _ not _ a fun feeling. He tried opening his eyes. And yeah, nope, the world was very much spinning. Eyes went back to closed. Better. There were sounds too. Arthur strained to focus on hearing what they were.

“…hurt! Do you  _ not _ see the blood?! Not to mention the lack of consciousness?!”

_ Ah, that’s my sorcerer. He sounds absolutely distraught.  _ Arthur frowned. That wouldn’t do. He tried to open his eyes again. One at a time for now. A blurry figure came into focus. Then another. And another. One was pacing.  _ That’s mine, _ the King thought happily, taking care to note that his sorcerer seemed to be okay. Physically at least.

“Oh it was just a little nosebleed, calm down, Teacher. He’s had much worse throughout the years _. He’s _ not the one who got flung through the air and slammed into that ancient oak tree.”

Arthur knew that voice. That was his sister speaking. She sounded worried. Arthur redoubled his efforts to make it known he was, in fact, conscious.

“I’m fine.”

Arthur frowned again. His Merlin sounded…  _ wrong _ . He couldn’t quite put his finger on how, but…

“And it doesn’t matter anyway.”

There was a sigh and a strangled ‘Teacher!’ and Arthur tried to sit up. His body did not move.

“It  _ doesn’t _ . My sweet girls… Don’t you see? It failed. The Anchoring failed. So, what difference is there whether or not I’m fine? I’m dead already. Just… You have to make sure he’s all right. I… I have to go now… I need a moment, yes? Yes… Just for a while look over him yes? Good, good, you girls will keep my King safe while… I… I need to just… yes…”

Arthur did  _ not _ like that tone. Nor those words. Nor the fact that his sorcerer was clearly no longer in the vicinity. With monumental effort, Arthur sat up, blinking the blurriness away through sheer force of will.

“What happened,” he rasped out, rubbing a hand over his eyes and gulped when another wave of dizziness rolled over him at seeing the two women rushing at him.

“Artie! How are you feeling? Does anything hurt? Teacher poured a frankly ridiculous amount of healing magic into you and we cast a few spells as well, just in case, but…”

“Calm down, Gana, I’m… fine. I think. Merlin?”

Gwyneth shook her head ruefully and wrung her hands when he attempted to stand. “Physically he’s okay… but… I don’t think he’s fine at all. He was ranting at… well, not us… and there were black sparks all over and, oh, Arthur…” She couldn’t contain them anymore, and Arthur watched, his heart clenching, as tears started falling freely from her eyes. It reminded him, yet again, just how young his Merlin’s daughter still was.

“Oh, Daisy… c’mere, darling, I got you,” Arthur muttered softly, and Gwyn curled up in his arms gratefully, quiet sniffles being all that was left of her outburst.

“I’m worried, Artie.”

Arthur nodded solemnly and bit down a sigh. “I know. Me too. Which is why I’m going to go after him immediately.” He tried to push up from the ground with the arm that wasn’t currently wrapped around Gwyneth and felt the world tilt. With a huff, he collapsed right back to the mossy garden’s floor. “Just as soon as my feet begin cooperating again… Why the hell didn’t it work though? I don’t understand. It seemed to be going well at first…”

Morgana sat down and waved a hand for him to continue.

“We followed the procedure, yeah? First the chant with the bath, asking for the cleansing and easy rebirth and what not ---“

“Wait, how’d you know?” Morgana interrupted, her voice tilting incredulously, and even Gwyneth raised her head and eyed him curiously.

Arthur blinked. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, how did you know what the chant was about? Did the Teacher tell you beforehand? It’s not like he was chanting in English, right?”

Arthur smirked. “Nope. Tongue of the Old Religion. Beginning to end.”

Gwyneth gasped. “But, how…”

“I understood.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Actually, I  _ did _ wonder about that, but considering what happened after, it didn’t seem too relevant.”

“Too relevant? Didn’t seem too relevant? The understanding of a language you’ve not been taught, ever, did not seem too relevant to you? Honestly, Artie, only you…”

“Oh stuff it, you harpy,” Arthur muttered while testing his range of motion by rolling a shoulder. “Honestly, I just assumed it was because I’m his Anchor.” At the very doubtful pair of looks he was receiving, Arthur blinked. “What?”

“Yeah no… I don’t think that’s all it is… Usually… I mean…” Morgana started, stopped. Then gasped, her eyes wide and excited as she turned to Gwyneth. “You don’t think---“

Gwyneth echoed her gasp. “Oh do  _ you _ ?! I mean… it  _ does _ sound like ---“

“Oh but that would mean---“

“Yes yes! And then ---“

Arthur frowned. Following a conversation that was half spoken and half flailed about excitedly was hard enough on a good day and now, considering he was still reeling from the botched Bonding, simply put? He had minus three in patience for any of this.

“Girls.”

“… and I mean---“

“Girls.”

“… so right, but then again ---“

“ _ Girls.” _

“…thinking that---“

“Girls!” The King finally roared, so completely done he didn’t even feel sorry for the flinches his yell caused. “Explain. And keep in mind that my brain is a bit more scrambled than usual, yes? Small words. To the point.  _ Please _ .”

The “please” did it. Morgana blinked, exchanged a quick glance with Gwyn who nodded all excitedly and then took a deep breath.

“We think you’re Soulmates.”

Arthur rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers and swallowed down a frustrated sigh. “I’m his Anchor. I thought that already meant I was---“

Morgana was shaking her head before he could finish. “Not quite. An Anchor is someone who a sorcerer’s soul recognizes as equal. As someone fit to balance them out. To reign in the Darkness. So I guess some people do call Anchors soulmates. Just because it’s, well, quite literally, a mate of a sorcerer’s soul.

“What you and the Teacher are, however… I’ve… I’ve only heard about such bonds. There have only been, um… three instances, I think?” At Gwyn’s nod, Morgana continued, “Yes, so, three instances in history, of confirmed soulmates being born. According to the legends, during the creation of all things, there was a lot of Chaos in the world. The species that lived on Earth had no idea how to govern themselves.

“They had no true purpose or goals and well… The Creators soon saw that that would not work for long. So, the Gods created the Guardians. They weaved the fabric of All Things into being, creating souls, who were fit to watch over the creation. Someone who could be neutral. Who could take care of the fumbling races without interfering with them too much. Who could nudge them along and protect them when needed.

“At first, there was only one Guardian. The world was small, after all. But as it grew, so the need for Guardians did too. And so, the Gods weaved more souls. Whether by accident, or by design is unclear, however these souls seemed to be drawn together. Always in pairs. They balanced each other, yes, but more than that… they…”

“They completed each other,” Gwyneth took over, her voice gentle and soothing and Arthur felt himself relaxing, getting absorbed in the tale. “They were so in-tune they had no need for speech; some iterations of the legends say they were telepathic, sharing thoughts and images straight up, some, that they simply just… Knew each other. Others, yet, say that their  _ souls _ could speak to each other, could feel each other through great distance, know when the other was happy or sad. Know when the other was near.”

Arthur took a sharp breath. “ _ Oh _ .”

“Artie?” Morgana’s hand on his arm snapped Arthur out of his thoughts.

“Can it be blocked?” he asked in a rush, and the women blinked in surprise.

“Um… We wouldn’t know… there’s not much information about soulmates, brother dear… mostly, it’s just the legends and they’re… not exactly, you know… exact.”

“Why would you ask?” Gwyneth inquired gently, and Arthur gave half-a-shrug.

“It’s been harder to feel him lately. I just assumed it was because of the Darkness growing, but now I’m beginning to think he might be blocking me on purpose and---“ He saw them gape at him openly and forced a smile. Well, he attempted a smile. He did not think he quite managed to succeed. “Yes, so consider this me agreeing with your assessment. Also, I’m assuming this would be the reason why the Bonding didn’t work?”

Morgana gave a thoughtful hum and nodded slowly. “Might be… a simple Anchoring wouldn’t be enough to bond soulmates. I mean, even if you were regular soulmates, but your situation is so damn unique in and of itself, I…” She shook her head mournfully. “I’m sorry, little brother. Bonding you two will take much more than a simple Anchoring.”

“But it  _ can _ be done?”

Before he could get any kind of answer, however, Arthur felt a  _ lurch _ . He knew that feeling. It was a familiar feeling. He hadn’t felt it since… with a bitten off curse, he jumped to his feet, powered through the whooziness that assaulted him and reached his hand out, just in time for his fingers to close around the pommel of Excalibur, which had just materialized in mid-air.

“What the fuck!” Morgana screeched and usually, usually Arthur would have turned to her with a scowl and a reprimand. Now, however, was not a usual type of situation.

“He’s tried to  _ what _ ?!?” Arthur growled, expression turning thunderous as he kept his eyes on his, still glowing slightly, sword.

“Arthur, what’s going on?” Gwyneth tried for calm and overshot by a mile, her voice resembling a shriek more than a little.

“My idiot sorcerer has just tried to take his own life,  _ that’s _ what’s going on,” Arthur rumbled, his grip on his sword tightening. “Thank the gods, Cali here is more sensible than he ever was. My good girl, yes you are. Where is he, Cali? Right. Well, let’s go then. We’ve a sorcerer to flay.” He turned to the two absolutely flabbergasted girls and gave them a grim smile. “I’ll see you two later. In the meantime, figure out what ritual or spell or whatever else is needed for me to Bond with that Blasted Idiot.”

With that, he stormed off, Excalibur sending soothing glowing bursts up his arm as he went.

~x~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are food and i am starving x"DDD  
> xoxoxo


	12. Milestones of Necessity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you, Pelydryn, as usual, for your outstanding quality work on fixing my disaster of writing x"DDDD i'd be lost without you. <3  
>   
> and thank you Sunfall, my Dearest, i find you and your insights invaluable <3
> 
> sorry for the short chapter - i just... Needed... yeah. moving on. hope you like?  
> xoxo  
> p.s. i finally managed to LINK in the notes???? omfg. please check them out, them be the Great Authors, read, enjoy, scream at them.

~x~

Arthur was fuming as he stomped quickly and loudly (yes, loudly, he was angry, so sue him) through their castle.

“What the hell was that idiot thinking,” he huffed under his breath and was not surprised when an exasperated sigh was his reply.

_ Probably that that was his only option if he wanted to keep you safe. Well, that and the world. Though I doubt the world’s his priority right now. Not that it ever was where you were concerned. _

Arthur snorted, the corner of his lips twitching up. “You’re not helping, you do know that. Right?”

A far too satisfied giggle met his words.  _ We’re almost there. _

Arthur rolled his eyes, “Yes, thank you, I’m aware where our chambers are located.”

Before any more talking could be done, he was standing before the door and contemplating whether he was quite angry enough to kick it in.

The door, as if sensing his dilemma, helpfully opened on its own, saving him the trouble. Arthur entered, his eyes zeroing in to the still figure on the windowsill on instinct.

His sorcerer was sitting there, looking out the window and petting a small falcon in his lap absentmindedly. He didn’t turn as Arthur approached.

“I can’t even feel her anymore.” At Arthur’s inquisitive hum, he continued, “The falcon. She flew in to say hello but I…” He sighed and Arthur  _ hurt _ . “I can’t feel her. I can’t even feel the Earth. As soon as our Bonding… backfired it’s like… Goddess, I can barely feel  _ you _ anymore. It’s time, Sire.”

Arthur flinched at the tone Merlin used. It was… not a good tone.

“Is that why you did it?” he asked instead of acknowledging… yeah, moving on.

“Did it?”

Arthur scowled - this subdued, quiet Merlin was  _ wrong _ . This whole blasted situation was wrong, and he wouldn’t stand for it any longer.

“Yes. Did  _ it _ . The whole attempt to kill yourself thing.”

Merlin didn’t even flinch at the acid in Arthur’s voice. Just hummed noncommittally. “How’d you know?”

With a snarl, Arthur grabbed his shoulder and turned him around using, in hindsight, slightly more strength than probably needed. The falcon let out an indignant squawk and flew off with a glare over her shoulder, and honestly, a bird, glaring at him. That was a new kind of a low for Arthur.

Merlin, on the other hand, didn’t even seem to notice the sudden departure of his feathery friend. “Oh. There it is. I was wondering where it went after searing my hand and disappearing.”

“You’re hurt? Show me!” Had he been thinking rationally, Arthur would have realized it couldn’t have been  _ that bad _ , but, well, botched bonding, scrambled brain, his soulmate trying to kill himself; rational wasn’t exactly on the menu for Arthur at the moment. His hands were shaking where they were running all over his warlock searching out injuries.

“Hey…” Merlin stopped the frantic patdown by taking Arthur’s hands in his gently. “I’m fine. It was just a mild burn. It got healed almost as soon as it appeared, I promise.” Seeing that Arthur wasn’t anywhere near convinced, he let go of his hands and showed his own, palms first. “See?”

Arthur took him by the wrists, examined his palms carefully and then pressed slow, trembling kisses all over first one hand, then the other. “You have to stop scaring me like that… I… Merlin I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you.”

_ That _ made his sorcerer flinch.  _ Good _ , Arthur thought savagely, rubbing his thumbs over Merlin’s pulse points on his wrists in soothing little circles. Still, a flinch does not a reformed man make.

“You… I know I don’t ever say it enough, but you must know, right? You mean everything to me. You’re my world, Merlin. I…” He took a shuddering breath and locked eyes with his sorcerer. “I love you.”

The sound that escaped Merlin then couldn’t really be classified. Not that Arthur was all that interested in doing that when only a second ,if that, later, he had his arms full of his sobbing lover.

“I’m --- so --- sorry --- Arthur, oh --- so --- sorry ---“ Each word was punctuated with a kiss on a different spot on Arthur’s face. He didn’t mind.

“Never do  _ anything _ like this ever again,” he muttered instead and then sealed their lips together. The kiss tasted of salt and sorrow and Arthur never wanted it to end. Who needed air anyway? 

Soon, however, very much against the King’s best wishes, they had to part. He looked down on the kiss-red, glistening lips of his lover and leaned right back in. But a hand gently placed on the middle of his chest stopped him.

“We…” Merlin bit his lip, shook his head, sighed. Tried to push away. Arthur didn’t let him. “This doesn’t change… I still… Arthur would you  _ let go _ \---“

“No. I let go and you bolt. Don’t even attempt to deny it.”

“Arthur…” Merlin’s voice shook, tears streaming freely down his face as he tried to get himself under control. He took a deep breath and kissed Arthur again. And then again. He pulled away from the third press of their lips with an annoyed sounding huff. “Why isn’t it working?” It didn’t seem like he meant for the question to be spoken aloud.

Yet.

Arthur, who had been rather relieved at receiving kisses, froze upon hearing it, his expression turning stony.

“And what, exactly, were you trying to do, hmmm, oh sorcerer mine?” At Merlin’s wince, Arthur’s expression turned thunderous. “For you were not just attempting to use magic on me. Of that thing, that  _ one _ thing, I am most certain. You’ve, after all, given me your word. You’ve sworn an oath, haven’t you,  _ Mer _ lin? To never, ever use your magic against me.”

“Arthur…” Merlin shook his head mournfully, “You don’t understand, I was just… You’d have just slept for a bit, just long enough for me to---“

“It seems to me,” Arthur interrupted him, his tone glacial, “That you could benefit greatly from renewal of said oath.”

Merlin was shaking his head again, not in protest, more in utter befuddlement, but Arthur paid him no mind, simply took a step back and nodded to his sorcerer.

“On your knees.” It was barely above a whisper, but it sounded louder than the clashing of thunder in Merlin’s ears.

Between one blink and the next, his knees had given out and Merlin found himself looking up at his King from the floor at his feet.

“Who has your fealty.” Arthur didn’t phrase it as a question. He was confident he didn’t need to.

“You do,” Merlin breathed without a moment’s pause, and Arthur felt the iron grip around his heart loosening a tiny bit.

“Who has your magic,” he continued in the same leveled tone.

“You do.” Again, there was no pause, no hesitation. Merlin’s eyes never strayed.

“Who has your life.” Arthur’s voice would not waver, gods damn it all, it would not.

“You do.” Merlin blinked, and a lone tear made way down his cheek.

“Who do you belong to wholly and completely,” Arthur forced out, still keeping his Kingly mask firmly in place.

Here was hesitation. A pause. A bitten lip. Arthur’s expression did not waver. Nor did his voice when he next spoke.

“Who do you belong to, Merlin.”

Tears spilled down from his sorcerer’s eyes again. “You.” The word tore out of him on a sob and finally, finally Arthur’s expression softened.

“How long.” It was said softer than any other question cum demand that came before.

“Always and forever. I’m yours always and forever, my King.” The capitulation shone fully and completely on his face.

Arthur was kneeling before him then, cupping his face with his hands, wiping his tears away with the gentlest of touches. “Try Soulmate,” he muttered before sealing their lips together yet again. Merlin felt like a statue under his touch. Clearly, he needed a Moment to Process. Arthur pulled away, feeling the need to look his sorcerer in the eyes as he stressed this next part.

“You are my Soul, my idiot sorcerer. Whenever you so much as think of hurting yourself, you’re hurting  _ me _ too. So, that’s your whole plan of doing this for my sake straight down the shitter.”

Merlin shook his head violently, his whole body trembling under Arthur’s touch. “No. No, no, it’s not possible. Soulmates… they don’t exist really, they don’t, I…”

Arthur hummed noncommittally, and pet his sorcerer’s hair soothingly. After Merlin’s rant ran out of steam, Arthur huffed and spoke again. “I understood it, you know,” he continued seemingly in a completely random direction, “The chant, during the Bonding. I understood every word. And I felt you, I felt you even back then. Back in Camelot. Granted, until like, ten minutes ago I had no idea  _ what _ it meant, but, Merlin, I  _ felt _ you.”

“All this time… Soulmate, you say?” Merlin breathed, and Arthur nodded, a weary smile on his face.

“Soulmate.”

“Holy fuck,” Merlin concluded succinctly, and Arthur couldn’t help but agree.

~x~

It took a while for Merlin to calm down completely and finish processing everything. Arthur didn‘t mind. As long as his sorcerer didn‘t attempt anything too idiotic – namely, at this point, anything that took him out of Arthur’s immediate arm-reach, Arthur was good with it. So there they sat, backs against their bed, Arthur’s arm wrapped securely around his sorcerer, while said man gazed into the distance.

Finally, with an almighty huff, Merlin seemed to have forcefully unfrozen his stony limbs and glanced at his King from the corner of his eye.

“You still haven’t explained the rest though.”

“Hmmm?” Arthur inquired distractedly, listening to Excalibur monologuing with one ear.

“Why didn’t it work? I had no issues using your sword before.”

“Oh that.” Arthur gave a thoughtful hum and nodded at Excalibur, who promptly winked out from existence from beside him.

Merlin gaped. “What just happened?!”

Arthur shrugged one-shouldered and bit down a smirk, threatening to explode over his face. “Cali got bored with your catatonia and left to… I’m not sure, exactly, do whatever it is she does when she gets bored.”

Merlin’s jaw fell open even more, if that were possible. “I… But… How…  _ She _ ?”

With a huff, Arthur turned to face him, while still keeping firm hold on his person, and gave him a reassuring (he hoped) smile. “Okay, I see this needs explaining.” At Merlin’s incredulous ‘gee, you think?!?’ look, Arthur rolled his eyes and continued. “When I died,” he squeezed his sorcerer’s hands at his wince, “and you sent me off, you didn’t send me alone. You sent Cali with me. She kept me company all those years. We… well, it took time, but eventually, we bonded. She’s fun, loyal and protective. Too bad she couldn’t do shit against those damn Sidhe, but then again, she kept me sane  _ and _ they couldn’t touch her so… there was that.”

“I still don’t get it,” Merlin said, frowning.

Arthur snorted. “That’s just because you’re an idiot.” Ignoring Merlin’s indignant sputtering, Arthur shrugged again. “Cali would never harm you. She  _ was _ a sword that  _ you _ took up. You, a Dragonlord, reforged her,  _ remade _ her in Dragonfire. She’s a soul forged in Dragonfire, you utter dumbo. She’s a  _ dragon soul _ . And a dragon…”

“…would never harm a Dragonlord…” Merlin breathed, understanding finally flashing in his eyes, followed but sheer joy a second later. “I created a dragon!”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Would you like to meet her? Properly, this time?”

The look of absolute joy on his sorcerer’s face melted his heart a little.

“Yes!” Merlin beamed, and Arthur had to forcefully remind himself that he was, in fact, a King, and Kings did  _ not _ swoon like utter maidens.

~x~

“…choice do we have?”

“We… I don’t know. But we keep trying. I mean there  _ has _ to be someone who knows something, right? Hell, at this point I’d take anything, I just… Ugh!”

A loud slam following the frustrated voice of his sister made Arthur speed up his step. His sorcerer, still beaming, was fast on his heels.

“I – have made a dragon!” Merlin exclaimed as soon as they stepped foot in the library, making Arthur roll his eyes, and the two women blink in surprise.

“Say what now?” Gwyneth was the first to recover, while Morgana just kept blinking.

“Merlin finally met Cali properly, long story, tell you later, for now however – what do you have for us?” Arthur poured out in one breath, earning himself a scowl from his sorcerer.

“Sure, steal my thunder, what else is new… prat.”

With herculean effort, Arthur refrained from whacking his lover over the head. Instead, he nodded to Morgana, who, in turn, shook her head at him sadly. Seeing his face fall, Morgana’s lip trembled as she took a shaky breath.

“I’m so sorry, brother dear… we’ve contacted anyone we could think off… no one knows anything about the Soulmates Bonding Ritual…”

Gwyneth sighed, stuck an errant curl of hair behind her ear and huffed. “Best we can figure, it might be the basis for the HandFasting Rituals of old, combined with the Anchoring Ritual and… something else. All we have are the vaguest of vague rumors  _ about _ rumors! It’s all so… frustrating!” She scowled at the table that was buried under the plethora of books and scrolls and post-it notes. “It’s just been so damn long since an actual pair of Guardians has been born… No one remembers anything. We tried.” She finished in a whisper, before collapsing into a chair and burying her face in her hands.

Arthur crossed his arms and felt his jaw lock with despair – to see them, the most stubborn women he knew, this defeated? It was a blow. Before he could manage to figure out how to boost their morale, however, his sorcerer hummed and spoke.

“So basically, what you’re saying is, there’s simply no one alive who remembers? So all we need then is to summon someone who will.”

Morgana snorted, her eyebrow raised in an eerily Gaius-like fashion. “And just who might that be, Teacher?”

“Easy,” Merlin gave her a blinding grin, “The Goddess, obviously.”

~x~

The cacophony of voices was mildly disorienting, Arthur had to admit. Considering all four of them were then speaking together. Well, all right fine, shouting, more like. Still, it wasn’t like he could just…stop.

“…kidding me?”

“…mean the Triple ---“

“…who else---“

“…another idea---“

“…dangerous, isn’t it?”

“Enough!” Merlin exclaimed finally, and, to surprise of everyone else present, they all did, in fact, manage to shut up. “Listen, I know how this sounds, but, as you yourselves have said, you’ve tried everything else, correct?” The girls nodded.

“Merlin.” Arthur didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t need to. Merlin turned to him and his face turned gentle.

“It changed things,” he started softly and stepped up to Arthur, raising his hand to cup his cheek, “The fact that we’re Soulmates. I cannot  _ not _ fight for us now. But, Arthur, we’re out of time. You know that.” As if to strengthen his words even more, a pair of black sparks ran over Merlin’s neck and disappeared into his hair. “Give me another option. Any option.”

Arthur stayed silent. Merlin leant in and gave him a slow, reassuring kiss.

“Trust me, if there was another option, I’d take it. I’ve exactly zero wish to talk to the Goddess.”

“Just… we need to be careful, yeah?” Arthur asked and immediately frowned at the sheepish expression on his sorcerer’s face. “ _ Mer _ lin. What.”

“You’re going to stay here with Gwyneth and Petal while I do this.”

“Like hell ---“

“Arthur, listen to me. This is not a monster. Or an evil sorcerer, or an enemy army. This is a literal Goddess of Creation. You may be the Once and Future King, but you  _ are _ still, mortal. Petal.” He nodded at Morgana, who gave him a stiff nod back. Turning back to Arthur, he gave him a small smile. “I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”

“Mer---!”

And he was gone.

Arthur took a deep breath. Closed his eyes. Took another deep breath. Turned around.

“Just so we’re all on the same page here – as soon as he comes back? I’m killing him.” Receiving no objections, he nodded and huffed out another breath. “That’s it, though. What  _ is _ it with the whole Petal thing? I  _ need _ to know.”

~x~

Merlin looked around – the room was ready. There were gentle guitar notes filling the air making the atmosphere lighter – as were the sun rays falling through the open window and creating a soft and relaxing vibe. There were fluffy pillows thrown artfully all over for lounging, and a low table was almost breaking under the weight of all the snacks it held. The only thing missing was The Drink.

Merlin took a deep breath. Then cracked the egg, adding it to the rest of the ingredients in the shaker. And then he started to shake.

~x~

Arthur was pacing. Two pairs of eyes were following his progress with increasing frowns.

“You know… this’ll probably take Teacher a while. Why don’t you sit down?” Gwyneth tried, watching Arthur anxiously.

“She’s right. Sit down, brother dear,” Morgana grinned. “Didn’t you say you wanted to hear the Origin Story of my nickname?”

That gave the King pause. Plopping down on the chair before her, he waved a hand in the universal ‘proceed’ motion. Morgana’s grin grew.

~x~

Godsdamn Her and Her bloody tastes. Merlin shook his arms out, trying to get the feeling back into his limbs.  _ Ramos Gin Fizz  _ was an absolute bitch to prepare. It was also, coincidentally, the only drink  _ She _ drank. Merlin bet it was purely out of spite. No one had managed to convince him otherwise as of yet.

_ No no no, my precious falcon, fifteen minutes you shake, no more, no less. Just like my dear Carl used to make. _

Merlin scowled at the memory, slapped the shaker open and poured the drink into the tiny glass.  _ Now _ everything was ready. Merlin took great care to place the drink on the table and then stand back, before crossing his arms behind his back and opening his mouth to chant.

~x~

“When I first stumbled to the Teacher's door, in this last lifetime I mean, I was seven. I… I had started to remember around the time I was three or four I think.” Morgana saw Arthur flinch and gave him a smile. He took her hand in his over the table. When she continued, he did not let go.

“Needless to say, by the time I found him, I was… Broken. More than half-mad. Frightened by everything and anything that so much as breathed in my general direction. All that chaos, all that horror, all that betrayal and the deaths... Good goddess, brother… So many deaths… It all took a toll.” She took a shuddering breath, and Arthur gave her hand a gentle squeeze. She squeezed back.

“Teacher, he… He tried everything, you know? Talking, drawing, musical therapy, animal therapy… When nothing seemed to help, he created a garden for me. It was a magical place, and I do mean that quite literally. The flowers that grew there were… Different. Unlike anything I’ve seen before. In any lifetimes... They were  _ not _ from anywhere on our Earth. Heavens, it’s been lifetimes, yet I’m still not quite sure where he got those things from.” Morgana gave a soft laugh and shook her head in apparent disbelief.

“They soothed me, however. I’d spend countless hours outside, sitting amongst the blooms.” The way she smiled at the memory made Arthur smile too.

“I’d cry when they died. Because never would the same flower species bloom twice. Something about him not wanting me to get bored I think? But when he saw my tears, he gave me my first blank album, so that I could save my precious petals forever. I’ve filled over what, fourty, fifty of those albums over the years?” 

She finished smiling, and Arthur hummed. “Thus, Petal.”

“Thus Petal.” Morgana nodded, obviously proud, whether of her nickname or of her successful distraction however, was unclear.

“He still has them, you know,” Arthur noted as he stood to stretch.

“My albums?” Morgana asked with obvious interest, her eyes beginning to shine when Arthur nodded again.

“I’ve seen the filed bookcase, I just figured they were photographs or something. I’ll---“

Before he could finish, however, there was a slight tremble in the air and between one blink and the next, Merlin was standing before him.

~x~

“So… You don’t look… dead.”

Merlin winced at his King’s tone. Boy was he in trouble. Still, whatever Arthur may come up with will pale in comparison of what would have happened had he taken him with him to meet…  _ Her _ .

“Before you decide how you’d like to yell at me and what you’d like to toss at my head first – I’ve got us the Ritual,” Merlin told him with a hesitant smile and watched his King’s eyes widen in disbelief and then, slowly, a delighted grin stretch over his face.

“Yeah?” he asked softly, and Merlin nodded, as he stepped closer, straight into arms that opened up for him immediately.

“Yeah.”

There was excited screaming going on in the background, but neither man paid any attention to it.

“So you’re  _ not _ going Void then?” Arthur still looked concerned, and Merlin  _ burned _ with need to kiss him.

_ No turning back, my precious falcon, do explain it to your King, yes? _

“If we do the Ritual, then no. But, Arthur, there’s things you need to know first, it---“ 

He was being kissed then, however, and the kisses tasted of such joy and such relief, that Merlin knew, just knew that…

“Don’t care --- Doesn’t matter --- We’re doing it --- As soon as we can --- Now? Can we do it now? --- Now’s good,” Arthur was muttering into his mouth as he continued to kiss him, and Merlin… Merlin gave in. Into the kisses. Into the Feeling his King was bathing him in. Into the excitement he could feel coming from their two girls behind them.

_ Last of your kind. Until the end.  _ Her voice echoed in his mind. Merlin found he didn’t care. He had his King. He had his daughter and his student. He had Her blessing. They had the Ritual. Details would work out. They had to.

So he kissed his King back. And for once, there were no black sparks marring his skin.

~x~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are what keep me going. plis. tell me things. screams are also an acceptable currency here. *hoards all the words that come her way*  
> xoxoxoxoxo


	13. Together as One, Together for Always, Together Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i bow before the glory of [Pelydryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pelydryn/pseuds/Pelydryn) as always, for outstanding beta work.  
> and all the thank yous to [Sunfall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunfall_of_Ennien) for listening to my unending whines as i banged my head against the wall while trying to make this Just Right.
> 
> i apologize for the delay - my brain got distracted by the [ABO](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24953965) i just sorta... Had to Write o.o 
> 
> i hope you Enjoy~ The End is Near now :DDD  
> xoxo

~x~

It took them all a while to calm down to a manageable degree. When they did, Arthur shuffled them all into the kitchen, made them all drinks, (yes yes, even your grass water,  _ Mer _ lin, there you go) and plopped them around the table for the Interrogation cum Explanation.

Still, he at least had the decency to wait until everyone had managed a couple of sips before turning to his sorcerer.

“Spill.” It came sounding like an order. Arthur didn’t care. He needed to Know so that they could get it over with already. Seeing his lover getting tortured, getting more and more exhausted, and being unable to do anything to help was grating on him something bad. He was so far beyond DoneTM with this whole mess, it was rather ridiculous really. Merlin seemed to read it all on his face, because his annoyed expression smoothed out, and he nodded.

“First things first – you girls were right. The Ritual  _ is  _ a base for quite a few Rituals that still exist today. It’s… It’s just, far more intricate and pompous, if I’m being honest, than it needs to be.” Merlin crossed his arms with a pout, prompting a twitch of lips from both Gwyn and Morgana.

“Well go on then, don’t keep us in suspense. Details.” Arthur, far less impressed with the theatrics, waved him on impatiently, and Merlin rolled his eyes.

“But of course,  _ sire _ . So. The first part we’re familiar with already. We have to get Cleansed. The herbs that we’ll need to use with the salt will have to be a bit more specified for us, but ---“

“Meaning what exactly?” Gwyneth interrupted, her expression turning from amused to worried in a heartbeat. “Are we going to be able to get them? I mean…” she trailed off biting her lip, but Merlin waved her off.

“Nothing too difficult, fret not, little druid. I’m quite sure I’ve all we’ll need in my gardens.”

“Splendid. All the power to your flowers, what  _ else _ ,  _ Mer _ lin?” Arthur damn near growled, his hand clenching around his cup. At Merlin’s raised eyebrow, Arthur scowled. “I just need this done, all right? So spill.”

His sorcerer blinked and nodded slowly. “Right. So, Cleanse, then we draw all over each other ---“

“Done that too, so that’s---“

“This’ll be a bit more… um… Well, remember how we only had to do four symbols last time?” he gulped nervously, “This time it’ll be more like twelve. Not to mention the um… That little something extra in the dye---”

Arthur just shrugged. “So, more dye. No big deal. Next?”

“Is it me, or are you in a serious hurry, brother dear?” Morgana tried to diffuse him with a small smile while sipping daintily from her cup. She had dark circles under her eyes, which Arthur couldn’t stop focusing on for the life of him.

“The faster we get this done the faster Merlin’s all better and the faster we can get on the finding Leon part of our Quest.” The quiet explanation made Morgana’s features soften.

“Artie…”

“So, Merlin, next?” Arthur pointedly looked over to his sorcerer, ignoring both the fond looks that were being thrown his way and the way he seemed unable to control his own cheeks flaring.

Merlin cleared his throat and made sure to bite down a smitten smile that was threatening to escape. “Right. After we paint the runes, we have a… sort of, a binding ceremony? There’s going to be ropes and some words and um… we’ll need an officiant.”

“So. Like a HandFasting Ceremony then?” Arthur clarified, and watched with a frown while Merlin flinched.

“Sort of. Except, urm… while we  _ would _ have to pledge to one another we’d also have to pledge to… um…” Merlin took a shuddering breath here, and Arthur gulped. A moment later, however, his sorcerer collected himself, and turned to look him in the eye.

“Arthur. When you were born as the Once and Future King, and I, as Emrys we… well, not we, but the people that received the prophecy about us, well… they didn’t quite receive the full story.”

“This doesn’t sound foreboding at all, huh,” Arthur huffed as he rolled his eyes. “Well, what  _ is _ the full story then?”

“The Future part of your title was supposed to be a failsafe. In case something got beyond um… fucked up. Because even way back then, the Gods knew that the Guardians wouldn’t last. The last couple born is long gone and well… the world still needs help. It’s highly likely it will keep needing help for a long, long time to come still.

“So, you coming back was supposed to be like… an in case of emergency kind of a deal. Which, all good, that’s what we thought, yeah? What the Gods, however, failed to consider, was  _ me. _ And the way your death would affect me. So. Ugh, this is so not easy to explain and, of bloody course, she’d leave it to  _ me  _ to explain and---“

“ _ Mer _ lin. Breathe, love,” Arthur’s soft voice broke through Merlin’s rant, and the sorcerer took a deep breath.

“There were no more Guardians born, because they refused to come back here. The last couple left, centuries ago. They all washed their hands of Earth and went to explore other universes. And who could blame them, really. But… but Earth still  _ needs _ them. And, well, if we go through with this. Arthur. We’ll become Guardians.”

Arthur blinked at him. “So? That doesn’t sound much different from what we’ve always been does it? Sure, the scale is a bit bigger, but…”

Merlin drew an exasperated breath and shook his head. “You’re not getting this. Arthur, if we do this, we’ll become the  _ Last _ Guardians. And we’ll have to  _ stay _ Guardians, for as long as Earth has need of us. Meaning either until the Earth stops needing us, or it…ends.”

There was a pause where no one so much as breathed. Merlin watched Arthur process while biting his lip. When minutes ticked by in continued silence, he gulped.

“Or, you know, we don’t do this, I command Excalibur to do what she refused and you live out your life as a mortal man.”

That, finally, seemed to snap the King out of his thinking mode.

“Uh-huh. Right.” He used his ‘shut up,  _ Mer _ lin, you  _ idiot _ ’ voice. “So. Herbs, dyes and… officiant you said? Who are we asking? You’ve someone in mind? Let’s get to it, shall we?”

“Arthur. You did hear the ‘it’s a forever kinda deal’ part of the explanation, right?” Merlin asked in a baffled tone, and Arthur rolled his eyes at him.

“After pining for over a millennia, I’d have thought you’d be the first to agree to a forever with me.”

Merlin promptly turned cherry red. “I---“

“Unless… you  _ don’t _ actually want forever.” Arthur frowned at him then, his voice losing both volume and confidence. “Do you? Merlin? Want me, forever?”

“Of course I do!” Merlin snapped, dragging his fingers through his hair frustratingly. “But do  _ you _ ? You’ve no idea how long forever is, Arthur,  _ no _ idea. And there’d be no going back from this. No changing of mind. No take-backs. If we do this you’re mine until the end of time.”

Arthur, who had stood and rounded the table during his sorcerer’s ramble, cupped his face in his hands and gave him a smile.

“Good,” he concluded succinctly before leaning down and kissing any and all other objections away.

~x~

“So… who’s going to officiate you? Me?” Morgana asked, while they collected the herbs for the new Cleansing salts.

Merlin winced. “About that… remember how I mentioned the pledging to not only each other…? Well, that has to be granted by someone… um… higher up, I’m sorry, Petal, you just don’t have the jurisdiction.”

Morgana’s jaw dropped open in outrage. “But I’m the High Priestess of the Old Religion! Not to mention, one of the oldest ones alive!” 

Arthur really,  _ really _ hoped Merlin did not expect him to not gloat and hold this one over his sister for  _ forever.  _ Judging by Merlin’s exasperated look, he knew exactly what his King was thinking.

“And the Old Religion is like… a barely born baby, compared to the Guardians.” Merlin moved on smoothly, and shrugged apologetically, while Morgana attempted to swallow her pout.

“But that doesn’t leave many candidates for the Ritual, does it?” Gwyneth frowned, worry marring her features, and Merlin sighed.

“Fret not, my dears,  _ She _ wants to do the…” he sighed again, “…the honors. Herself.”

Arthur let out a low whistle. “The Goddess herself huh… wow.”

Merlin made a face. “Yeah, wow indeed. Just, do me a favor, yeah, Sire?”

At Arthur’s inquisitive eyebrow, Merlin shook his head forlornly. “Don’t pay any attention to what she says apart from the Ritual, okay?”

“Why Merlin, am I about to hear some spicy stories about you?” Arthur smirked, and Merlin groaned, then shook a finger at his King, attempting the Tone of the Threats.

“I can also change my mind, you know. Do  _ not _ make me regret this whole bonding thing.” His smile however, negated his words something fierce.

~x~

“All right. Let’s just do a quick run through over everything before I call her.” Merlin waved the other three over to the bench before the entrance to the Pools and pulled the shiny new robes out of thin air.

“Robes, check.”

Morgana placed two bowls, filled half-way with pink salt on the bench, and pulled out five pouches from her bag. “Palo Santo to the both, Golden and Scarlet Sages for Artie, and then Blue and White Sages for Teacher.” She poured the herbs into the salt bowls and flashed her eyes for the mixtures to mix without a touch.

“I mixed the dyes. They’re only missing those last…” Gwyneth made a face, making Merlin chuckle, and Arthur frown in confusion, “Ingredients.”

“Last ingredients being…?” Arthur asked carefully, his eyes widening when Merlin pulled a dagger out from his belt.

“Bonding Ritual of the  _ Souls _ , sire, didn’t expect to go through it without bleeding a little, I hope. Gimme your hand, please.”

Arthur huffed, shook his head and offered Merlin his palm. “Blood magic. Shoulda known it was going to be blood magic.”

“Not only blood, mind,” Gwyneth piped in, while Morgana grinned gleefully.

“That’s right, sex magic too~”

“Thank you, Daisy, harpy, that’s… Thank you for the reminder.” Arthur rolled his eyes, tone dry, before he froze. “Wait, sex magic?” He whipped his head around to look at his sorcerer, who was blushing up to his roots, his ears practically radiating heat, and who was resolutely avoiding his gaze as he cut his own palm over a bowl of dye.

“Something you neglected to mention, _ Mer _ lin?”

Merlin raised Arthur’s palm to his lips, healed the cut with a kiss, handed him a bowl with his blood in it, took the one with Arthur’s blood in it himself and turned to the Pools. His face still flushed nice and darkly.

“Well then, shall we, I think that’s all so---“

Arthur’s hand on his arm effectively put a stop to both the sorcerer’s rambling and his attempt to move away. “Merlin.”

The girls took the bowls from them, grabbed the robes, and motioned towards the Pools.

“We’ll just… go on ahead yeah? We’ll wait for you there,” Gwyneth muttered, her blush rivaling Merlin’s, as she dragged Morgana after her.

When they were out of earshot, Arthur pulled Merlin to the bench, and sat him down.

“Sex magic?”

His sorcerer heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah well… Soul Bonding Ritual. Requires binding runes, mixing blood and, well… um… Semen.”

“And you found that… hard to tell me, why, exactly? It’s not like we’ve not---“

The sound Merlin made eerily resembled a whine. Arthur blinked.

“That’s just it. We haven’t. Blood goes into the dye, which goes  _ on _ the skin, the semen… that, well… I mean…” He flailed a little. “In all honesty I was sort of hoping we’d be so high on all the magic we wouldn’t… you know… notice, just how much we had to do!”

Arthur bit down a smile. “Semen doesn’t go  _ on _ , huh.”

Merlin whined again, and Arthur laughed outright.

“Oh don’t be such a baby,  _ Mer _ lin. It’s not going to be bad you ---“

“Of course it’s not going to be bad!” Merlin snapped, making Arthur blink at him owlishly.

“But if you’re not afraid of that, then what, exactly, is the problem?”

Merlin huffed and crossed his arms, his blush, which was finally going down, coming back full force. “I just wanted it to happen because we  _ wanted _ it to happen, not because we  _ had _ to… I wanted it to be special. Do not  _ dare  _ laugh,” he finished with a hiss, his face crumpling, and Arthur couldn’t even with this man anymore.

He slid to his knees before his lover, cupped his face in his hands and gave him a smile. He had a feeling it was rather besotted. He couldn’t find it in himself to care.

“Merlin. We’ll have an eternity for special. I promise. Candles, flower petals, the whole shebang. But we have to save you for that eternity first, yes? And if that involves…well. Then that’s what we’ll do. Besides, this is  _ us _ we’re talking about. As if anything we ever do could ever be  _ not _ special. Idiot sorcerer,” Arthur finished gently, pulling Merlin to his feet as he stood. “Now come on, we’ve a Ritual to perform.”

Merlin held his hand on the walk over. He was also beaming. Like an idiot. Arthur loved him so bad.

“Um… guys?” Morgana’s carefully blank voice met them as soon as they stepped into the clearing.

“What is it, Petal?” Merlin asked and then gasped.

“Oh.” Was his intelligent as ever reaction to the state of the Pools. Arthur took a step closer and felt his jaw drop open. The waters in the pools were a bubbling, writhing mass of black goo.

“Oh indeed.”

~x~

“Urm… what do we do?” Gwyneth was wringing her hands as she, together with Morgana and Arthur watched as Merlin paced in front of the Pools.

“Well…”

“We tried all the cleansing spells we could think of,” Morgana stated and raised a hand to stop him, when Merlin opened his mouth. ”And before you suggest it, no, you can’t try it all too, you have to keep your strength up for the Ritual, there’s no sense in exhausting yourself and botching the Ritual up after. That’d put all our efforts to waste and we do  _ not _ have the time, nor you the strength for a do-over!”

“But ---“

“Your student’s right you know, my precious falcon~”

Three pairs of eyes snapped to the new voice, while Merlin groaned, and hid his face in his palms.

“You’re not supposed to be here yet.”

The Goddess - for it was she, with her flowing, paper thin dress, long wavy hair, and all… shimmering all over - stepped up to the Pools, patting Merlin on the cheek as she passed him. “And yet, had I not come, you’d be stuck. Done before you’d even started. Now step back and let me~”

Frozen still, the foursome watched, as the creature that had had a hand in creating all they knew went to work. Her face held immeasurable age in it, yet, even as she concentrated, her features seemed to flitter and change as a wave in an ocean. She was indescribably beautiful, yet, Arthur thought fighting down a shiver, just as indescribably terrifying as well.

A moment and a few flair-filled waves of her hands later, the waters cleared up and a soothing, healing steam began rising from them once again.

“There we go~ In you boys pop, no dawdling now~” the Goddess chirped in a sing-song voice, causing Arthur to chuckle, Merlin to groan, and the two girls to gape.

“That’s… the Triple Goddess,” Gwyneth stammered out, her grip on Morgana’s arm reaching bone-breaking levels.

Morgana opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “Pinch me” was all she managed. Gwyneth pinched the arm she was clinging to, and Morgana winced in momentary pain. “Yep, that’s… a Goddess. Right there. Yup. That’s… that’s our lives.”

Meanwhile, Arthur turned to look over his shoulder as he pulled his shirt off. “Aren’t you going to leave now?”

Gwyneth made a face at that. “Sorry, no can do. Not this time.”

Arthur’s eyes, when he whipped around to look at Merlin, were the size of dinner plates. “Meaning?”

“They’re going to have to stay for a part of the Ritual. Soulbonding requires… Witnesses.”

Cursing under his breath, Arthur tossed his love a scowl. “Anything  _ else _ you’ve neglected to mention,  _ Mer _ lin?”

Before his sorcerer could respond, a tinkling giggle filled the air.

“Now now, no need to get all feisty, Your Majesty~ my precious falcon is under a lot of stress, as you can imagine.”

Arthur turned to the Goddess, his eyebrow rising. “And here I was thinking  _ my _ Merlin was the only one to manage to make my title sound like a curse.”

Her eyes flashed at his use of the possessive pronoun, her smile turning sharklike. It was disconcerting.

“ _ Children _ ,” Merlin sounded just so… DoneTM, both Arthur  _ and _ the Goddess shot him sheepish looks before proceeding with the Ritual.

Gwyneth and Morgana just exchanged bewildered looks and kept their peace - their Teacher had just scolded  _ the Goddess of Creation _ . Not much to be added to that, was there...

~x~

Once they stepped into the Pools, the Goddess handed them the bowls of salted herbs. Merlin’s eyes flashed gold and the salts were on fire again.

Taking a deep breath, his sorcerer spoke, and Arthur felt a shiver run down his spine. “ _ An offering of three to the Triples we offer – of Earth and Life and Soulfire the brightest. We ask to be Cleansed, for we wish a rebirth in togetherness.” _

That was not English. Nor was it the language of the Old Religion. He braved a quick glance to the side where the girls and the Goddess were standing and saw two jaws dropped open and one maniacal grin. Huh. Curious.

He refocused back on his sorcerer, who was waiting for him with a raised eyebrow. Arthur flashed him an apologetic smile and half a shrug. Merlin rolled his eyes, confirmed with a nod that Arthur was ready, and then they were pouring the salts in the waters between them and going under.

“What language was that?” Gwyneth whispered under her breath, eyes glued to the Pools.

“Dragontongue,” answered the Goddess, who was still grinning a bit crazily. “I have to admit, I’m impressed, I… I was a bit skeptical. The King’s not mine, you see. So I wasn’t certain he was…worthy of my precious falcon. But for the Soulbonding Ritual to be in Dragontongue? They’re connected deeper than I could’ve imagined.” She turned to the girls, beaming so hard, her whole face was beginning to light up from within. “This is good. Better than I could’ve hoped for. They’re perfect for each other.”

After getting out of the Pools and donning the robes, Arthur and Merlin were herded to the Altar, where the bowls of dyes awaited them amongst the candles. The waters they left behind shone with ethereal light, the steam rising from the surface glowing with the softest of hues.

The women formed a triangle around the two men and the Altar while the air filled with anticipation, thick enough to touch. The Goddess was nodding approvingly while the men situated themselves – it seemed she was pleased with the location, the Altar practically vibrating from the power it was drawing from the Earth beneath it.

Both men took a deep breath, their chests moving as one, shrugged out of the robes and reached for the bowls of dyes. Arthur blinked, confused. He was pretty sure this was supposed to go just as the previous Ritual did – first Merlin, then him. It… felt _right_ , however, to reach for the bowls together, and wasn’t his sorcerer the one always harping about instincts? So reach he did. The dyes in the bowl shimmered gently, and when Arthur stuck his fingers inside, he felt as if he was being enveloped in warmth and love and strength... It was a peculiar feeling. And then it was not a feeling anymore, it was Knowledge – this was what Merlin felt when he looked at him. Arthur smiled, the dye, mixed with his blood shimmering brighter – it wanted on his sorcerer, and Arthur was more than a willing assistant.

Merlin pulled his fingers out of his own bowl, and then they both reached across the Altar, both opening their mouths and speaking as one.

“ _ Triskele for the Triple ones. _ ” Their foreheads shone, the marks bright and pulsing lightly. Arthur dipped his fingers back in the bowl, resolutely ignoring both the fact that he did not, in fact, have any clue where the words were coming from, as well as that he  _ was _ , in fact, speaking Dragontongue alongside Merlin. And wasn’t that just something to scream about later.

” _ Berkana, to invoke new beginnings and growth together. _ ” The Rune bloomed over their right temples, feeling like light and warmth and  _ Merlin’s lips --- _

_ “Kenaz, to invoke knowledge and inspiration. _ ” Fingers drew the Rune over their left temples, the warmth spreading, and with it, peace and the feeling of being grounded; being together, at last. 

“ _ Ansuz, to invoke communication and wisdom.” _ They marked each other’s throats, and Arthur gulped, feeling all the words that they had and will still speak. Morgana and Gwyn grinned over that one.

_ “Algiz, to invoke protection and shield us from harm.” _ Fingers curled around, painting the Rune between their shoulder blades. Arthur rolled his shoulders experimentally, a sense of a shield, or, no… not shield, it was wings, spreading behind him, keeping him safe.

_ “Gebo, to invoke love, bless our union and partnership.” _ They smiled as their fingers drew the Runes over their hearts, feeling them stutter and then begin again, beating as one.

“ _ Wunjo, to invoke joy and peace.” _ The Rune went over the right pectorals, smiles growing into full-blown grins.

“ _ Othala, to invoke us as each other’s home.”  _ Fingers painted over solar plexuses, the touches lingering, saying more than any oath spoken ever could.

” _ Sowulo, to invoke strength and good health.” _ Their abdomens got Runed then, glowing in light, filling them with energy.

“ _ Inguz, to invoke fertility and growth.”  _ Both men’s cheeks pinked as they drew the Runes over each other’s pelvises. Arthur had a flash then - there was a boy, running through a meadow. He was barely old enough to lift the wooden sword he was carrying, but he was grinning, his eyes sparkling in joy as he ran.  _ Papa! _ \--- it took a moment, no more, but Arthur felt shaken to his core. He knew he had been awarded a Glimpse… he couldn’t wait.

“ _ Eihwaz, to invoke stability and enlightenment.” _ Right thighs got a Rune each, and if Arthur’s fingers were still a bit shaky, well, Merlin’s eyes were knowing, and Arthur had a feeling he wasn’t the only one who had Seen.

“ _ Raido, to invoke journeys and destiny.”  _ Fingers drawing Runes over left thighs finished the cycle.

As soon as the last Runes were finished, the Goddess stepped up to the Altar, stopping in between the two men, who had entwined their fingers together over the Altar. When she spoke, her words reverberated in their bones.

“Marked by blood and sacred markings, with each other’s hand, I bind you.”

The Runes across their bodies began to glow then. The glow intensified, pulsing with warmth, gentle and loving. The Runes then sank into their skin, the glow fading together with the ink. Arthur blinked, looked down upon himself, then looked at Merlin. He couldn’t see the Runes anymore, but he could  _ feel _ them. On himself, and on Merlin as well. They weren’t gone, just… invisible. Etched into them both bone-deep, a permanent testament to their commitment.

“Marked by words, from souls spoken, I bind you,” the Goddess continued, and they took deep breaths before speaking in unison.

“As I am yours, so you are mine, for always and forever.” Morgana and Gwyn had spent a lot of time arguing this part – they wanted more… pomp. Said that their vow was supposed to be everything they never said before. Supposed to express all that they meant to each other. Meant to be a promise and… in all honesty, Arthur had tuned out most of their explanations. He liked their vow – it was simple, to the point. It was theirs.

“Marked by the elements, marked by the stars, marked by the dust of creation, I bind you.” She raised her hand over theirs and a simple twine spooled down. It was made out of red, blue, green and white cords, representing the elements. It also had a golden thread to represent the stars and a silver one to represent the magics of creation.

The twine wrapped around their hands, binding them. Then it continued, moving slowly up their wrists, forearms, along their upper arms, reaching right to their shoulders. The endings continued their slide up, reaching their necks and then moving back, stopping over their napes.

The Goddess removed her hand then. “Together as one, together for always, together forever.”

The twine glowed then too, and Arthur smirked inwardly – there was an awful lot of glowing happening. Not that he was complaining; glow suited his Merlin, highlighting his cheekbones something awe-inspiring.

The glow seemed to travel the same path the twine had taken and then focus on their napes. The twine gave one last burst of light and dissipated, leaving their skin feeling warm and somewhat tender. Arthur heard soft gasps coming from the women Witnessing their Ritual. He was beyond curious, and when his questioning eyebrow raise received a nod from his… lover? Husband? (He made a mental note to get Merlin with a ring soon), before his curiosity had him pulling his sorcerer around the Altar and turning him around. Now he was gasping. There, in the most beautiful shades of blue, highlighted in silver, right on Merlin’s nape – the Pendragon sigil. Arthur felt his breath hitch. Merlin had his dragon on his nape. The King had no clue how to handle that. While he was freaking out internally, his sorcerer turned and placed gentle hands on his shoulders.

‘My turn.’  _ He didn’t say that aloud _ , Arthur realized wildly as he turned around for his sorcerer. Based on the gasp that followed, there was something on his nape as well.

‘What is it?’ he thought at Merlin, feeling how trembling fingers ran over his skin.

“It’s a sea serpent. It’s  _ my _ dragon. In your red and gold. Oh, Arthur…”

Hearing the emotion in his voice, Arthur turned to face Merlin again. There were tears in his eyes, but he was also beaming; and as Arthur leaned in to claim his lips, the rest of the world melted away.

~x~

The Goddess stepped away when the newest Guardians met in a kiss. She took a step towards the Witnesses, and, with one last look at the couple, turned the girls away.

“I doubt they’d appreciate it much if we stayed for this next part.”

“Why?” Gwyneth asked, and the Goddess had to admire the pureness of the child.

“Oh, sweet, sweet naïve flower…” Morgana sighed, hooked her hand around Gwyneth’s elbow and pulled. “Let’s get us a celebratory drink while they finish up, shall we?”

The Goddess grinned at the young Priestess. “You? You, I  _ like _ .”

Morgana beamed.

~x~

He felt like he was floating on a cloud. It was all… soft and warm and felt like Love. He felt his lover, his  _ soulmate _ there with him. Surrounding him, enveloping him, inside and out. He reached out, his fingers touching skin, and he gasped – the touch felt like bliss. It was… mind-numbingly, breathtakingly glorious.

Arthur gasped, opened his eyes and saw blue. “ _ Merlin _ .”

~x~

It was quiet. So quiet. And peaceful. It was also bright. Never had he ever experienced such brightness. He was floating, he was at peace, and he was alone. No, not alone. There were hands on his skin, touching him. There was touch on him and within him. He was not alone. He’d never be alone again. Bliss.

His eyes opened, light shining from inside and all he saw was blue. “ _ Arthur.” _

~x~

Gwyneth was still trying to process – there was an actual Goddess before her, drinking Morgana’s cocktails and laughing at her jokes and --- what was her life anymore even?

She didn’t know. But, a few more of these neon-pink monstrosities  Morgana kept plying her with and she figured she wouldn’t care much anyway.

“Say, what’s that?” she asked looking back towards the grove where her Teacher and King were still in the midst of the Ritual. The grove was filling with what looked like pure, unfiltered sunlight.

The Goddess hummed. “Well, sweet flower, that’s the birth of the Last Guardians. The last part of the Ritual. I always enjoyed that part the most if I’m honest -– the naked Need for the union of two to become one, the Emotion, the raw ---“ She stopped herself when Gwyn’s eyes had widened to plate-size levels and cleared her throat. “Anyway. If I know anything about my precious falcon, they’re not getting done anytime soon, so, I say more drinks while we wait!”

~x~

Morgana was the one to see them first. Lucky, really, for the two men, stumbling towards them, were completely and utterly naked. Deciding to not put Gwyneth through more than she could handle, the High Priestess waved a hand at the two grinning men and wrapped them in fluffy bathrobes.

“Hey, sweet flower, look who decided to stop boink--- um… to finish up, finally,” she finished sheepishly while the Goddess cackled.

Gwyneth twirled to look, beamed and launched herself at them as soon as they were in reach.

“Teacher! Arthur!”

“Gwyn!” Merlin caught her with an ‘oomph’ and twirled her around before handing her over to Arthur, who grabbed her with a gleeful bellow and tossed her over his shoulder while she screeched hysterically.

“Welcome back, you two. I take it the rest of the Ritual went well?” Morgana smiled at them, handing a glass each. Arthur took his without putting still shrieking Gwyn down.

“Quite---“

“---well. In fact ---“

“---much better than could---“

“---have been expected.”

Silence followed. Morgana was the first to snap out of it. She turned to the Goddess with a raised eyebrow.

“What, pray tell, the hell?” the asked in as level a tone as could’ve been expected, given the circumstances.

The Goddess blinked over the rim of her glass and promptly burst out laughing. “Oh don’t worry, they’re still… recalibrating a little. I’d imagine it’s a bit hard to be two separate beings again. It’ll pass soon. Meanwhile, how about more drinks? Oh, and boys? Keep the conversations internal for now, okay? Don’t want to freak the girls out.”

They nodded in perfect synchrony, even as Arthur was placing Gwyneth back down on the solid ground gently, and Morgana’s eyes widened. “Freaky… Are… Say, Anchors aren’t like that are they? They look like some freaky mind-melded robots or something,” she said, watching in morbid fascination as Arthur handed over his glass to Merlin without looking, and Merlin took it, without looking as well, refilled it with a snap of his fingers and handed it right back. “Freaky, but effective…”

The Goddess hummed, “No. Anchors are nothing quite as intense as that. But you should know, I mean, you’ve an Anchor. Where is that boy of yours, by the way, how come he wasn’t here, supporting his King?”

When Morgana’s face fell, Merlin seemed to materialize by her side, wrapping an arm around her waist in support. “Yeah, about that… He’s been… misplaced, for the moment. That’s ---“

“---one of the reasons why we’ve been in such a hurry with this Ritual,” Arthur finished, coming over, his arm wrapped around a beaming Gwyneth.

The Goddess blinked, downed her drink, and slammed her glass on the bench. “So let me get this straight – while the Once and Future here was getting tortured by the Sidhe, my precious falcon went insane and tossed his adopted daughter’s Anchor…somewhere, and now can’t recall where?”

At four identical nods, she sighed, walked over to Morgana, and waved Merlin away to give her space. When he moved, she placed a gentle hand over Morgana’s heart, and her eyes shone in pure colorless light.

A few moments later, the shine faded and the Goddess snorted. “Wow, you truly do not do things by halves, do you, precious?”

She glanced over to Merlin, who was frowning in question, and motioned him over.

“Here, take a look-see.”

Merlin gasped, when her fingers landed on his temple. “Oh…”

The Goddess snorted again. “Oh, he says. Truly… only you.”

“Merlin?”

Merlin’s eyes closed, as he leaned into Arthur’s awaiting embrace as his soulmate stepped behind him, joining in the conversation.

“ _ Mer _ lin,” Arthur huffed again, placing a quick kiss behind his sorcerer’s ear.

Merlin hummed and then gave a helpless shrug. “She found Leon.”

Arthur whooped in joy, and then bowed his head to the Goddess in respect. “Fast. Impressive.”

She winked at him. “Goddess’ power, baby~”

Arthur laughed, shaking his head, and poked Merlin in the ribs. “So, we should go immediately. Where is he?”

This was where Merlin sighed and pulled away from his King. Wringing his hands together, he turned to face his family and took a deep breath before biting his lip. “That’s the thing… he’s sorta… a bit of a journey away.”

“Merlin.”

“It’s not like I meant to toss him quite that far and ---“

“ _ Mer _ lin.”

“And I’m not saying I’m not going to get us there, I am, but it’ll just take a moment, and I’m still all buzzing from the Ritual, so ---“

“Merlin.” Arthur’s fingers wrapped around his nape grounded him, and Merlin felt himself breathing again. “There you go. Breathe, sweetheart. No one is blaming you. Give me a rough estimate, yeah? We’ll go from there.”

Merlin took another shuddering breath and nodded. “All right. I mean… tomorrow morning.” He turned to Morgana, his eyes worried, “I’m so sorry, Petal, I know we’re in a hurry, but…”

“Teacher. Tomorrow is perfect.” Morgana gave him a smile as she walked into the spontaneous hug that was breaking out, since Gwyneth was still clinging to Arthur with no intention of letting go.

“I  _ could _ get you there now… but then again… You are quite right, neither of you is stable yet, and even if I did toss you that way, you wouldn’t be able to come back so…” The Goddess hummed, and then nodded to herself decisively. “All right, here’s what we will do. You two will go and finish calibrating while the girls will go and rest up for tomorrow.”

“…and you?” Merlin asked reluctantly.

The Goddess grinned at him. Her teeth looked just a smidge too sharp in the light of the setting sun. “I’ve things to do, precious falcon. Places to be, creatures to see, drinks to try~ and with that, I’ll be off~” she finished with a flourish, and began to shimmer out.

“Wait!” Arthur’s voice had her solidifying again. At her raised eyebrow, the King stepped away from the mass of hugging people and bowed from the waist before her. “Thank you.”

The Goddess’ eyes widened in surprise, which had nothing on Merlin’s jaw hitting the floor. Morgana and Gwyneth shared a baffled look as well. Arthur, however, wasn’t done.

“I know you do not like me. Yet you helped me get my Merlin back. Even though you do not consider me worthy. And, to be quite honest, I have my doubts about my worth too… yet still. You helped. So thank you. Truly. I am in your debt.”

He raised his eyes and froze – the Goddess was smiling at him. And it wasn’t a sharp, cutting thing. It was warm. It was loving. “You know what, I think I just may be beginning to like you, Your Majesty~”

And with that, the Goddess was gone. And Merlin released a breath of relief.

“So,” a moment later Morgana began, clearing her throat, “I guess we’re leaving tomorrow, huh.”

Merlin hummed affirmation, as they all began the trek back to the Castle.

“Where, exactly, are we going though?” Gwyneth inquired curiously, and Arthur nodded.

“Indeed. Where is Leon, exactly, Merlin?”

Merlin sighed. “Well. I guess you’d find out sooner or later anyhow… Leon is… um… well, he’s in a solar system two universes over.”

There was quiet then. Merlin stopped when he realized the footsteps following him were not there anymore. He turned and winced at the expressions that met him.

“ _ What _ ?!?” three voices screamed in unison, and Merlin sighed again. It was going to be a while before he’d get his King in a bed. Merlin motioned for his baffled family to follow him, and went to brew some tea.

~x~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments keep me going, plis gib me Your Thoughts <333333


	14. No Longer Lost, No Longer Searching, Forever Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the wait, but here we are. finally.
> 
> my deepest, most heart-felt thanks go out to [Pelydryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pelydryn/pseuds/Pelydryn) for her beta work. honestly, this work wouldn't have gotten here without her help. i will forever be grateful for the miracle that is this woman. <33
> 
> and my Dearest, [Sunfall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunfall_of_Ennien) did a Final Piece for this chapter and i'm still crying omfg. like. i cannot. just. thank and... agh...
> 
> well. i hope you enjoy the end of this ride.

~x~

Knowing there was no more holding back, he decided to jump right in. “I was desperate. You have to understand – it’s been over a millennia or so at that point, and it did not seem like Arthur would be returning any time soon. World was shitty and only getting shittier, with _no_ actual signs pointing to the situation turning, and yet there was no King. So. After I had depleted all of my sources on Earth…”

Here, Merlin sighed wearily and gave Arthur a grateful smile when his King squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “The Goddess…” he sighed again, and Arthur began rubbing his nape in slow circles, attempting to unkink the kinks there. “Lets just say she got tired of my constant whining and, in her words, ‘banging of the pots and pans all over the place’. So she whipped up a portal, explained, as was her way, absolutely nothing, and threw me in.”

~x~

_Five hundred years… or so, ago_

Merlin groaned and rolled over. Instant travel had always made him queasy and portals? Well. Merlin gave himself a moment for the stars to stop exploding behind his closed lids before attempting to open his eyes.

He blinked. Closed his eyes, rubbed them over with his fists. Opened them again.

He was sitting in a lovely meadow. Under the shade of a… um… daffodil. Which was the size of a medium-sized oak back on earth. Merlin looked down. The grass was blue. He froze. He knew that shade of blue.

_Arthur._

A choked off sob escaped him.

“Oh dear. Whatever happened here? Well, whatever it is, please do not let your eyes water. I’m sure it’ll all work out eventually.”

Merlin wiped his eyes dry and blinked at the… Okay, so that was a toe. Before him. Swallowing down the need to scream, Merlin looked up. And up. And then up some more.

“Um…”

There was a huff above him. Only his instinctual grip on the earth beneath his feet with his magic saved him from being blown away.

“This won’t work. Okay, how about this---“

Another blink. Before him stood a girl. She was shorter than him now. She had a flower crown on her head. She was beaming. Merlin needed to sit down. Considering he was already on the ground helped.

The grin on her face faded as she looked at him. Soon, her lovely features were marred with a frown instead. “Oh… Oh you poor thing,” she crooned, stepping up to him, and, after pulling him up, promptly wrapped her arms around his frame.

Merlin inhaled once, twice and…

“Let go, little one, just let go.”

At her words, Merlin breathed in a third time and let go.

He had no idea how long he spent sobbing in her arms. He was distinctly aware that at some point they had slid to the ground and were now nestled in the blue, blue grass. He was also aware that the woman was petting his hair gently. The most disturbing thing, however, was the distinct feeling of _peace_. Here he was, fuck knew where, being cradled in some majorly shapeshifting being’s arms and yet… yet all he felt was light and peaceful. It was disconcerting to say the least.

It was peace, however, and he was Merlin. Naturally, it couldn’t last.

An undetermined amount of time later, the quiet of the meadow was disturbed.

“You do realize you cannot be late, right? The Ceremony is about to begin.”

Merlin raised his head – there was a male figure standing a few steps away. The woman, who still had her arms around him, scoffed.

“They’ve waited eons already, a few more moments won’t kill them.”

The male frowned, his face betraying his emotions clearly. “But Aerys…”

She would not hear him, however. With a frustrated growl, she turned to look at him, her eyes sparkling a deep purple. “Hang the blasted ceremony, Lowet! Look at him. His soul… it’s shattering.”

Lowet froze. Whether it was the purple glow of Aerys’ eyes or her words, Merlin did not know. “What great pain you carry, for one so small…”

Merlin blinked, the words echoing in his ears, reminding him eerily of a time long ago, of another larger-than-life being, speaking to a young man inside a deep cave.

“Worry not, however; for we shall help,” Aerys told him with a smile, and Merlin… Merlin believed her.

~x~

“And… did she?” Arthur asked, still attempting to process.

Merlin took a deep breath before answering his King. “Yes. They couldn’t help me with the getting you out bit – apparently, while the Gate _could_ be forced open, at least by them, it would have caused some sort of a rip in the space-time continuum and… well, needless to say, while I needed you, I also needed you to have a _where_ to return to, when you did so…”

Arthur hummed, intrigued. “That rip... would’ve been serious then?”

Merlin snorted. “Something like that. From what I managed to understand, it would have caused our universe to cease to exist. Meaning you’d have never returned. I couldn’t risk it.”

Gwyneth downed the last dregs of her tea and offered him a wobbly smile. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

Merlin returned her smile with a nod.

“How _did_ they help then?” Morgana, it seemed, was done with waiting.

“Well… Aerys… She slowed the Darkness progression in me. Slowed its growth. Even she couldn’t stop it, much less fix it completely, but… She gave me extra time. I spent some time there after. They even let me observe the Ceremony. It was… truly something, I must admit… In any case, we’ve become friends, during my stay. It brought me great relief to find out that’s where I sent Leon.”

“Great. Now then, it’s late. And we’ve all an early start tomorrow. What do you guys say to some shut eye, hmmm?” Arthur was already half-way out of his chair as he spoke. He let the others have until he’d bundled Merlin into his arms to give their assent.

Morgana chuckled, while Gwyneth blushed. “Subtle, brother dear, very subtle.”

“I can’t hear you~” Arthur pulled Merlin out of the kitchen, sending a wink to the girls over his shoulder.

“Goodnight, darlings!” Merlin managed, before being promptly shuffled down the corridor.

“Well, I guess that’s our cue to go rest too, huh?” Gwyneth giggled, and Morgana smiled.

“Indeed. Nighty night, sweet flower. Until tomorrow.”

~x~

“So… You’re quiet.” Merlin was putting a lot of effort into folding Arthur’s jumper just _so_ while his King watched on.

“Hm.”

Merlin frowned before forcing a grin, as he turned to him. “Uh-oh. Are you attempting to think? We both know how well that always goes. Better stop now, before it’s too late and you’ve injured yourself.”

Arthur ignored the jab, relieved Merlin of the jumper in his arms, placing it on the nearest flat surface, and then stepped in close, effectively silencing his sorcerer.

“Arthur?” Merlin tried again, sounding worried. The King ignored him again, sliding his arms around his waist and pulling him in instead.

Arthur blinked, couldn’t help but stare – his _Soulmate_ … Shaking himself mentally, Arthur leaned in and sealed their mouths together. He ran his tongue over Merlin’s lower lip slowly, teasing, until his sorcerer’s mouth opened in invitation and his tongue came out to meet his own.

Merlin whimpered into the kiss, his fingers tangling through the soft hair on Arthur’s nape, his eyes shuttering closed as he lost himself in his King.

When they finally parted – the need for air, the bastard, forcing them apart - Merlin blinked through the fog that was clouding his mind already and raised an eyebrow at Arthur all the while licking his lips clean of the taste of his King.

“What are you doing?”

A wry smile crossed Arthur’s face before he leaned in to place another quick kiss on the corner of Merlin’s lips. “Kissing my Soulmate, really, _Mer_ lin…”

Merlin’s eyebrow rose higher as Arthur’s hands traveled down his sides, caressing his hips, and finally settling on cupping his ass. Merlin chuckled as he was pulled against his _soulmate_ , and let out a breathless little moan. “Weren’t you the one who said we have an early morning tomorrow?”

“But I want you.” Arthur was nibbling on Merlin’s jaw now, his words rolling over his skin like liquid sin. Merlin opened his mouth to protest again, moaned instead. Meanwhile, his King continued. “I want you in me. Stretching me out. Filling me up. And don’t say you don’t want to… I can _feel_ what the mere thought is doing to you.” Arthur’s words, breathed right into Merlin’s ear, made him shudder.

Merlin was the legend made flesh, was the strongest sorcerer to ever walk the earth. He had endured many, many things. Fought innumerable battles against things with as well as without names. His eyelids fluttered closed. This? His Soulmate, seducing him? Merlin found, gulping, that this was not a thing he could just… ignore.

With a shuddering inhale, his eyes opened, and Arthur smirked at the blazing gold that greeted him instead of ocean blue.

“Close your eyes, Sire,” Merlin breathed, and his King obeyed instantly.

He could feel Merlin’s, _his_ Merlin’s, magic washing over the chambers around them. His smirk evened out into a smile as he waited, wrapped in Merlin and his magic.

Soon enough, there were lips, brushing over his earlobe, a breath carrying words softly into his ear. “You can open them now.”

Arthur did. There were candles, hundreds of them, illuminating the chambers. They were on the ground, on the windowsills and floating in the air. Arthur bit down a grin. Or tried to at least. From the look on his sorcerer’s face, he didn’t think he was quite successful. 

“I swear to gods, Merlin, if there’re flower petals on the damn bed I…” he started, attempting a menacing tone, while taking it all in, but the smile that couldn’t be contained anymore kind of gave him away.

“You did promise me special, _sire_.”

Arthur inhaled deeply to laugh and froze. “I know… I know that scent.” He twirled towards the bed that was, in fact, covered in rose petals. “ _Mer_ lin. Did you seriously cover our bed in my mum’s roses?”

Merlin’s eyes, when Arthur turned to face him again, were so full of love and devotion it nearly made Arthur stumble.

“You like?”

His sorcerer asked, his voice hesitant, and it made him chuckle. Arthur shook his head in wonder – his lover truly was one of a kind. “I love, sweetheart. But,” -- and his eyes sparked with mischief, which immediately made Merlin tense up -- “and I say this with all the love in me, mind. If you don’t get us naked and _in_ that bed in the next five seconds, I---“

To Arthur’s great delight, he didn’t need to finish his threat after all. Between one blink and the next, Merlin’s arms were wrapping around his waist, his _naked_ waist, and then they were somehow falling right into bed. The scent of roses was making his head spin. Arthur noted, with immense glee, that having this kind of magic used against him for the rest of forever would not be a chore after all.

~x~

“So hey, I noticed you only sparkled gold this time.” Arthur was tracing idle patterns, connecting the droplets of sweat, that were still drying all over Merlin’s back.

“Mmm?”

Arthur’s lips twitched upwards. His sorcerer seemed completely content to snooze right where he had collapsed – sprawled all over Arthur. Not that he minded, even if, perhaps, they would both be a smidge more comfortable, had Merlin pulled out before beginning his snoozing. Arthur squirmed a little beneath his lover, making Merlin huff and crack one eye open to look at him.

“Hi.”

Merlin gave him a besotted little grin. “Hi.”

“You still didn’t answer me.”

Merlin frowned. Arthur could see him _try_ to recall the question and pout in that adorable way of his when his brain refused cooperation.

“No black sparks.” He couldn’t help it, a pouty Merlin deserved a little assistance.

“Oh.” Merlin stretched, making all sorts of delightful little shivers run down Arthur’s spine as he moved. “That.”

Arthur hummed, wiggling a little, smirking at the feeling of his sorcerer shivering in turn. “That. Care to elaborate?”

“Well… black sparks were a… Hmmm…. It was Darkness leaking through, I guess you could say.”

“So, no black sparks…?”

Merlin shrugged, propping his chin on his palm as he raised his head and looked Arthur in the eye. It was an important topic, after all.

“The Darkness in me was only born because your death tore my soul apart.”

He said it simply, like he was talking about the weather or something equally as not heart shattering. Arthur’s arms wrapped around his sorcerer’s waist and squeezed as if without his conscious control. It made Merlin smile.

“It’s only desire, only craving, was Its King. When you came back, It craved to reach you. But you denied It. All you wanted was me. So, the black sparks were sort of the only point of contact for It. When you were too distracted to scold It for them. When we finally bonded, well, _properly_ bonded, your soul mended mine. The Darkness got… reabsorbed? Well, It’s still doing the reabsorbing thing I guess… but. Yeah. In time, as our Bond continues to solidify and grow, It’ll… just… sort of, go away. Because I’ll heal.”

“So, I fixed you, is what you’re telling me,” Arthur concluded, feeling smug. He deserved a Moment of Smug though, he figured. He had, after all, saved the greatest sorcerer that had ever and will ever live, along with the whole entire world.

“You’re preening,” Merlin observed with a chuckle, rewarding his King with a peck on the chin. “Prat.”

Arthur grinned. “You love me anyway.”

“Heavens only know why…”

But he was grinning as he said it, and Arthur couldn’t even hold his affronted expression. Instead, he squirmed a little again and watched in great glee as his sorcerer’s eyelids fluttered and a small moan escaped him.

“Goddess, but you’re insatiable…” Merlin muttered, beginning to roll his hips in tiny circles, watching Arthur sigh in bliss. “What am I going to do with you…” he hummed, even as Arthur gasped and raised his hips to meet Merlin’s movements.

“Just… keep on doing that…” Arthur gasped, and Merlin licked his lips.

“As you wish, _Sire._ ”

~x~

“All ready?” Arthur was chipper. _Chipper_. Morgana blinked, felt her entire world tilt at the realization and so, naturally, blinked again.

“Are you… all right, brother dear?” she asked hesitantly and straight up frowned when Arthur turned to her, _beaming_.

“I’m absolutely wonderful, _sister dear_ ~”

Morgana exchanged a quick, worried look with Gwyneth. “Teacher?!?”

That, of course, had Merlin barreling into the kitchen, palms sparkling with golden sparks, eyes darting around, looking for danger. “Wha---“

“Merlin! One cup of grass water coming right up~” Arthur greeted him without so much as blinking at his chaotic entrance.

Merlin blinked and accepted the cup that was thrust into his hands not a moment later. He pecked Arthur’s cheek in thanks before turning to the girls, who were still watching the King with Suspicion.

“What’s going on, girls?”

“You tell us. Something’s wrong with him.” Morgana motioned to Arthur, who had one arm wrapped around Merlin’s waist and was currently nuzzling his sorcerer’s neck.

Merlin frowned. “What do you mean?”

Morgana gaped. Waved her arm agitatedly in her brother’s,who was placing tiny little pecks on Merlin’s jaw, general direction.

“Um, love? Would you mind stopping for a second? Your sister’s all distressed.”

Arthur pulled his mouth away from its place under Merlin’s jaw, a besotted little smile on his face, and muttered into his ear. “You called me _love_.” Then he turned to Morgana, merrily ignoring Merlin’s radiant blush. “There’s nothing wrong with me, ‘Gana. I’m just… well. We fixed Merlin, by tonight we’ll have gotten Leon and moved on to fixing you. So there’s nothing wrong. I’m simply, well... Happy.”

~x~

“Okay, everyone ready?” Merlin downed the last of his tea and motioned for the others to follow him outside. Once there, he waved his hand over the lawn in front of them, and the air began to shimmer.

Merlin turned to them, expression serious. “One last time now, we all go in _together_ , meaning – no one lets go until we’re out on the other side and I say it’s okay to do so. If you do, you might get lost anywhere between here and there and if so… well.”

His thunderous expression emphasized there’d be hell to pay if they did not listen.

“No one will let go, sweetheart, relax. We’re not children, you know.” Arthur attempted to soothe his sorcerer, who snorted.

“I’d beg to differ.” Before anyone could express their thoughts about that sentiment he continued. “Anyway, I’ve the gifts, and the portal is finally charged. So. Hands, people. Now.”

Once they had all grabbed each other’s hands, Merlin sent a silent prayer to any and all the gods that’d listen and led them through.

~x~

The first thing she saw, after the whirlpool of cosmic dust spat them out and her head stopped spinning, was the grass. It was indeed blue. Kinda annoying in its neon-ness. Blinking, she reached out and touched a blade that was swaying in the warm breeze softly. To her immediate interest, it felt just like grass back home.

The first thing she heard was a man’s voice, laughing. She knew that voice. Her heart used to sing, every time she heard it. Now it bled. She wanted to get as far away as possible. Naturally, her feet carried her towards the sound immediately.

~x~

“Aerys!”

Morgana flinched at her Teacher’s loud exclamation, all her attention focused on the man sitting on the blanket before them. He was holding up a cup to his lips. He was smiling. She felt her core heat up. It had been a long, _long_ time since she had seen him, been so close to him.

“Oh hello, little one. We were hoping you’d be turning up soon. And would you look at that, your king is here too.”

It was a woman’s voice that answered him. Someone was moving towards them. Probably, the woman that spoke. Morgana didn’t so much as flick her eyes to her. Her gaze was focused on _him_. Her entire being was focused on him, in fact.

There were more words spoken. She didn’t hear any of them. There were greetings exchanged, and sorcerers hugged. She didn’t see any of it.

She didn’t see her brother notice _him_ , didn’t see how his awed expression turned to a scowl. Didn’t see how he tried to move and was stopped by her Teacher.

She did see _him_ put down his cup and stand. Saw him walk, slowly, towards them, towards _her._ Saw the hesitant smile, that, by the goddess, reached his eyes. Eyes that were, for the first time in what felt like forever, not cold, not weary, not suspicious.

She looked at him, and her vision blurred. She wanted to speak, to apologize again, to try and explain ---

He was so close now, he stopped right in front of her. Her tears fell. His fingers, still a Knight’s, still rough and calloused, felt like silk where he wiped her cheeks dry.

“Leon…” It tore out of her, and it _hurt_ , hurt so bad it sent her reeling.

“You came for me,” he spoke gently, soft enough to not disturb the bubble they seemed to be in.

“Always.”

The grin he bestowed upon her felt like balm, that began to heal her heart at long last.

~x~

“You know, if it didn’t look like they were about as smitten as they come, I’d be punching him right now,” Arthur grumbled, his eyes trained on his sister and his Knight Captain, who were, for all intents and purposes, completely lost in each other.

Merlin chuckled. “Oh I know. But I don’t think that’ll be necessary. It seems that during his time here, dear ol’ Leon managed to work through the rest of his issues. Didn’t he, Aerys?”

The woman, or, at least, Arthur thought she was a woman, nodded with a serene smile. “Indeed he did. Poor boy was troubled. But we helped. He is now ready to Anchor his girl.”

Merlin beamed at him, and Arthur shook his head in fond exasperation. His sorcerer was simply too damn adorable. He couldn’t wait until they were home again.

~x~

And then they were. After tea and the giving of thanks to the creatures more ancient than their Gods. After collecting all their little family members. After Gwyneth practically vibrated out of her skin when receiving a Seed from Aerys’ garden. After hugs, warmer than the sun and softer than merino wool. After kisses to all of their foreheads that felt like blessings. They were home.

~x~

While Arthur had a great desire to catch up with his Knight Captain, he realized it wasn’t happening for a while yet. After getting back, all they managed to get out of Morgana and Leon was that yes, they were doing their Anchoring _right now_ , and that no, under no circumstances, were Witnesses required. Thus politely flipped off, they had turned to Gwyneth.

Gwyneth, however, had a very one-track mind at the moment as well – all she cared about was her new Seed and where to plant it.

Thus left all by their lonesome, Arthur and Merlin decided to retire to their chambers early for some catching up of their own. They were recently bonded after all and well, there was no such thing as too much time alone after over a millennia apart.

~x~

“I.. I don’t hear them anymore.”

Arthur had his eyes closed and his arm and leg thrown over his lover. He snuggled deeper into where he had his face hidden in Merlin’s neck and hummed questioningly.

“Our Knights. Nor Kilgharrah. Nor… nor my mum. Then again, I haven’t heard her in a long long time even before you came back. But I’ve heard Gaius and now not even him so…” he trailed off, and Arthur nuzzled behind his ear, prompting him to continue.

“I do, however, feel the Earth again. All the creation, in fact. What I’m trying to tell you, _sire_ , is that I think… I think we did it. I think my Darkness is gone.”

Arthur’s lips, which were trailing lazy kisses over Merlin’s neck, curled up in a pleased smile. “Good. Quite a cause for… celebration, don’t you think?”

Merlin was chuckling softly, even as his legs parted for his King. “Good gods, you’re insatiable.”

Arthur’s grin, which he flashed at Merlin after rolling on top of him again, was feral, as was the glint in his eyes. “Only for you. Always for you.”

~x~

Arthur woke slowly. That, however, did not mean he did not wake in the most pleasant of ways. With a soft groan, his hand traveled down, searching for the thick dark locks of his lover. Winding his fingers through Merlin’s hair, Arthur gasped around a chuckle. “Who’s insatiable now, hmmm, sweetheart?”

Merlin’s response was to go deeper, suck harder on the upstroke, coaxing yet another gasp from his King. He ran his hands over Arthur’s thighs, over his taut stomach then back again. Fingers of one hand found his King’s balls and rolled them gently; his eyes flicked to look at the expression on his face quickly. Merlin’s eyes flashed, and then the fingers of his other hand were slick where they trailed over Arthur’s perineum, finding his hole and slipping inside.

Arthur didn’t bother biting down the loud noises that were pouring out of him. Instead, he focused on the talented mouth and fingers that were quickly catapulting him towards what was turning out to be one _hell_ of a satisfying orgasm.

Needless to say, they were _very_ late for breakfast.

Considering the fact that Morgana and Leon were nowhere to be seen either, however, helped a little.

Dealing with a grumpy Gwyneth, on the other hand… Now that, that was less fun.

“I’ve been waiting for your lazy asses for over an hour! If you plan to skip a meal, the least you could do was unblock the bloody stove!”

Arthur blinked at his sheepish looking sorcerer on his way to the coffee-maker. “You locked her out of the stove, _Mer_ lin?”

“In my defense, she does have a tendency of setting my kitchen on fire if not supervised. And considering how occupied you’ve been keeping me…”

“Oh sure,” Arthur scoffed, handing Gwyneth a steaming cup and turning back to make Merlin his. “Blame me, why don’t you. If memory serves, _I_ wasn’t the one who did the waking this morning.”

Gwyneth’s eyes went plate-sized, and she promptly choked on her coffee. “TMI, Arthur, geez!”

It was to the laughter of two men that Morgana stumbled into the kitchen a few moments later, a sleepy-but-content looking Leon on her heels. “What’s the noise about?” she inquired and then gave Arthur the softest of smiles when he immediately handed her a cup.

“What’s your morning poison, oh Captain, my Captain?”

The Knight Captain of Camelot blinked in surprise. Morgana snorted.

“I see the cheerful mood continues.”

“Um… coffee works, sire. But please, don’t bother on my account, I ---“

Merlin waved him off over his shoulder where he was browning toast at the stove. “Don’t fret, Leon, he loves his little toy, let him.”

Leon sat down, his expression weary. His eyes widened when his _King_ placed a cup of steaming coffee before him with a blinding grin. “Hope you like.” Leon was raising the cup to his lips when Arthur’s grin turned sharp. “I still owe you a punch to the face, I hope you realize.”

Leon promptly choked on the, to be quite honest, extremely delicious coffee.

“Stop that, don’t be mean,” Merlin hummed lightly, bumping the King on the hip, making him step out of the way of the plates-fulls of cinnamon toast that Merlin was carrying. “Sit everyone, food time.”

After everyone had toast, jams, and their drinks of choice before them, Merlin turned inquisitive eyes to Morgana and Leon again.

“I take it the Anchoring took, then?”

With a beaming smile, Morgana raised her hand over the table, palm down, and pure silver sparks rained down over their toast.

“No black!”

Merlin’s grin was blinding. Arthur couldn’t look away.

“On that note, however, I was thinking… You two are Bonded, and I’m Anchored now… the Once and Future King did his world saving…”

“Your point being?”

“I think we should let everyone, especially the Council, know that the threat of Emrys going Void is gone. On that tone, I say we have a… well, party, so to speak.”

“You just want to show off Leon, don’t you,” Arthur remarked in a dry tone.

“There is that too, obviously.” Morgana didn’t so much as flinch. Leon’s cheeks colored. Merlin cooed at him and got a scowl in response.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Morgana,” Gwyneth piped in, her cheeks stuffed full of toast. She looked like an adorable chipmunk.

Morgana grinned. “There, see, our flower agrees! I’ll get it all together then, shall I?”

And so, they were having a party.

~x~

“When she said party, this… really wasn’t what I thought she had in mind.”

Merlin chuckled and batted Arthur’s hands away from the tie his King was attempting to wrangle. “You should have seen the balls she threw back in the day. This is very mild, trust me.”

“Merlin. My sweet. My dear. My love. There’s over a hundred people down there.”

“As I said – mild.” Merlin grinned at him and finished off the knot with expert fingers. “My, oh my, don’t you look positively sinful,” he purred, pulling Arthur in by the tie and placing a slow, wet kiss under his jaw.

Grinning, Arthur wrapped his arms around his sorcerer’s waist, more than on board with ditching the party all together. Sadly, that just wasn’t meant to be.

“None of that now you two! Your audience awaits~” Morgana chirped, waltzing in, her blood-red dress sparkling and her six inched Louboutins clicking merrily away on the hardwood. She seemed to take great joy and pleasure in shooing them both out the door and down the hall.

~x~

“Whenever you’re ready, Teacher. We’ll be right downstairs.” Morgana kissed his cheek softly, wiped off the lipstick mark with a wink and left the two men at the top of the stairs.

Merlin took a deep breath, peeked over the railing and huffed. “You know it’s not too late to go right back and hide out in our bed.”

Arthur chuckled, wrapped his arms around his sorcerer from the back, and placed a kiss on his nape, right over his Mark. “While I will always vote sex when it comes to you, I have to vote ‘later’ this time. We can do this, love. And afterwards… well.”

Merlin leaned back into his King’s embrace and sighed. “Fine. I’ll keep you to that sex vote, however.”

With Arthur’s warm chuckle and strength at his back, Merlin took the step forwards and faced their guests.

~x~

The music stopped. All talk quieted. Merlin could see the Council converging over by one of the snack tables. Could see his students scattered all over the hall. Could see the fae and the centaurs, the fauns and the nymphs, the selkies and the shapeshifters. There were so many different magicals here. So many, but not all. Not yet. Well, that needed seeing about.

Deep breath. His King’s hand squeezing his reassuringly. Merlin opened his mouth.

“Thank you all for coming. Thank you for your trust, and your courage. Now that you are all here, it is high time you knew _why_ it was you were summoned, for it was, sadly, not _just_ for a marvelous party thrown by this magnificent High Priestess of ours.” Morgana preened and gave him a gracious nod which he returned with a smile before continuing.

“You all know who I am and have your own suspicions about who this is. Well, we are here to confirm it for you – my… _our_ King has returned. The Once and Future King is back, and he has fulfilled the prophecy – the world is once again safe. I am myself again.” There was a collective gasp that rippled through the crowd at that. Merlin took a deep breath, and soldiered on.

“He has freed Albion from the greatest threat she had ever faced, he has freed her from Emrys going Void. And thus, Albion is now safe once again.” Merlin chanced a quick glance at Arthur before continuing. Nerves were radiating from him in waves, and he was sure his King could feel them if the soothing little circles he was rubbing with his thumb over Merlin’s pulse point were any indication.

“As such, here and now, I, in the power invested in me by the Goddess herself, declare it before everyone here that henceforth the whole of Albion shall be safe to _all_ , once more.” At that he raised the hand that wasn’t still being clutched by Arthur, and before them the air shimmered and a portal opened.

Morgana frowned, bit her lip in worry, and squeezed Leon’s arm. “Oh boy…” She used her other hand to pull Gwyneth to her side, making sure the young druid was shielded as much as possible behind her. Leon, noticing what she was doing, took a subtle step, effectively placing both of them behind him instead. Morgana felt herself melt a little.

Merlin, oblivious to any of it, continued. “My lords and ladies of the Sidhe, I invite you to be part of our lands once more.”

~x~

At first, it didn’t seem like anything was happening. Except for the whole entirety of their guests holding their collective breaths, that is. Then, the air in between here and there _shifted_ and there they were. The king of the Sidhe stood before them, his queen and his general at his sides. All three were decked in royal attires.

They bowed before Merlin and his King. Well, they inclined their _heads_. A little.

“We thank you, for your generous invitation, lord Emrys.” It was Nuin who spoke while Ngetal and Ailim just stood there, smirking at Arthur. Ailim had the gall to wink at him even. Merlin felt the slight tremor that ran through his King at the sight of the _things_ that had… He shook his head internally – he could not, no, he _would_ not lose it. Not yet.

Instead, he took a deep breath and let the frozen rage shine through his smile as he answered. “Oh, I think it is _me_ who should be thanking you. After all, you took such great care of _our_ King, didn’t you.”

His voice, even colder than his smile, made the Sidhe hesitate. Merlin sent a side-glance to Arthur, projecting straight into his mind at the same time. _Trust me_.

It wasn’t a question as it didn’t have to be. His King answered anyway. _Always._

Merlin refocused back on the three figures before them. Black veins slithered down his visible skin. Black sparks began dripping from the tips of his fingers. Shadows shone through translucent skin; and eyes like the blackest of black holes were suddenly trained on the Sidhe royalty.

There was deathly silence for a moment. Then there were screams. Then Merlin tilted his head to the side and the whole place just…stopped. Frozen where they were standing, sitting, drinking and dancing. Everyone just. Stopped.

Gaze still firmly on the Sidhe, Merlin spoke. “We should really thank the Sidhe properly, shouldn’t we, Your Majesty?”

His King hadn’t moved. He, unlike the rest of the ballroom, was not frozen however. Still, Merlin had to give it to him - even with the shadows practically rolling off of him, Arthur’s voice did not waver. “Merlin. Are you with me.”

Merlin’s face split into a mad grin. Nuin, Ngetal and Ailim fell to their knees as one, their mouths open in silent screams. When he spoke again, it was soft, quiet. There was not a soul in attendance that didn’t hear every word.

“All that you’ve inflicted upon our King you’ll experience trice over. Trice for the time, trice for the pain and trice to really learn.” At that, he finally turned to face his King properly. “Do you wish _all_ Sidhe to share in the lesson, Your Majesty?”

Arthur’s hand came up to cup his cheek, and Merlin, even if it was breaking through the charade, couldn’t help but lean into the touch, if just for a second. Arthur smiled. “No,” he said simply, and Merlin nodded.

“As you wish.”

With a flick of his hand, the three Sidhe slammed right back through the portal from where they came.

Arthur, for one, was pretty sure they wouldn’t be visiting any time soon. While he was watching, the disguise, he guessed, bled right off of Merlin and instead of the terrifying, vengeful Void, only his sweet sorcerer remained.

Merlin leaned in then and gave him a slow, languid kiss. When he pulled away and turned to face their guests, he had a smile on his face, but his eyes held lighting.

“Let this be a lesson not only to the Sidhe. Albion is at peace. And it is at peace she shall stay. But if anyone so much as _thinks_ about harming said peace and those that stream to protect it?” His grin brightened and somehow managed to look even more terrifying than his black sparks had. “Let’s just say that my almost going Void was nothing compared to what I will do to anyone who thinks harm.”

He clapped his hands then, and suddenly there was noise again. Noise and movement. Merlin’s eyes softened. He raised their interlocked hands to his lips and kissed his King’s knuckles.

“Now that that’s all over and done with, I do believe you’ve all come here for a party!”

~x~

“You think it’ll hold?”

They were sitting on their bench, the grove laying before them. They had escaped the party in the early hours of the morning and made their retreat here, having decided to watch the sun come up on the new day. It turned out no one was particularly down about the whole Sidhe incident, and the copious amounts of alcohol truly did break down any concerns that were still remaining.

Merlin hummed, not raising his head from where he was leaning on Arthur’s shoulder. “What’ll hold?”

“The peace.”

Merlin smiled. “Yeah. I think it will. I mean, there’s us, and then there’s Morgana and Leon and even Gwyn now to help us make sure it does.”

“So we’ll be fine.” It didn’t come out as a question. It couldn’t.

Merlin’s smile grew. “We will. As long as we’re together, we’ll be fine.”

“Forever then.”

Merlin looked down at their intertwined fingers. After a millennia and a half of waiting, of struggling, of suffering. After a millennia and a half of feeling constantly lost. He was finally at peace. He was finally home.

“Forever.”

~x~

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are. the end.  
> i'd like to say thank you - to each and every one of you that came on this journey with me. let me tell you, i hoard every comment. they all mean the world to me.
> 
> i hope you let me know what you thought about how this ended.  
> i also hope to see you on other adventures these boys decide to drag me into writing.  
> all the love,  
> -M. <333

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Kiss Worth A Thousand Years](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23975593) by [Sunfall_of_Ennien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunfall_of_Ennien/pseuds/Sunfall_of_Ennien)
  * [A Dark Invitation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24349897) by [Sunfall_of_Ennien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunfall_of_Ennien/pseuds/Sunfall_of_Ennien)
  * [Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25619548) by [Sunfall_of_Ennien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunfall_of_Ennien/pseuds/Sunfall_of_Ennien)




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